Ok, girls, here is the latest scoop on my Olympics playing DIL…and family.

She didn’t make the team. We are still proud that she made it this far. Geez, I wouldn’t have even made it to being the ball boy. But I have some thoughts, that I need to talk about.

It was already obvious last September that my DIL didn’t make it. She wasn’t with the team once for their international games. My son saw that; we all did…and he spoke to her about it, but she hung on to her dream.

How can a mother not take her child for a year because of an unreachable dream? She is wonderful when she is with her daughter, but sometimes I get the creepy feeling her daughter is like a toy for her or just an item to show off with.

Well, mid- April the volley ball contract is over in Switzerland, and my DIL will take Anaiya and go back to Muenich. …Right. ….I wish. I got to add that my DIL could have played those 4 months in a team near Muenich, but prefered Switzerland. If she had played in Muenich, she could have had her daughter with her! I don’t understand her decisions. Doesn’t it make you doubt how good a mother she is?

My son and his wife have serious problems and are talking divorce. The real complication lies in where will Anaiya go. Naturally we all say to the mother…but this mother seems to have other priorities. It breaks my heart for Anaiya. Hubby and I are seriously considering offering our son that if it should come to a court battle, which it will, that we will take Anaiya. Only then would he ever have a chance of keeping his daughter. On the other hand;…What are we doing? We really got to think this through, and ask ourselves if we want to give up our independent lives forever.

I wish and pray the two stubborn heads would just reconcile and move on with their lives together. Please pray for our little Anaiya, and that the best will be done for her. Otherwise our little precious angel will probably live in Florida, with a family where we all have big concerns of what will become of her.

My dear Hannelore
this is a dilemma for every one.I know many will give help.
My inital thought was that this year you have given Anaiya will have given her a grounding for life.There is no doubt the early years set us up.And caring "others" do this.Our life script hold on to the initial bonding
The story is just starting
Take care of you and hubby .
LOVE
Mountain ash

Hannelore, my heart aches for you. Everyone has a different view of motherhood, but this one is most unusual. I can't help but wonder what her family background is... What was her mom like when she was growing up? You don't have to answer, but perhaps she's doing what she knows?

Is it possible your son could take that sweet, dreamy little girl and you and hubby could be his right arms?

Too bad all us BWS women don't live in the same town. We've all come to love her. We could share raising her.

"It takes a village to raise a child"
Mountain ash

we are our own wee village

I keep thinking this over and groping for an answer of some sort only the answers don't come. Of course, the most important thing is the care and love of the child; period...and you have already stated this and know it well. You and your husband have really earned some stars for your crown. I admire you so.

I have never felt that there were choices involved here. But that is just my opinion. To me, the day she gave birth, the choice was made. That's here nor there NOW. What you have given that child, the foundation you've laid will, as MA said, give her the grounding she may need.

Since you said that the Mom was never really a contender, I'm wondering if she has been comtemplating divorce all along? She wanted to distance herself from your son? Do you see all the thoughts that are running through my mind?

But ultimately, my question is the same as someone else said...could your son take Anaiya and raise her himself with you and Dad in the wings?

I know your heart is aching...and I so hope I haven't added to your sorrow. I didn't mean to and it wasn't my intent. The question at hand is the child, not what the Mom should or should not have done. That's immaterial.

And too, I think ultimately the answer is going to be what the two of them, Mom and Dad, decide it will be. You can only give encouragement to your son and some sage wisdom and advice when asked. I'm with everyone else...I wish we could wisk you all away to our homes and take turns pampering you all! You all so deserve it. What good hearts you have! My prayers go with you.

We are the wise women who having arrived at this stage sense the sorrow and predict the pitfalls
A child know less although can pick up vibes.
I agree with Dotsie..the other Grandmother's skills and culture are an issue.
Children can thrive if they are considered...and Hannelore you must be listened to during the discussions.
My Grandmother was 54 when she took my care on .Grandfather did his part .As did Aunts and dear friends next door.I never felt neglected and indeed had a rich childhood full of experienced adults.My Uncle was 10 years older..a proxy brother.
You sure have had a roller coaster of a year and a bittersweet week
I cant stop thinking about this and little sweetheart.
Mountain ash

Pssst.. Hi ladies. Just sneaking away to see what wonderful wise thoughts you have given me to think over. I wish so much I could hug you Mountain Ash, Dotsie and JJ. You are truly good friends to me.

Why I’m saying psssst is my son and DIL are here and are staying here till Monday. They are avoiding each other like two street cats. But if anyone can bring them together it is Anaiya. She’s twinkling her eyes at them and smiling and hugging their legs. They just have to come together some time….oh oh …son is coming upstairs…I’ll check in later.

