Thanks Di. He ws my brother's friend so I've known him since I was about 13. We started dating when I was 17. I think that's right.

Di, I don't know anyone except 1 person who married someone that they've known since high school. That marriage I mentioned ended in divorce after 14 yrs.

My partner is a grandfather. The grandson is 4 yrs. old. He is the parent of 2 grown children. I don't pretend to be their 2nd/step mother at all. I am Chinese-Canadian and he is German-Canadian. Their birth mother is originally from U.K.

I would not expect his children to warm up to me when already I look very different from them and especially, when I was not the woman to raise them from babyhood.

I think the children relate to their mother abit differently than their father. I know my partner fought in court to have equal live-in time for his children after divorce, but as you know the mother wins. Which can be harder on a father who genuinely cares about their children.

At this time, the children get along well with each of their birth parents. My gut feeling is that his daughter enjoys getting into lengthy intellectual discussions with her father vs. getting more woman-to-woman nurturing from her mother.

As for my role/relationship to the daughter...I'm probably just an older, friendly woman to her that can discuss with her about art, literature sometimes at esoteric levels ...and talk with her about her current job where she teaches English as a 2nd language at private to wealthy visiting students from the Pacific Rim countries. She uses me to bounce off her ideas on relationship dynamics between her, as a white, young female teaching to Asians students --young or middle-aged. She has these theories about Korean, Japanese and Chinese students ...which I'm fascinated to hear about differences/similarities. Some I agree, sometimes I don't agree.

Son is similar in terms of a good relationship with father, though he lives in a different province.

Based on what I've seen in past 5 years, it doesn't appear to me, that my partner is getting the "crumbs" in relationship depth with his children. If the children are/become well-adjusted in their own independent/personal lives, it paves the way to a better relationship to each divorced parent.

In honesty, it is less painful to everyone in our situation, including myself, that I don't try to play the role of a substitute parent for the kids.

It's not that hard for me to be in this role..already I'm a happy aunt to several children in our extended family.

orchid, you are so wise. I believe so much of it is based on expectations.

Kudos to your partner for trying to get custody of his kids. I'm sure they will always remember that.

I'm married to a man I've know since I was 17. We know each other very, very well. It's not my first marriage, my husband and I remained long distance friends since we were kids but both of us traveled for work and spent months,at times, years, in one place then had to move again. When we settled down, we did so together.

So, it's like a long marriage and we know each other's families well from hanging out when we were young but it's only 10 years old!

I would not have married again if it had not been him, someone I have known all my life but never dated until we were over. The chemistry was there but we were married to other people.

I feel very lucky to have made the marriage I did, when I did.

dancer9

Neat story. It reminds me a little of the couples you hear about who meet up again at their high school reunionsa and the chemistry is still there.

It's wonderful having such a long history with someone. You can talk aobut anything or anyone from your childhood and they know who you're talking about.

Dancer your position is one to be admired and envied by some of us that are alone. My first love, my sweetheart from high school passed away after only five years of marriage and a day has not gone by that he doesn't come to mind.

Dotsie, count me in as one of those long-married to the love of her life gals. I first met my husband when I was 15. He was a young Marine, just turned 20, and one of his sisters was my good friend. He and I married four years later. I've known him for 42 years, and we've been sharing life together for 38 years. We are very good for each other, in all ways, and my heart still skips a beat, whenever he walks in a room.

Chatty, I don't even have the words to express to you how saddened I felt, reading your post. I'm speechless. Bless your heart, Chatty.

(((( Chatty )))) Life just isn't fair sometimes is it

I married my high school (and junior high school) sweetheart and it lasted 1 year -- We grew in different directions. Soon after I met and married the "passion" of my life (my first husband married his sister to stay "close" to me) but he was killed by a drunk driver 2 yrs later. It was then that I met my soul mate and partner of the last 30 years (this October).

I'm still learning things about him that I never knew Our sex life is --- well lets just say -- daily and I can't imagine starting a sentence without him ending it.

So for me -- three times was a charm

I don't think I will ever remarry. This was my fourth marriage and I really don't think I play well with others. Meaning, I don't think I ever want to be tied down to one man again.
I've had so much fun and have taken in a deep breath of fresh air now that I'm no longer married. Life is fresher, I see better, hear better, smile more often, and now every man I see (except for the married ones) are possibilities.

I feel free for the first time in years and its exhilerating! I feel like my life is just beginning-again and I feel a mixture of happiness, excitement and apprehension at what the future might bring.

Newleaf, it seems there are many single women at midlife who are also content. Some have learned they don't need men to be happy.