hehehe....don't mean to chuckle but I hear ya! This morning I went out to start his car for him. I came in to ask him a simple question about something in the trunk and he got all flustered. Expressive hands, frustrated look and "I don't know" about 4 times. It was a simple question out of concern! I just went back out and smiled, thinking of this thread. He cannot think and get dressed at the same time. I've never seen a person who cannot do 2 things at once as much as him. He's thoroughly engrossed in whatever he's doing. Kinda funny, actually.

On second thought, he is an impatient Aries....all the way!

You start his car for him? Girl, you are a sweetheart. I hope he appreciates you!

Hey, JJ, I'll toot my own horn anyday. My philosophy in marriage is to treat one another like you would DREAM to be treated!....well, as long as you don't lose yourself or get walked on, that is. I know he genuinely appreciates it because he says so often and thanks me. Here, I'll toot my own horn so forgive me...I brush off the snow and start it up every weekday for him. That's after I put his carefully prepared lunch in the car for him so he doesn't have to carry it out....lol. He came from a marriage where NOTHING was ever done for him and often he was denied....right from birth. So I enjoy it. I enjoy seeing him race out the door to a warm and ready car. One thing we DO have going for us is mutual appreciation. We express it daily...even when he's weird. Of course, I am NEVER weird!

This all warms my heart and good for you, I say! I can tell from you post that it brings you much joy to do this things for him. That is wonderful, Jane...and don't let anyone tell you any different. It brings you joy, him joy...what can be wrong with that? Like you say, its the Golden Rule!

What a nice person you are!

So - what's up with having to sit and listen to every detail of hubby's work day with undivided attention - like it was the most interesting topic in the entire world - and then try to tell him about YOUR day - as he turns his head and watches some TV show and does the nod or the 'uh-huh' thing every once in awhile???

LJ, I might go a bit off topic here relative to you starting his car and brushing off the snow. It is commendable that you want to ease the fact that he'd been denied, as long as you know you can't "fix" that for him. Why do I bring this up? By the time MH and I were married for 10 years, I said he had already made up for 30 years of my earlier traumatic life. Inadvertantly he did this, just by being himself in treating me civil, and listening when it counts. I have tried to start a mutual gratitude journal of what we appreciate in each other, but he does not stick to anything except, well, sports scores! I'm an impatient Aries. One of my lessons is to learn that my time frame ( I want it! and I want it now) is not necessarily someone elses's time frame, or God's.

Princess, I appreciate what you've said. I have not even seriously thought of "can I fix him." I probably should have but by nature I will give and give and I love caring for people's needs. Sometimes I've worn myself out doing it. I did this same thing for my former husband. It came as second nature. No one ever had to suggest it. The other piece to the puzzle is that my former husband was a very conservative and somewhat legalistic Baptist pastor. You know, women should submit, etc. I don't think it played into too much of what I did because I was always like that. For awhile I drove my present hubby off the wall with my taking care of him. So I eased back a bit. He kept letting me know that he was capable and I shouldn't do those things. Over time, he's gotten used to the fact that I want to naturally give. For instance, he spent hours on our roof on Sunday shoveling 2 feet of snow off it. I knew, at his age (lol) he was really worn out afterwards. I gave him a foot massage. The thing is I've had other women tell me I was sick for doing these things. I don't think so. It gives me great pleasure to do for others. But the point of trying to fix someone is very well taken. Thanks, maybe I need to hear this. He had a horrible childhood and a very bad first marriage. I just think he deserves a little TLC.

Meredith, honey, from an Italian: DON'T go for the contract, ok? LOLOLOL
dancer

Yeah, I agree with Dancer. Too many loose ends there. Go with arsenic.