Hannelore,
I don't know what else I can add. I ususally jump in and say something but this was definitely one thing I had to think on during my busy times of late. I can only imagine what your thoughts are of this young mother. You've mentioned it several times so I know it's always been there since you've had the baby with you. Time will tell and as everyone has said, the issue is Anaiya now. Be supportive and let them make their decisions. I haven't added much but just want you to know you're all in my heart and very close in my thoughts. Keep us posted!

How sad this all is.

Probably best that son and wife work this out. Grandparents might actually excerbate the situation right now. (ie. hardening the mother's defenses).

I presume the thought is that the father wishes to have primary custody of child, not minor.

And marital counselling is too late right now? Was it ever tried?

Hannelore does this selfish girls mother have nothing to say to her about this situation? Where are her parents in all this? Have you ever spoken seriously to her about this yourself?

My best friends here in town, Sandy and Franks daughter Robin had a baby and they couldn't afford her as she already had several others. Robin and her husband were talking about putting her up for adoption with another couple they knew that were childless. Rather that have her leave the family, Frank and Sandy adopted her, all their own children were grown. The babies name was Ashley and she if 17 now and has always thought of Frank & Sandy as mom and dad. Robin and her husband moved back East. It was difficult at times for them having a newborn around but they did it and she has become the apple of their eye. It worked out fine, especially for Ashley, the innocent in all of this. At least Anaiya isn't an infant and she will grow up soooo fast. Your DIL needs a good swift kick in the a//! I hope your son dumps her and sues for full custody of his daughter, she has been a real pain to him as well.

Hannelore, I can tell your heart is breaking as well. My thoughts are that the mother may love Anaiya, but she was never ready to take on the responsibilities of parenthood. Whether this is due to immaturity or a non-mothering personality, I can't say. What I can say is -- Anaiya needs love and a stable family situation. Her mother cannot/will not provide that. I hope either you or your son gets custody.

Hannelore, this is so sad. I don't know what to tell you. Why do you say Anaiya could end up in FL? I didn't understand that. Is that where the mother might go? I'm thinking along the lines that your son could maybe get custody, since your dil hasn't proven to be much of a mother. Maybe he couldn't get custody, but could if the court knew he was going to live with you and you would be there to help him. I'm wondering if your dil even wants custody. Maybe she doesn't. She hasn't wanted the responsibility of the child so far. It would be a cruel thing to do to the child to take her away from her grandparents and move her somewhere far away at this point.

It is very difficult to take on the raising of a child at this time in your life. One of my best friends is doing it and I can see the strain it puts on her and her husband (and not monetarily) I think if/when it comes down to it and if there is a choice to be made, you won't give her up. Little Anaiya is in all our prayers here, that's for sure. Oh, and you too, of course.

Do you have arbitrators in Germany?
In the states, they are not lawyers, but serve in a law capacity, so to speak. They sit in on families (and other relationships, such as in business, to be the mediator when problems seem unsolvable.
These guys need to sit down and talk this through, with a mediator who knows family law. Also, a child advocate should sit in on the meetings. They could make these two knuckleheads realize what they might be doing to their own flesh and blood.

Hannelore..my gosh..my heart bleeds for you and your son´s family!.. Hannelore..wait..give them time..see what they work out..your son and his wife..give yourself TIME to think things thru..see what is happening and where everything is heading.Every relationship has so many facets about it..noone can totally understand another´s relationship..I am sure you see and feel ALOT..but there is probably much that is going on below the surface that perhaps you can´t perceive or feel..do you know what I mean??? So give them TIME..give yourself..well, whatever it is you need, sweetheart! This is only advice..from one grandma to another..and thoughts..

Hannelore, I was 42 when I had my last child..my 18 yr old son who is living with me. I don´t think that I could face rearing another child at this phase of my life..at 60yrs of age. AND I don´t think it would be fair to the child either. I mean..I would be 80 when the child is 20!!! If I live that long..and IF I am still in control of my brain (such as it is) and IF, IF...It´s tough keeping up with my son and I am only 60!!! I love it..yes I do..and he isn´t complaining of my age or anything. BUT 80/20 ratio..??? Think about it..seriously...gently...Do you have anymore adult children? My kids have made arrangements to leave their kids to their brothers primarily..if anything should happen..not to me or granddad (he is 67!). And so it should be..or so I feel, Hannelore..and I certainly don´t have to be right Annalya will be a teenager, sweetheart..how will you cope with that at 70+..and how will she cope with YOU???

