I can´t chat about this article..I can only say that it moved me so deeply. Probably especially after having visited the author´s "space" which, I believe, is put together by her present situation. What a tremendous journey you have made, Dee! And all you wrote here on the forum was..I am back! I never knew..altho I felt there was something behind your words and your fotos on your "space". I am so grateful that you are back..and that you really never left..if you know what I mean??

I don´t know why I strayed to Our Voices on the Boomer home pages..shortly after having visited your "space". But there must have been a reason for my finding you there.

Thank you!

Humlan...you're a very sweet lady...and I appreciate your kindness. I'm glad I never left, too...then I would have missed out on meeting you and so many other wonderful women on this site. I'm so blessed. Thank you so much.

Dee, I can´t imagine not having had the chance to meet you here. Your post on Voices..I´ve been there..because my daughter died so young..but I don´t know that I could share as you have. Yet..you have given me so much by doing so. So very very much...

Humlin...If my sharing my story brings comfort to you or anyone else, then it's been worth it...I'm so sorry you lost your daughter...I'm sorry, I don't know the details but if you ever feel you wish to share them with me, you can of course, send me a private email. You must be an extremely couragous and strong woman to have gone through what you've gone through and still shine through (I'm referring to your picture). Dearest...I'm certain your daughter is in heaven looking down on you and very proud. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to lose a child in death...I hope I never have to know what the feels like. Hang in there and I'm here for you anytime. Now I know why Dotsie encouraged me to share my story...I'm so glad I did...and if there ever comes a day when you share yours, I'm sure it, too, will touch peoples lives and have an impact on them, too. I'm sending my hug angels to you.

Dee, I also was taken by your story. What a nice story of hope for your future...which turned out pretty nice, didn't it? Thank you for the courage to share.

It is a fabulous story and one that I'm sure has given hope to other women. I wish there was a way to connect Dee's life in the forums to that link so women can see the beauty that is her life now.

Dee, I am opening my arms wide and taking in your hug angels. Hug angels..beautiful and so full of meaning. Thank you.

This time of year is a bit tough for me..and as the scientists tell us..our body cells remember..even if we don´t. It´ll soon be 26 years ago that my daughter´s doctor, who was almost a family friend at this point, told me that she will die. That she didn´t have much time left. It was very painful for him to say this too. Susan was his first patient..at the time..who was terminally ill. We were much younger then. We have met since then, the doctor and I, in different situations. He has helped me with my other children,too. He is today the foremost expert on liver disease in Sweden..which says alot of his abilities. BUT he is and always was..first and foremost..a fellow human being. The greatest praise that I can give to anyone, actually. During the winter break which comes at the end of February, Susan asked me if she was going to die. She was 11yrs old at the time. And we were sitting on swings in our neighborhood children´s park..and I answered her, Dee. But that´s all "she wrote" for now, Dee.

I have written about my daughter on this forum in different situations..but YOU went very deep into a very personal experience in Voices. You have showed me that I have another layer of myself to look and meet again. So, I´ll probably see you again via PM. I don´t know if I can do what you have done..perhaps give what you have given to those of us who read your about your "tiny strand of hope". There have been so many moments/times alone when the pain and sorrow was so intense..but the otherside of deep pain is joy..right? So I want to go there again... you won´t have to carry me.. but reading can be too much too.

Dee..and anyone reading this HEAVY post..have a good day now..I am drinking wine and water..listening to old songs by Queen..so all is right with the world here in the north! Except for the polar bears that cannot migrate because the ice is melting!!!! Peace, Love and Understanding!!!

Humlan, my dear, you take care of yourself for the moment. You were brave to even begin your very difficult story. All in good time....

