Answers to two questions, the pregnant girlfriend, Thank God that was a false alarm. Scared my son right out of the relationship. It was doomed from the beginning, two addicts do not make a great couple, when one falls off the wagon they both fall. I do think he learned so much from this situation though, an invaluable lesson. He regretted it shortly after moving in with her only knowing her for a few weeks. Like attracts like. Unhealthy attracts unhealthy.
He learned real quick that it was a mistake and tried to get out of it. He complained about her spending all of her welfare money on a hair straigtener and said she spent all her time looking in the mirror. I had a chuckle, we both did when I said, "might have been a good idea to have found that out before you moved in" (gentle hint). I said it in a funny way so he didn't take offence.
Even in all of his drugged out states he still continues to share with me. Now he shares all the time, what he is feeling, things that happen to him, even his weaknesses. I think he felt that I was judging him before. I explained to him one day how hard it is to watch your son continue to shoot himself in the foot. I also told him some of my mistakes (not all) and he appreciated that. It's important for parents to let your kids know that you aren't even close to perfect. Sometimes they think we are and try so hard to live up to that, then they think they are failures and give up. I did that with my Mom. I never felt I was good enough as she always acted like she was perfect, never did anything wrong, her friends never did anything wrong etc. etc. It is so important to let your kids know that you understand and have been there and are not judging. Has to be the right time though. (not a good idea to tell them too much especially at a young age)
As for the book, essay. I so plan to write something some day. Even have my son write the forward. When I was going through this I felt so alone. It took me ages to go to a parenting group thinking that my child was the worst. It turned out that he was far from the worst. I could never find anything at the book store with info on acting out kids. The worst was stealing and lying. Man, that didn't even come close to the info I was needing. I'd love to help others and plan too.