Have alittle faith in your son..and his care for his family..WHICH I KNOW YOU DO..and perhaps some faith in life..maybe things will turn out for the best? Even if perhaps you don´t SEE it as the best at the time?

Hannelore..I really feel for you..and these are just some thoughts and perhaps some questions that might help you think??? I hope you all find your way..which you will..I am sure..Annalya has some wonderful grandparents to stand by her!!!

Hannelore...first, let me say how sorry I am to hear your family is going through all this. Sounds like mommie dearest doesn't want to be a mom nor a wife. How is your son at being a full-time father? Can your DIL take her daughter and fly to the states and stay without your son's approval? Is there a possiblity that could happen?
If they do divorce, I hope your son will take his daughter and raise her as best he can with you and your husband's help.
The way your DIL is behaving...she'll regret it one day when she realizes she's thrown away the most precious moments of her life with her child. She can never get that back. I hope your son realizes that the most important thing in his life is his child and will do everything to protect her and make a life for her regardless of how things turn out between him and your DIL. God bless and you all are in my prayers.

Goodmorning my friends. Well, it’s morning here. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for just being there and sharing your thoughts and concerns with me.

Just to answer a few questions: Yes, my son would want custody, and yes the only way he would get it is if Hubby and I take Anaiya during the week. We would probably have to sell out house, and move near our son in Muenich. An ideal situation would be a two family house, but the prices in Muenich are equivalent to NY prices. We would never be able to afford that. Another thing; Anaiya may resent us later in life for taking her away from her mommy. I couldn’t live with that.
Gims, I’ve heard of arbitrators in the US. I love the idea of the child having a representative.
Humlun, those are exactly my thoughts. We are too old for this. And those teenage years cost a lot of strength and stamina. I don’t think we could or should take on such a responsibility. But if worse comes to worse, we feel we should help our son. I can’t imagine him being single for the rest of his life. Someday he would probably remarry and create a patchwork family.
Dee, legally my DIL isn’t allowed to take Anaiya back to Florida, where my DIL’s family lives. But if she wanted to, then she is able to. And the only way a husband can get his child is by hiring a private detective. Oh brother. I don’t really want to paint the walls black…and I’m hanging on to every little sign that they might get together again.

This afternoon we will all visit my other son, DIL and baby. From the outside we all look like a story book family. (sad little chuckle here).
Still, my son and his wife are going through the motions of being an intact family. I can’t help but think if they are capable of doing that, maybe their love will rekindle. Right now, Danny, my son is baking vegetable lasagnes to bring to his SIL for her to put in the freezer. My DIL is dressing Anaiya and wants to take her shopping with her…and Hubby and I will take off to play a round of golf.

At least no fighting or nasty silences are happening. Maybe maybe there is hope. Thank you my dear friends for all your positive thoughts and prayers. I have a feeling they are truly helping.

First, I am sorry that I am only just seeing this, Hannelore.

Second, Please know that my heart is wide open for you and your family.

Third, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this heartache. You have more than your share of struggles lately.

I love you Hannelore and if there is anything I can do, please let me know. I have absolutely no advice to give you, but I do have love and compassion. Peace be with you, my friend.

My prayers and thoughts continue, Hannelore..and I am asking for love from the universal light..love and peace and understanding!!! it will all work out in the end..for the best..in the best way for all involved. I believe this!! For YOU!!!!

Anno, with all that is going on in your life, I’m especially touched by your loving words. There is a German saying; “Under every roof, there is a crack.” How true.

I was just thinking that I hope I don’t come across as the whining one around here. With the divorce rate so high; I’m sure this is a problem many families are confronted with, and how true it is that the entire family suffers under it. The Grandparent’s help is always welcome, but there are boundaries that we may not cross.
We have decided to try and keep out of the whole situation as well as we can and live our own lives. Hubby will soon be 70, and he needs more quiet and peace around him.

I’ll never be able to thank each one of you enough for being such a comfort to me. Just listening and being there is just what I needed right now.

Hannalore, this is a tough situation for you. I've had a similar situation, so I understand. I have a grandchild I have never seen, and there are times that I hurt for not knowing him. Enjoy the time you have and make lots of good memories. I will keep all of you in my prayers.

Hannelore, you couldn't be whiny if you wanted to...you have real concerns and a heart bigger than anyone I know. I had a thought of hope...look where you were not too long ago with your own marriage. You thought there wasn't hope and I remember hearing such heartache in your words. Look where you are now.
It's possible that perhaps your son and DIL may come around and work through their problems, too. Especially, since there's a darling child involved.
Is there any counseling? I can't remember if you said so.
The bottom line here is what's best for your granddaughter? Something for all to think about. I'll be praying for you and your family dear heart.