Humlan...if you don't mind my asking, how old was your precious daughter when she passed away? Your daughter was a very brave girl to ask you that question at 11 years of age. She must have gotten her strength from you, her Mother, because I hear your strength. I'm not sure what prompted me to pen what happened to me on this web site. I guess it's something I wanted to share...after much questioning and doubt...but, in the end, I think I was just ready to talk about it. Everyone here is special with or without opening up their lives, especially the painful parts. You do not have to go any farther with the pain you share concerning the loss of your daughter unless it's what you want to do. I, and I'm sure everyone here, respects that.
I want to tell you that I am proud just the way you are. Very, very proud of you Humlan. And if you wish to share with me privately in a PM, it would be my honor to listen and be here for you.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss and the pain you carried with you then and still carry with you now concerning your daughter. I would imagine it's something you will always carry with you and rightfully so. I think the message I wanted to convey the most in my story is that even at the rock bottom of our life, at the most desperate, desperate hour when we think there's absolutely no reason to go on that we must try to find something worth staying for...worth being for...even if it's just ourselves. Life, as you know, is short. Your daughter would want you to do what she can't...live, hope, dream, desire, be happy and create a life that when she looks down from heaven she knows that you're okay. Life is like a tide..it flows and ebbs...sometimes we have waves crashing over us that knock us off our feet, and yet other days the seas are calm and serene. It's how we get back up when we're knocked down that defines our journey through life and how we'll face the next waves that are sure to come. To be honest, most of life is pretty damn hard and disappointing...but, it's the times when it's not that we need to cling to and appreciate. Humlan, you are the most courageous woman I know and I'm so proud of you. You are my inspiration now and I adore you. You are a very special angel in my life and I'm so glad that we are friends.
Here's more angel hugs for you...we never can have too many hugs...HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

Love you dear heart.

Humlan
when a process starts it is a gift.Even all these years later .Drink your wine worry about the polar bears (I do)and connect.Being our age means we have scars...and medals too.
My daughter is a Susan. Today while reading a poetry forum a poem with our daughters name moved me so mush I cried at the tital.I admire you Humlan...we are neighbours(nearly)
Bless you.
Mountain ash

Mountain...you're a special angel, too. I didn't know. Hug Angels are coming your way, too. Bless you, sweetheart.

Dee, she was 11 yrs old when she died. She died on the 29th of August, 1982. And yes, she wanted so much to have life..to live it. She wanted to have children..and she knew that she never would and this was her greatest sorrow. She had 3 wonderful sibblings..1 sister who was 9 at the time and the other was 6. And a little brother, who was about 2 and a half. She helped raise all of them..because that´s the kind of family we were then...and she was, well..she was Susan. But she did have time to fall in love. There was another patient in the hospital that fell in love with her and adored her.And as her nurse ponted out..at least she felt love before she died. I had another boy in 1989..and, as you say, I felt Susan´s joy over his coming. I think that she sent him to us.

The weird thing is that as I write to you..I feel Susan over my shoulder..so very close. I haven´t felt that for such a long time. Dee, did she send you too?? Weird..wonderful.

Yes, Dee.. I think that I know why you wrote about your "tiny thread"..I felt it when I read it. I wrote a poem..a long long time ago..in my teens..about climbing a rough, rocky mountain with the clouds and haze hiding the way..but somehow I felt and saw the moon shining at the end of my climb..I have to find that poem again..because it´s sort of been the basis of my life since then. Life is precious, isn´t it, Dee? It´s such a gift..and you never know what it´s going to hit you with..freezing cold and darkness or warm smiling sunshine. But one thing you can be sure of..pretty sure of..is that nothing lasts forever. The next bend can show you something that you have never dreamed of..in your worst or best dreams. I mean, for example..look at you..your "space"..composed of the loveliest pinks and all that sparkle..I LOVE sparkle and glitter. When you sat there, by yourself, with that rope around your neck..and all that emptiness around you and beneathe you and within you..could you have seen the "space" that is YOU today?

I love hugs..because when you hug..you automatically get a hug back But angel hugs..now they are something special. Very special.

You are right, Ladyjane..absolutely right and your comment calls for consideration. I probably shouldn´t push on so hard as I usually do at this time..and around August to October. Instead I should face and "see" that my body is trying to tell me something and asking me to remember..and respect both myself and my daughter..and my other children and former husband, too. Hmmm...

God, I can´t believe what I am writing to you both..you have started something very meaningful here..very very meaningful here..if my life were a lake..which I like to think it is..I am diving deeper..to an exciting interesting place. And I am perhaps leaving some ripples on the surface for others, too.

Gosh, I meet and have met so many special people here...like you Humlan, and Dee, and Hannelore, and Chatty...and everyone that posts here have touched me in a big way. It's so amazing that I sit here in Maine typing my thoughts right this minute and you're there in Sweden doing the same thing...and Dee in ALabama and others all over the place...we're all able connect at the same time like this. Oh, I digress, but it just blows me away some times. Our thoughts transcends the earth to each other! Woweeee!

