Chatty...I believe you did the thing a loving parent should do. It's terrible what happened but you could not stand by and let your son abuse his wife...and I daresay that he probably would have started abusing you had you allowed him to stay. The trouble with kids today, I think, is there are no consequences...I hear kids all the time smart mouth their parents in stores, demand this or that, pitch fits while their parents walk on egg shells around them so the kids won't get their feelings hurt. Screw their feelings. You did the right thing. Maybe one day your son will change and maybe one day he'll come back and thank you for showing him tough love. Chatty...my heart goes out to you.

Chatty, so true. My gosh, 1994? That was 14 years ago...wow. How ridiculous! But we may be facing the same with one or both of his daughters. Who knows if they'll ever get the feeling that they need their Dad? The oldest is really the only one I hold out hope for in some small way. These ungrateful kids of ours!!!!!! It's sad because someday it's going to be too late for them. I pray they'll all see the light before then, but as I've said...we have to live our lives, too with or without.
Hannelore, if you ever come to Maine, we'll make the trek up to Pemaquid Point and sit on those rocks. In summer and Fall it's wonderful...today it wouldn't be...we're in a snowy weather pattern and it just won't quit.

Reading thru this thread has been very very thought provoking. Two of my adult children, 28 and 31 yrs old, are very similiar to what you all describe here. Some of you have taken definitive action..which is something my x-husband, their father..has advocated for quite awhile. I am the one that always sees the WHY and WHEREFORE behind things or tries to. But I am wondering if I am not too understanding for their own good and ours..my x-hubby´s and my own.

Very interesting thoughts here because I really do see where you all had to put your foot down and make a stand.

Glad to see you back Humlan...I've missed you...but, we all have to take a break from time to time.

I've tried to stay away from this because I, too, have a habit of trying to see the WHYs and WHEREFOREs. I think it comes from being the child of parents who didn't care to understand who I am, how I think and what I believe. Instead of guiding me, they ignored me or thumped me with a Bible (preached to me, in other words), or shamed me. I think through the eyes of that child. Residual feelings make me question backgrounds.

Gimster...part of this wonderful site is to allow us to share all kinds of experiences we are going through or have gone through depending upon where we want to vent...I'm sorry that your parents didn't see the wonderful child they had in front of them....I sometimes wonder if it wasn't that generation for the most part. I understand and emphatize with you sweetheart...and my arms are around you. I'm sending hug angels your way to keep you company. Take care sweetheart. We care about you.

I have no steps, but just spent some time reading all of this thread. What I take from all of this is that we need to focus on what we have and not what may never be. We sure as hell, can't change others, no matter how hard we try. We can choose our own happiness by focusing on our good marriages, which several among us have. I thnk it's awesome that those of you having issues with steps, have the support of your spouses, or are on the same page regarding the ungrateful adult kids.

Dotsie...I have an incredible, loving marriage and once my husband saw his children's tries at manipulating him against me, he realized he had one of two choices. Move in with his kids or be my husband. He'd been so used to them manipulating him and also let guilt of the divorce (it wasn't his fault...his ex left him for some younger computer geek who ended up dumping her) allow his kids to more or less call the shots. I've bent over backward to be supportive of his adult children and the only time we clash is when they try to walk on him...and because it's no longer tolerated (or at the very least it's met with resistence when necessary), they come around less. So, it makes me wonder how much do they really love their Father...or was it just for what they could get out of him all along?
Their lack of showing love and respect to him is one reason that I make sure that Larry knows he's loved by me. I go the extra mile in doing things for him...I want him to have no doubt how I feel and how important he is to me. I feel that one day his kids will grow up (probably in the mid-30's or there about) and start to see how wrong they've been during the past 3 years.
On the other side of the coin I've tried to see things from their side...not an easy thing to do sometimes when they've been so defiant and mean-spirited, but I'm sure after them living a pretty good life and getting pretty much what they want from a Father who was easily manipulated has been like hitting a brick wall for them since he's been married to me.
My SIL has been the biggest support for me during the hard times with my SC and I go to her for feedback and advice. Not one time has she nor any of Larry's family come back and said what Larry's kids have done to him is fair and just. Sometimes they've been outright appauled at their behavior...and Larry's past birthday was another disappointment for him.
I've decided that next Christmas I'm not going to do anything for LW and Danielle...they've continued to ignore their Father time and time again and I cannot keep handing them gifts of love when they do not return anthing to him. It may be wrong of me but I just cannot find it in my heart at the moment. I'm tired of seeing my sweet husband's hurt face and knowing that they could give a rip less. If he wants to do something for them, that's his choice...but, I've done all I'm doing until something changes.
You're right, Dotsie...you cannot change people...but I can change how I do things...and I'm going to give them what they give their Father...nothing.

Dee, it might be easier if you and Larry scheduled a vacation AWAY for a week (or even a weekend) during holidays and celebrations, so you waste no time wondering "What if they call? or come over?" because they won't be able to.

The money you would've spent on them -- use it during vacation for a super-nice dinner or even a fun souvenir. You both deserve it.

Thats what I said too Dee. It is the best. and probably the only way to teach these leeches a lesson. Plus think of all the fun you and your man will have alone somewhere during the holidays...Oh and leave the jammies at home!!