Hannelore, I am so sorry that you are going through all of the above.
You are wise to want to keep out of their dramas and live your life in
peace. As long as you are there for them when they ask.

Five of our six children are in their 30's and over the years we have
seen some of them go through divorce and other dramas. We were there
for them, but we did not interfere; just gave them advice and possible
choices. They are forever grateful for that.

Hannelore, we will be here for you always.

Cindy

Adding to Lola...who I think has a point.

I see many parents of growing children standing back while some behaviour is manifest.Staying out too late...drinking too much being rude..and hear them say "what would you do?" giggle as if the actions were a joke.
This would be said at school when parents were sent for.

Fashion has staff to be non directive.and I for one would not want prescripive society.But this isnt society..its your son and his child..
Hannelore...how did you deal with issues when they rose when the boys were little?
Would passion and true hurt at the disintigration of a family be so wrong.
On the dil side...a dream is lost...we share our lost dreams and look backward..here on the forum.
If she only listens to other athletes then she will be hearng biased ideas.Give her time...
This just another viewpoint...
MOUNTAIN ASH

I'm praying that as she backs away from this dream, she will recognize what her family means to her. She is so enveloped in this dream and has been for months. Her mind has been totally focused on it.

I'm praying for a change of heart on her part. I believe in miracles.

When is she totally finished?

Lola, I hear one side of the story from my DIL and then another side from my son. I don’t think either of them are being really honest with me…and it sometimes just wears me out. If we leave Anaiya out of the picture here,…I would say “ those two deserve each other.”….But hey…I don’t really know the real story, and I don’t think it would make a difference if I did.

Believe me, I have told both of them my opinion…and just like you said, I felt I had a right to. But the only one who felt good afterwards was me. They don’t really care what I say or think.

So far it looks like they may go to marriage counselling. I hope it isn’t too late, but being the born optimist…I hope for the sake of Anaiya, that they will get their act together.

Mountain Ash, I was a loving but consequential mother. I had a rough time raising my boys because my husband didn’t support me with the discipline end of things. He always wanted to be the good guy. That made it really tough for me, but I did it. Got to say MA, after I read your post, I tried to imagine dil’s hurt in losing her dream. You are right. There are always two sides to a story.

All I know is that Hubby and I have decided not to take Anaiya if they split. We both feel too old for raising a child. My son now knows this, and it may force him to try to reconcile, instead of using us in supporting a divorce.

Thank you for your prayers Dotsie. Yes, being with Anaiya again seems to wake up true motherly feelings in my dil. That's what puzzles me over and over again. She is a compasionate and sensitive mother. Her daughter adores her, and they have a special bonding when together. She will be back from Switzerland in the first or second week of April. So we have Anaiya only for a few more weeks.
One eye is crying .... and the other is smiling.

Hannelore
loss of a dream..also the realisation that loss happens.That we are not invincible.However hard we work or wish otherwise.
Mountain ash

Hannelore, what was your DIL's childhood like? Just wondering...

Dotsie, my dil grew up in a poor family; fatherless, with 5 brothers and sisters. She lived with her grandmother in her teenage years. She is the first of the family to go to college, which she did on a volley ball scholarship. She majored in special education. She is dedicated to her church, and is ordained as some sort of bishop.

I can understand why my son fell in love with her. I have never met anyone with so much charisma and charm. Wherever she goes she draws people towards her. Not only is her personality so striking, she is beautiful and gets stopped on the streets all the time by modelling agencies.

Two different worlds met and fell in love. But marriage? Hubby and I saw this coming.

You know what? I'm in awe.

We all prayed that those horrible posts stop;..and they have.
And now, I got a phone call from my son that he and Nye will work things out, and I have nothing to worry about.
Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers.

Geez...what else can we pray for? This is working!

Hannelore, the posts have not stopped exactly, but we can delete them. Your news is much better!! So glad that those are the prayers that are being answered!! This is so good to hear!!

Boomer prayer is an astounding thing. I think God likes us and the fact that we care so much about one another.

I love boomer prayers!

"Faith, hope and love," and the greatest of these is love!!!

Hello friends ! Yesterday was a rainy afternoon, so I took a little video of Anaiya dancing. She’s on the go all day, except when she plays with her dolls. Then she asks Opa and me to be quiet because her dollies are sleeping. We are usually more than happy to comply… pant pant.