Dear, sweet Humlan...I feel and see your ripples...for every action, there is a reaction. We all have purpose even when we aren't aware of it. Thank you so much for sharing Susan with me, and others here. I feel your loss and I feel your optimism. I'm glad you felt Susan over your shoulder...really, I think she sent you to me...okay...where's the tissues...I'm a mess right now.

LadyJane...isn't it amazing? I can sit here all alone in my kitchen typing this yet knowing it's going to reach out all over the world. Wow! The best part is making friends and sharing our lives. I feel so connected with you...you're like my family.

Humlan
three students of mine were terminally ill and believe me when I say I cared.I monitored their school day and intervened as things got tiring.I watched these young girls and one boy(all age 17) and helped where I could with the parents loss.Two were responsive and one cannot even speak when she sees me out in town.people cope in different ways and rest assured what you feel is painful but cathartic.
The group around my students grieved..it was a part of my career that could not be learned though books although Elisabeth Kulber Ross does write well about it.For me it was a dedication to humanity to manage to do a school day and let my students have time at school.
I care you are hurting as do others.I wont name everyone because even those who dont post will care. You being brace will have set off processing in many directions.
MA

Me too, Dee. Listening to John Lennon too! But no sad tears now, hon´!!! This is a happy day..I found you out there in cyber space!!! He´s singing "Stand By Me".. I ask you..can there be any better message for us from the other side???

I want to bring you JOY, Dee! No more heavy tears..only lovely pinks and sparkle!!! You got that, lady??? And all my love to your wonderful family!!! We´ll be in touch here!

Dee
we have nor "met" but I too went to voices and saw your pictures.I was promted to by seeing your home and lovely dog..
You and your husband make a striking couple.
Seeing your home is a priviledge and I am delighted to have seen it.yes we are all sitting at our computers connecting and its such a gift.
MA

I don't know about any of you, but I'm sitting in this love fest with the tissues....I feel touched beyond belief at this very moment. I can't explain it but don't need to...I don't think.

Mountain Ash, the last term before my daughter became to ill with her liver disease..she went to school. She was in the 4th gr. The kids here start school at age 7. Her teacher..she had just one main teacher, was an angel. She had the guts to have Susan in her class and yes, monitor her, as you did with your students. I hope that you understand the ENORMOUS thing you did for your students and their parents. Because, I believe that it does take GUTS to have a terminally ill student in your care. And the parents also..not everyone can manage that.BUT it´s so IMPORTANT to the student so that they can think of something else and feel "normal" for a time. And yes, go on learning because if anyone knows how precious that is..it is these children for whom live is short and their parents.There are very few people out there who dare to "connect" with this type of situation..I experience this even today after all the years that have gone by. That is why this connection that I have made with you here on this thread is so precious also.

I still see Susan´s alittle cowered back, in her green loden coat, as she went off to school in the morning. I went with her a short way and then she went off alone.And I stood watching her... thinking, crying. She always turned around..almost at the of the bottom of the hill..and waved to me. Moments that can never be erased. When she died, the school waved the Swedish and American flags at half mast at the school. Her school time wasn´t just a dream..she was bullied there, too, because of her color..a deep yellow near the end, and her pouting tummy. But when I went to her class and explained to the kids..she had an ok time. The kids could take it in..whatever it was I said to them that day.

Yes, we are practically neighbors, Mountain Ash!!! I like that feeling..seriously!

Mountain Ash, your daughter´s name is Susan? Do you remember my dear friend who lost her husband this past May? I wrote about her here to get some help and support? Her name is Susanne too..that´s the Swedish version.

I may be missing something here about your daughter, Susan..something that I cannot know as I haven´t been around here so long..but please don´t answer anything that you don´t want to. I know that you won´t...

Elisabeth K. Ross was my mainstay during the hardest times of my life. I know her well...

