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#144576 - 03/16/08 03:34 PM Re: Latest Sad Scoop [Re: Edelweiss]
yonuh Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 2447
Loc: Arizona
Hannalore, this is a tough situation for you. I've had a similar situation, so I understand. I have a grandchild I have never seen, and there are times that I hurt for not knowing him. Enjoy the time you have and make lots of good memories. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
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#144577 - 03/17/08 12:47 AM Re: Latest Sad Scoop [Re: yonuh]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
Hannelore, you couldn't be whiny if you wanted to...you have real concerns and a heart bigger than anyone I know. I had a thought of hope...look where you were not too long ago with your own marriage. You thought there wasn't hope and I remember hearing such heartache in your words. Look where you are now.
It's possible that perhaps your son and DIL may come around and work through their problems, too. Especially, since there's a darling child involved.
Is there any counseling? I can't remember if you said so.
The bottom line here is what's best for your granddaughter? Something for all to think about. I'll be praying for you and your family dear heart.
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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#144578 - 03/17/08 06:51 AM Re: Latest Sad Scoop [Re: Dee]
diamond50 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/10/06
Posts: 992
Loc: Honolulu, Hawaii
Hannelore, I am so sorry that you are going through all of the above.
You are wise to want to keep out of their dramas and live your life in
peace. As long as you are there for them when they ask.

Five of our six children are in their 30's and over the years we have
seen some of them go through divorce and other dramas. We were there
for them, but we did not interfere; just gave them advice and possible
choices. They are forever grateful for that.

Hannelore, we will be here for you always.

Cindy

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#144579 - 03/17/08 08:18 AM Re: Latest Sad Scoop [Re: Edelweiss]
Lola Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
Quote:

The Grandparent’s help is always welcome, but there are boundaries that we may not cross.
We have decided to try and keep out of the whole situation as well as we can and live our own lives. Hubby will soon be 70, and he needs more quiet and peace around him.





Who says that you cannot cross those boundaries?

Hannelore, I tried to put myself in your situation and imagined how I would react as a mother, mother-in-law and a grandmother. Those roles would compel me to act and it would not be interfering. Those three roles do not cease to be just because our children lead financially independent lives. It also greatly operates on the basis that you have been called upon to take care of Anaiya. That on its own is a license for you to give a piece of your mind along the lines of "why can't I put in my two red cents when they were not reluctant to call upon me to share parental responsibility". As Anaiya lives with you full time, you are technically in loco parentis which means you have parental authority. So, that's where your authority lies.
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#144580 - 03/17/08 09:16 AM Re: Latest Sad Scoop [Re: Lola]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
Adding to Lola...who I think has a point.

I see many parents of growing children standing back while some behaviour is manifest.Staying out too late...drinking too much being rude..and hear them say "what would you do?" giggle as if the actions were a joke.
This would be said at school when parents were sent for.

Fashion has staff to be non directive.and I for one would not want prescripive society.But this isnt society..its your son and his child..
Hannelore...how did you deal with issues when they rose when the boys were little?
Would passion and true hurt at the disintigration of a family be so wrong.
On the dil side...a dream is lost...we share our lost dreams and look backward..here on the forum.
If she only listens to other athletes then she will be hearng biased ideas.Give her time...
This just another viewpoint...
MOUNTAIN ASH

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#144581 - 03/17/08 08:29 PM Re: Latest Sad Scoop [Re: Mountain Ash]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I'm praying that as she backs away from this dream, she will recognize what her family means to her. She is so enveloped in this dream and has been for months. Her mind has been totally focused on it.

I'm praying for a change of heart on her part. I believe in miracles.

When is she totally finished?
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#144582 - 03/17/08 08:35 PM Re: Latest Sad Scoop [Re: Mountain Ash]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Lola, I hear one side of the story from my DIL and then another side from my son. I don’t think either of them are being really honest with me…and it sometimes just wears me out. If we leave Anaiya out of the picture here,…I would say “ those two deserve each other.”….But hey…I don’t really know the real story, and I don’t think it would make a difference if I did.

Believe me, I have told both of them my opinion…and just like you said, I felt I had a right to. But the only one who felt good afterwards was me. They don’t really care what I say or think.

So far it looks like they may go to marriage counselling. I hope it isn’t too late, but being the born optimist…I hope for the sake of Anaiya, that they will get their act together.

Mountain Ash, I was a loving but consequential mother. I had a rough time raising my boys because my husband didn’t support me with the discipline end of things. He always wanted to be the good guy. That made it really tough for me, but I did it. Got to say MA, after I read your post, I tried to imagine dil’s hurt in losing her dream. You are right. There are always two sides to a story.

All I know is that Hubby and I have decided not to take Anaiya if they split. We both feel too old for raising a child. My son now knows this, and it may force him to try to reconcile, instead of using us in supporting a divorce.

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#144583 - 03/17/08 08:41 PM Re: Latest Sad Scoop [Re: Edelweiss]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Thank you for your prayers Dotsie. Yes, being with Anaiya again seems to wake up true motherly feelings in my dil. That's what puzzles me over and over again. She is a compasionate and sensitive mother. Her daughter adores her, and they have a special bonding when together. She will be back from Switzerland in the first or second week of April. So we have Anaiya only for a few more weeks.
One eye is crying .... and the other is smiling.

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#144584 - 03/17/08 08:47 PM Re: Latest Sad Scoop [Re: Edelweiss]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
Hannelore
loss of a dream..also the realisation that loss happens.That we are not invincible.However hard we work or wish otherwise.
Mountain ash

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#144585 - 03/18/08 01:29 PM Re: Latest Sad Scoop [Re: Mountain Ash]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Hannelore, what was your DIL's childhood like? Just wondering...
_________________________
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www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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