Ok, girls, here is the latest scoop on my Olympics playing DIL…and family.

She didn’t make the team. We are still proud that she made it this far. Geez, I wouldn’t have even made it to being the ball boy. But I have some thoughts, that I need to talk about.

It was already obvious last September that my DIL didn’t make it. She wasn’t with the team once for their international games. My son saw that; we all did…and he spoke to her about it, but she hung on to her dream.

How can a mother not take her child for a year because of an unreachable dream? She is wonderful when she is with her daughter, but sometimes I get the creepy feeling her daughter is like a toy for her or just an item to show off with.

Well, mid- April the volley ball contract is over in Switzerland, and my DIL will take Anaiya and go back to Muenich. …Right. ….I wish. I got to add that my DIL could have played those 4 months in a team near Muenich, but prefered Switzerland. If she had played in Muenich, she could have had her daughter with her! I don’t understand her decisions. Doesn’t it make you doubt how good a mother she is?

My son and his wife have serious problems and are talking divorce. The real complication lies in where will Anaiya go. Naturally we all say to the mother…but this mother seems to have other priorities. It breaks my heart for Anaiya. Hubby and I are seriously considering offering our son that if it should come to a court battle, which it will, that we will take Anaiya. Only then would he ever have a chance of keeping his daughter. On the other hand;…What are we doing? We really got to think this through, and ask ourselves if we want to give up our independent lives forever.

I wish and pray the two stubborn heads would just reconcile and move on with their lives together. Please pray for our little Anaiya, and that the best will be done for her. Otherwise our little precious angel will probably live in Florida, with a family where we all have big concerns of what will become of her.

My dear Hannelore
this is a dilemma for every one.I know many will give help.
My inital thought was that this year you have given Anaiya will have given her a grounding for life.There is no doubt the early years set us up.And caring "others" do this.Our life script hold on to the initial bonding
The story is just starting
Take care of you and hubby .
LOVE
Mountain ash

Hannelore, my heart aches for you. Everyone has a different view of motherhood, but this one is most unusual. I can't help but wonder what her family background is... What was her mom like when she was growing up? You don't have to answer, but perhaps she's doing what she knows?

Is it possible your son could take that sweet, dreamy little girl and you and hubby could be his right arms?

Too bad all us BWS women don't live in the same town. We've all come to love her. We could share raising her.

"It takes a village to raise a child"
Mountain ash

we are our own wee village

I keep thinking this over and groping for an answer of some sort only the answers don't come. Of course, the most important thing is the care and love of the child; period...and you have already stated this and know it well. You and your husband have really earned some stars for your crown. I admire you so.

I have never felt that there were choices involved here. But that is just my opinion. To me, the day she gave birth, the choice was made. That's here nor there NOW. What you have given that child, the foundation you've laid will, as MA said, give her the grounding she may need.

Since you said that the Mom was never really a contender, I'm wondering if she has been comtemplating divorce all along? She wanted to distance herself from your son? Do you see all the thoughts that are running through my mind?

But ultimately, my question is the same as someone else said...could your son take Anaiya and raise her himself with you and Dad in the wings?

I know your heart is aching...and I so hope I haven't added to your sorrow. I didn't mean to and it wasn't my intent. The question at hand is the child, not what the Mom should or should not have done. That's immaterial.

And too, I think ultimately the answer is going to be what the two of them, Mom and Dad, decide it will be. You can only give encouragement to your son and some sage wisdom and advice when asked. I'm with everyone else...I wish we could wisk you all away to our homes and take turns pampering you all! You all so deserve it. What good hearts you have! My prayers go with you.

We are the wise women who having arrived at this stage sense the sorrow and predict the pitfalls
A child know less although can pick up vibes.
I agree with Dotsie..the other Grandmother's skills and culture are an issue.
Children can thrive if they are considered...and Hannelore you must be listened to during the discussions.
My Grandmother was 54 when she took my care on .Grandfather did his part .As did Aunts and dear friends next door.I never felt neglected and indeed had a rich childhood full of experienced adults.My Uncle was 10 years older..a proxy brother.
You sure have had a roller coaster of a year and a bittersweet week
I cant stop thinking about this and little sweetheart.
Mountain ash

Pssst.. Hi ladies. Just sneaking away to see what wonderful wise thoughts you have given me to think over. I wish so much I could hug you Mountain Ash, Dotsie and JJ. You are truly good friends to me.

Why I’m saying psssst is my son and DIL are here and are staying here till Monday. They are avoiding each other like two street cats. But if anyone can bring them together it is Anaiya. She’s twinkling her eyes at them and smiling and hugging their legs. They just have to come together some time….oh oh …son is coming upstairs…I’ll check in later.

Hannelore,
I don't know what else I can add. I ususally jump in and say something but this was definitely one thing I had to think on during my busy times of late. I can only imagine what your thoughts are of this young mother. You've mentioned it several times so I know it's always been there since you've had the baby with you. Time will tell and as everyone has said, the issue is Anaiya now. Be supportive and let them make their decisions. I haven't added much but just want you to know you're all in my heart and very close in my thoughts. Keep us posted!

How sad this all is.

Probably best that son and wife work this out. Grandparents might actually excerbate the situation right now. (ie. hardening the mother's defenses).

I presume the thought is that the father wishes to have primary custody of child, not minor.

And marital counselling is too late right now? Was it ever tried?