I have so many memories...D..in class tring to cook nose on the chopping board her sight was going. and not having the stamina and then forgetting a word..She was highly intelligent
She won a raffle and needed an extra pair of hands to manage.So her Mum D. and I went off to London.This was in the early days.Me managing to get to the front of the queue at Madame Tussauds ..being a manager .one look told the guard was was up healthwise.In Harrods having coffee.Looking at the crown jewels.All the time knowing time was short.But something drove me and coping was as much an achiement as getting my degree was.Just in a different more important way.Going to London from Scotland took six hours took me away from my loved ones but I felt it was an act where lasting memories were made.Knowing Anno is there made me recall this trip.
The other students also..many memories.One G. is a dear part of my life..another day perhaps.And C. the lad..handsome clever and such a loss.Others worked with them also dont think I was alone..
MA

Humlan, LadyJane, Mountain Ash...hugs all around. HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG.

My Susan is well..as yet unmarried a primary teacher and now a college lecturer.Preparing other to teach. She is a talented woman and very loving.She is fortunate to have a good brain and has studied hard.She is a Christian and sponsers a childs education.I am moved that you ask about her..She is well travelled unlike me who is a home bird.
MA

MA...I'm so glad your daughter, Susan, is well and doing so well. I'm sorry to hear about what you went through with your students. But, know that because of you, their lives were made easier despite what they were facing. MA...it takes a special kind of person to do what you've done and now your daughter, Susan, is stepping into the teaching profession like you...how lucky this world is to have you both. I want to thank you and Humlan for sharing so much today on this forum. I've made an extra-special connection today with three beautiful ladies...Humlan, LadyJane and Mountain Ash...how special is that? Life is good and I'm blessed . Let the love fest continue!!! HUGS HUGS HUGS

Wow, Mountain Ash, you must be a very proud mum! She sounds like a gem, a real gift to this world.

Humlan
what your Susan had..the bullying ..these children I knew this happened too.The lad had no hair and wore a cap.Another boy knpcked it off and some onlookers watched and laughted.The incontinent students all had things said and how I deal with is the HIDDEN CURICULUM where I was he go between.I also did the routine medical treatment and emmergency aid for a school of 1000. The respect I gained helped the infirm students be accepted.And importantly in the following years when the children grow they carry the memory of the ill children into their future.They will have memories and understand better that their actions were wrong.We had such a diverse unit of children that I learned so much...its was my job to integrate the mainstream with the phsically impaired.I loved my working days.I did this for 17 years.
MA

I have opened my heary during this topic.I have previously kept tight bounderies due to the openness of a forum
Thank you Humlan who in your sorrow allowed this sharing.
And the fellow posters..you are so special.
MA

I hear you, Mountain Ash..I´ve had the blessing of helping others in my situation over the years..and you receive so much in return, don´t you? That endures the rest of your life.

I must add that one boy,A, had cancer..and survived. Today he is a young man with a child of his own because he saved his sperm during his illness. His partner has 2 children of her own, too. One of them Turret´s syndrome. Couldn´t have a better stepfather, don´t you think? A. was a swimmer and competed in the gruelling 1500m distance. The strength he built up there probably saved his life! So..there are some sunshine stories too!! My older son, who was his swimmer friend, stood by his side thru it all..they were only teenagers..and I still have before me how my son, D., helped him so that he could he go to an ACDC concert in Gothenburg. I went along too with his mom. But the guys went on before us..A. on crutches..but they stood thru the entire concert in the front by the stage! My son, D., managed to help A. without being obvious about it all. I couldn´t have done it the way he did..with his respect for the teenager that was A.

Dear ladies, I have got to fade away for the evening. It´s almost 10pm here and I am pretty wiped out by all that happened here. I will carry you with me into the days to come..always. What a time. Thank you!!!! HUGS! HUGS! HUGS!

I hope that we meet in this way again sometime.

'Night-'Night Humlan....it's been a great day sharing with you!

Thre's a special bond between people who have gone through similar, personal tragedy. I think that's why we've all somehow connected in this forum...we understand and help lift each other up...Humlan and MA...you two have experienced something I haven't, so I don't presume to know that kind of pain...but, know that I admire your strength and ability to share with us what you can.

Hugs all around...

