Dancer, I suppose sex helps sell anything. They have no laws or limitations here. So no one is stopping the advertising scum. They also show hard core movies...with a warning before; “Children under 16 aren't allowed to watch the following movie”....hahahahahaha.

I thnk sex is as natural as brushing your teeth here, so no big deal. If you don't like it, just don't watch it. I wonder if sex crimes statistics are higher in countries where it's not taboo or in countries that have stricter “p” laws.

Humlun how is it in Sweden? And Lola how is it in England ?

violent s crime agenst woman prettie high in uk.... some say it is to do with p some say its to do with other self-esteem or power issues as been previouslie mentioned. Intuativlie i go with the desensitising approch of women and one person to any other person, as you have all mentioned throughout this thread...

Good morning, ladies and thank you for all the kind, caring insightful responses. I am so fortunate to be here. Yes, it's a little difficult to talk here, a little scary and maybe something I should or shouldn't be doing. I'm only in and out of here quickly on weekends. I spoke with him last night after an incident and told him how much it hurts when he constantly corrects me in a condescending way. I said so calmly and he seemed to get it and "made nice" for the remainder of the evening. His background...very, very abused child by his mother and felt abandoned by his career military father, although to this day he worships his Dad...both parents have passed away. He has lots of issues from his childhood - so much anger and rage shown by his mom. All 3 kids (he and his 2 sisters) are estranged from each other. One sister even changed her complete name and moved 2,000 miles away. Yet, to see their childhood storybook photo album it looks like it was the perfect little family. He is a Vietnam veteran, firefighter for 30 years with life saving awards all over the place. Married first for 29 years, wife went to jail for embezzlement, splintered his family and I posted not long ago about his relationship with his daughters (estranged). That's a little background. He and his wife were into "p" and "swing*ng." Such a mess, lots of accusations. Anyway, that's a little info. I have to stop now but will check in later and write more tomorrow. Thank you all so much.

Hi Lady Jane,
The military experience has an effect upon men that is kind of universal. My husband is full career government and part of that was Navy, (the rest was Coast Guard, DEA and Border Patrol.) They have a way of "puffing up," in any situation that makes them afraid and "bellying up," with huffs and puffs. This is how they will be without treatment to get them used to the "outside world." The first thing my husband had was therapy, which he has now monthly, to get him ready to be a civilian and to know that those behavours are NOT alright in the real world.What kept them alive in the military will kill their lives in the civilian world.

(Firefighters have the same sort of mentality as you know, a separate life from home half the time.)

I know you know what I am talking about, the behavour. It's wrong to put anyone they are close to through that posturing and expect them to "front and center," everytime he calls you. His house cannot be "spit shined," and his family are not his "subordinates!" Still, they can feel this way because it is all they know if they enlist as young people and stay in the military for all those years. Unless they try, they cannot make the switch very well.

I know you understand this.

A military wife is supposed to support her husband no matter what while he serves his country. In the navy, it is said, "Your wife wasn't issued in your sea bag," meaning, "forget her," on with your mission." It is a hard life for a woman because she is expected to come SECOND to his job, which is working for the Commander in Cheif, the President. This is how they live while active duty!

Wellllllll, NO WAY does this fly or promote a great marrige when it's all over! A man has to understand this and make the adjustments. If he has all those years of service, he needs to be "deprogramed!"

Be proud of his service but be damned if you are going to bow down!

These are just thoughts for you, Lady Jane. I can imagine what you might feel in a few ways.

Men CAN unlearn this stuff. It takes some hard lessons but it can be done.

I told my husband, "Therapy at retirement or no marriage." This helped us very much and I meant it. He needed to be "deprogramed," and it was hard for him. This may be the case for your situation.

I will write to you so long as you write here on the board or I will email you or you can PM me. I don't mind talking to you about your life. I'm happy you are talking and speaking out.

I've more to say and maybe I will next time you post...

With warm regards,
dancer9

We actually had a fun day yesterday. This won't sound fun to everyone....but we had a huge drink each and proceeded finishing up the outside lights. We're here in our own little world where no one sees and hears us. We laughed a lot, had a snowball fight, tipped a ladder over....but we cried also. He has such a hole in his heart about the absence of his daughters. At least it was mostly a good day. You know, dancer, you're so right about how a soldier learns and then is expected to just be "normal" upon his return. It really doesn't make any sense at all when one goes through all of that such as a very unpopular war. Add to that his childhood background and then previous marriage. Sometimes I see him as a total emotional wreck. Sometimes I see myself in the same light and wonder how we can ever survive....with anyone. So often I just walk daily on eggshells to keep the peace. Not really a great way to live.

Of course, Lady Jane,all of us, with our issues, go back to our childhood. I'm sure his problems do. That is more of a reason for treatment. If treatment is really applied, it can work miracles. One must want it though.
dancer9

Childhood - it's so funny... for over 40 years, I thought I had a fairy tale childhood... reality came to me slowly, then like a oncoming freight train the last few years. Because I don't truly remember that much about my childhood, I'd like to seek hypnotherapy, even though I was taught it is a tool of the devil.
Sorry about talking about myself again.

Gimster, please see my reply in "holiday violence" and in your poll on therapy. Whenever I apologized here for talking about myself again, I was reminded by our boomer sisters that that is what we are here for, and that by one sharing, others benefit.

Dancer what a smart and informed description of militarie men. good one.

GIMSTER, if you can try to "deprograme" your belifes about hypnotheripie, it can be an exilent healling tool. If you can do this and manage to feel you can relax and trust enough whomever the hypnotheripist is then a lot can be gained from healling sessions.
Cheek out the persons personalitie, do you like them are they warm, do you have confidences in them, thse personal qualities are important as hypnotic states is dependent on relaxasion and trust. Secondlie cheek out their credentials, who and how were they tranned, do they belong to any recognised professional bodies, how long have they been practicing etc.

If i can provide any furtheir tips into this i be happied to. As part of my psychologie tranning i undertook hypnotheripy/hypnoanalises as an additional tool to be used in healling.

good luck in finding good healing methods whatever they may be.