One boy had was an amputee below his leg.He had a false leg and managed well.As he grew he needed help with dressings etc.We had a bond I. and me. I would excuse himself from class and speak to me..he was as bright as a new penny.His trick was to turn his leg round and walk to the teachers desk letting the kids see his"wonky" leg.It set them into gigges.But one old dearie never caught on that I. was doing this.Last time I saw him he was a carpenter and I was with friends at a wedding.The bond we shared is magical.I. made light of his situation and these things balanced my days.
The light in a happy students eyes is a joy to behold.
MA

MA...the bond you two shared does sound magical. I'm sure he still thinks of you with fond memories. And to be able to play jokes with his leg...how funny. I love hearing about people with disabilities who find ways to smile despite what they have to live with. Makes me feel selfish when I complain about anything superficial.
I never was a teach...but, it sounds like you enjoyed it. I bet you were the kind of teacher that students think about even to this day. I had a teacher like that once...she did one thing that made me feel special and I remember her for it to this day.

What a day yesterday was in this forum...I've never, ever had a forum go like this one did yesterday. It was great the way we were online at the same time and how long we remained talking about things near and dear to our hearts throughout the entire day. I did not want to pull away but when we did it was with a sense of fulfillment having been touched by 3 dear ladies. Yesterday was so special and I feel so much closer to the women who shared their day with me here. Hugs back to you all.

Some of us enjoyed the magic from afar - reminded me of "sacred ground" - the ripples stretched farther than you know...

Eagle Heart...so glad our ripples touched you. You're sweet to let us know. HUGS HUGS HUGS

Yes indeed we did. We were the only 4 registered users here for quite a while. We shared back and forth and very deeply. I, too, have never remembered a time like that anywhere. I knew in the back of my mind that I should be "accomplishing" elsewhere but I was drawn and stayed for as long as it took. I don't regret it for a second now. I wouldn't have wanted to miss it. I bet we did send some ripples across BWS. I hope many felt our touch.

Mountain Ash, "the light in a happy student´s eyes is a joy to behold"..and those moments when a student, who has said that he/she can´t, find that they CAN..the light of that moment can eluminate the darkest of nights..don´t you think? In my case, it can be a young boy of 5 years old or so that says he can´t get his snowsuit/overall on or a young girl of the same age that says she can´t write her name..and then all of a sudden it clicks..and it works for them!!!! OHHH..and you´ve had the extreme priveledge of being on the journey with them!

Eagleheart.."sacred ground", my Gosh what a thought..what an expression..what a name for what happened here last nite with "one tiny thread of hope"!!! And you were with us..from afar..no wonder this place is "sacred ground".

To use and "payforward" Dee´s expression...angel hugs to you, Eagleheart!

Is your Susan the little 14 yr old girl who cried when Morse died? Mountain Ash? She´ll probably be angry with me, calling her a little girl at the respectable age of 14. In either case..my tears became lighter that evening because I wasn´t alone!

Gosh ladies, I leave this place for a little while,…and missed the magic happening.
This is real life, touching real souls. This thread developed a power of its own; a power of true friendship. I could visualize you all touching hands. I’m so happy that I know all of you.

Hannelore, wish you had been here. I sat here crying, tissues all over my desk! And I can't really explain it in words too well. There was just very deep communication and I was, once again, totally awed that we were from all over the place...two here in the U.S. and two across the pond. I hesitate to try to describe it because people will then think that I'm completely whacked for sure.

Same Susan Humlan.She is an adult..a good woman now.
MA

Hannelore...just you joining in to tell us how it touched you is enough...for some reason the 4 of us connected in a moment in time and it was really pretty incredible. I, too, have a hard time really describing what that was like, LadyJane...but, I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason...we shared, we listened, we cried, we related, we empathized, we were like girlfriends sharing our deepest feelings...and for awhile there weren't states or the ocean separating us...I really forgot that we're on a world wide forum...I felt so connected that it just seemed like we were much closer than we actually were.
Humlan...Mountain Ash, how are you doing today? You've been in my thoughts although I've not been on the forums much today. You three have connected with me in a way that is so special and I'm grateful.

Dee
authentic sharing like cuttinh into the new baked apple pie..it happens and renews our pathway The way we choose to be.
I had this last year in hospital and experienced bliss..zone..sacred time as well as my treatment.
I have a theory..again based on group work but will save it for now because I dont want to spoil the moment with hogging things with my own beliefs.
I am still in my night clothes..so must move on.
MA

MA...please share your beliefs...that's what this place is for...sharing...so you're not hogging at all. I want to hear what you have to say...so, come back and share okie dokie?

MA, I haven't been an active part of this thread thus far, but am thoroughly enjoying it - I too would love to hear your thoughts and theories...your wisdom always touches my heart.

I think Scott Peck describes groups well.There is a forming time.and so on.

My experience has been repeated time again. and I will try to describe it.
My adult daughter booked us at a health Spa.sunday to friday.I was seriously injured (sacral bone)we arrived on Sunday. ten people were there.A good group size.We met the course director and each were interviewed re. our needs.I had physio and pool as well as beauty treatments.We ate together and as some were fasting lots of verbal intercharge.Each afternoon we all were driven in a mini bus to walk some.Then afternoon tea .Forgot to say..each morning there was "Thought for the day" a varied spiritual meeting.
We all triotted around with our schedules and became friendly. Every Tuesday late evening as we all sat around after dinner a kind of hush..a meeting of emotions happened.It was as if our physces knew how long we had together and trust had formed.I went regulary to this spa and each time it happened.Even spending New Year there.I met many superb people there who have enriched my life.From all walks of life.I saw in that place barriers melting and kindness beyond measure.
This spa..I will send information is in a mansion house where a Dr Gertrude Brown ran a sanatorium along the principals of Seven Day Advent church and only in January changed hands for loads of cash.No matter what the new owners do with it in my mind it will never be bettered.
I feel fortunate that I was taken to this spa and then came to love it.I would drive each month for accupuncture and feel that the physio there allowed me healing.The very walls of the "Castle" must have absorbed our gratitude.It is a truly marvelous place.
The message Scott Peck gives lived there and no doubt I did my share of making this happen.As we all can in groups.
Only now and then when a "bad apple" is in a group will it fail..until things are taken in hand.
Perhaps this site needs times like we four shared on Friday to drive other discussions likewise.
If this is not clear Sharon I will explain best I can.
MA

Google this for the photographs..

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Mountain....I looked it up...beautiful!!! absolutely beautiful.

Dee
first time I went when we left I wept...then as my daughter and I built in two day and five day visits I felt I had found a special place.I have many stories of good work going on..the groups of folks I met.As I said having pyhsio and accupuncture for a whole year allowed me to keep mobile.One good thing that happened was being able to invite friends for a meal and share what we were experiencing.
My dear friend works there..a very special lady who has touched many lives.She set up a womens health day for menopause and had a homopathic doctor lecture us.The large room was filled.I have days there and sit in the spa cosy while the cold Scottish day is outside.
I truly believe the whole building is a blanket of goodness.
I have a favourite room and when things get tough I picture the room.Its above the tree tops and wild geese are flying level to the window.
MA

I too, have been away and I wanted to let you all know how truly inspiring you are and what a treat it is to feel your words.

Welcome back Arlene...thank you dear for your kind words...we missed you.

Hi Mountain...you're right...we are chasing each other around the forums.

It's always nice when we find a place of solace. Your place of solace is heavenly...and when you told me about your favorite room being high above the tree tops and you watch wild geese fly by...well, it gave me goose bumps (no pun intended)...I can only imagine how beautiful that must have been. Sometimes we find outself in a moment that is shared with nature that is so special words find it hard to describe. That castle sounds amazing.

Mountain Ash, I missed your posts about your "place" until now. What a "sacred place".(taken from a song by Damian Rice). What caught me was your remark about what groups of people an do..change almost the very walls in a building or place..perhaps even move mountains? I really felt what you wrote there because, I think, that some times we forget what we can do as a group together..different groups in different situations and "zones". I read in a foreword in one of Doris Lessing´s autobiographies that our brains acamodate (spelling?) to the person we are talking to..the brain waves become similar..our hearts beat in rythm..and maybe we all have a rythm, she goes on to ask..nations,cities and individuals..very very interesting, I think. And perhaps we can heal eachother by our reaching out and being together a time??

What happened here on this thread a while back has certainly given me a warm glowing spot in my heart. I need that now as my tough months are here, as I wrote before. The other day, I woke up crying..and at first I didn´t know why and was almost angry with myself for being "so old". But then I remembered this thread and what we shared here..I realized that I was missing my Susan very very much. But that was OK..because of what we talked about here..and the fact that I could identify my sorrow..this was very new to me at this stage in my life..so many years after her death..but OH what a help it was.

And Mountain Ash, we were mostly 3 or 4 women that wrote that evening..from all over the world..and, for me, here in Sweden..you all have helped me move mountains within myself..and to SEE them and not criticize myself for them.

Thank you! all of you..

Humlan,
I just now saw your post. I'm so sorry your heart is heavy and you're feeling sad. I am sending a fresh supply of hug angels your way, dear heart, to help you. I cannot imagine how it feels to be in your shoes...I can only tell you that I am hugging you from far, far away and that my prayers are pouring out for your comfort.

humlan, phew, your grief for Susan is so understandable. I wish I could take it away.

As you know, we are mulling through grief with friends who also lost a child. It's one thing I certainly will never understand. It's so out of the natural rhythm of our lives for this to happen.

Please know that I'm adding you in with prayers for our friends. I didn't know this still caused you tears (though I certainly understand) so I'm lumping you all together in prayer from now on.

Is today a better day?

Dotsie..that´s the thing..death..even of a child..is not really outside our natural lives..it´s we westerners that put death, sickness and almost anything that is considered as "ugly" into a "box" (pete seeger´s little boxes) and then transport it outside our perimeters..so that we don´t and can´t SEE.. look at Sudan..only Sudan..one country of many..children are dying there daily..as are there parents..and they die among them all because it is a very real part of their lives. And here in the West..people are dying every day..every day..both young and old..they get sick and they get disfigured and lamed physically or psychologically daily..without death, there would be no life..how would you define life, then? If there was no death?

Thank you, Dotsie, for your daily prayers..I need them. And I am sure that you have a special path to God..I can see it in your smile..thank you!

The past couple of days, I have been feeling better again. Perhaps because I am thinking of the living..my grandchildren and their mother,my daughter..and how I can help them. I am certain that my Susan has brought me to this thought and planning because there have been many spiritual happenings in my life the past few weeks.

I just wanted to say..that I haven´t forgotten our moment here. I carry it with me every second of my day..within my very being. It was so special..so beautiful..thank you!

Angel hugs to you..all of you!!! You know!!!

Nor me Humlan..LJ Dee
MA

Nor me! I think of it often and will remember it always. It was one of the sweetest moments ever online with my very special friends. Hugs and angelic vibes sent to all of you this morning!

HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS...It was an awesome moment, wasn't it. I, too, think of it often and am blessed to have such close friends.

My son is in the kitchen..playing his computer and listening to music..he is listening to Cornelius Vresvik..a danish born man that lived in Sweden from the age of about 10. He has a song called, Rönnerdahl, that is a dreamy song about the summer. Many midsommers ago..at a midsummer party..Susan sat by the pool, listening to just this song and dreaming herself away. My husband (then) patted me on the shoulder and said,"look at Susan..." And the man she was listening to, playing the song on his guitar, accompanied by others too..was the father of a boy who sat in a wheelchair due to his illness and would for the rest of his life..I mean the boy..his son, sat in the wheel chair..that father is now gone too..he took his life a few years later..because life hurt too much for him, as his wife told me when I met her on the pier by our lake the spring after his death..the year of this midsummer celebration was 1982..and Susan died at the end of August..

But I am starting to find that these memories are not only painful..they are the place where joy meets sorrow..or life meets death..I have never really experienced this place..but I am finding it now..more and more often..

Ohhh life..sweet LIFE!!!

Music poetry and art all touch our souls...bringing bitter sweetness.
I can picture little Susan hearing the song..
Bless you
MA

humlan, are you seeking these thoughts at this point in your life?

Thanks for taking me into your life and sharing such precious moments.

Dotsie..I feel as tho I am being led to these thoughts, feelings and almost revelations..

I am glad that I checked this thread today..life has been so busy lately..my job is just sooo taxing at the moment. This kids are wild..so active and not listening to us at all. Remember that I work with a multicultural group as it´s called here in Sweden. The children are mostly from Turkey and kurds from Turkey too.

And then I read this thread..and remembered where I was at just a few days ago!!! I don´t want to loose what was happening then..but I guess everything is meant to be..and if I was "led"..perhaps by Susan (?), then I am being led now too..I hope that I am listening!!!