Photobucket distorts the image. Anaiya looks so much older, because the picture is out of proportion and stretches her, but you can get an idea how our dancing queen keeps us on our toes. It takes quite awhile to load...so you may be able to make your bed, a cup of coffee, and eat breakfast too. The video lasts about 3 minutes. But takes longer to load.

anaiya dancing

Meanwhile it’s official. Her Mom did not make the Olympic team. Duuuh,… what a surprise. ... When my son called to ask when she’ll be coming home, she said she’s still training, in order to play against the Olympic roster when they practice. Can you believe it?!!

My son then asked, “After a year and a half, don’t you think it’s time to come back to me and your daughter?” She answered no, and she will decide when the time is right.

My son is now in Switzerland, but when he’s back in 9 days, he’ll be going to a lawyer to see what his chances are to get full custody. His chances are only realistic if my husband and I are willing to officially keep Anaiya and raise her, since he is unable to.

I don’t know what to think. My son said his wife sent him a card every week, and she called us almost every day,…except this last week, she called only once. All these different signals are driving us nuts. My son says the only true message his wife is sending is the fact that she doesn’t want to come home.

One thing is for sure. We will always be there for our granddaughter. We told our son he can count on our support. There in no way we could abandon Anaiya, like her mother has.

Dear, Dear Hannelore,
I'm late to the party on this thread but you are such a kind woman, I wanted to give you my experience on this subject.
I have worked in the field of entertainment at the highest levels, you know, sort of achieving what your DIL was trying to do when she wanted to be a world class athelete.

What I know is that many of those who are world class entertainers are so narcisstic that they ignore their children and see them as a "thing," not even as little people!
I've seen them sacrafice their children at the feet of the altar of their "lifes dream," over and over again.

Eric Burdon of the Animals told me once when his adult daughter was in trouble that it was his fault for touring alll through her life.

Dr. John told me the same!

This sort of sacrafice is unthinkable but these sorts are determined to "make it," no matter who gets under thier wheels, you know?

This little girl is so, so, so blessed to have YOU! You and your husband are making the difference that so many children I know needed and did not recieve,

My thoughts are harsh, but come from knowing this sort of "gig."

If that selfish woman cannot stay and love her daughter, making her career second, she is better out of her life than to do the damage of making the girl feel like she is just "in the way!"

My son wrote an essay once as a senior in highschool. It said, "My mother gave up her career when she was at the top just to raise me." (among other things.)

You're damned right, I did. It was waiting when he was older so I waited!

I would do it again, and again, but I know these narcisstic people who sacrafice their wonderful children.

YOU and your husband are wonderful people and this little girls saviors.

Good for you, and you will feel the love from your work and devotion. Love from everyone, not just her. Loving is "catching," and spreads.

Thank you for loving this child, from a woman who was an artists sacrafice.

D9

I have to agree, Anaiya's mother is so full of herself! What a selfish woman -- and delusional too. She still "needs" to practice with the team?? Give me a break -- it's over and she needs to face up to her responsibilities. The first responsibility she should face is to completely give up custody of Anaiya. Frankly, she doesn't deserve that lovely child.

Yes Dancer, I guess narcissism is what her problem is. What a wonderful mother you were and are to recognize your priorities, despite your own dreams.

Funny thing is my DIL doesn't realize we have our dreams too, which we most likely can't fullfill if we have Anaiya to raise. But Hubby and I agree that this little angel is more important than being able to buy a beach house or go on a cruise. Those are just things. She is a light that never goes out.

Hah! Meredith! Well put; “the first responsibility she has to face is giving up custody of Anaiya. “

That video is so full of love...I want you to know I admire l you for all you are for the wee one.
Next step....get her for keeps...I want to be her Auntie...
Mountain ash

Edelweiss, You already know what my feelings are on your poor excuse for a human being DIL. No matter what you have to say or do to help your son get custody of this angel, do it!!! After he has custody then you can arrange life to suit you, him, and the baby. She is not only the worst mother, and I use the term loosely on her, BUT she is a rotten wife, off wondering around doing God knows what with God knows who. Leaving this poor young man alone and ignored. Let bim DIVORCE this b/witch and you can all get along with your lives. Then in time maybe he'll be able to find a proper loving wife and decent mother for his child...

What Chatty said!
D9

"Funny thing is my DIL doesn't realize we have our dreams too, which we most likely can't fullfill if we have Anaiya to raise."

She knows, she knows exactly what she is doing and what the repercussions are. She does not care about Anaiya, your son, you or your husband. She cares only about herself.

Of course you love your granddaughter, but this was not in your game plan and shouldn't be. It makes me mad . . . I wanted kids, grrrr . . .

Your tape loaded very quickly and was really cute, thank you. At the very beginning, her voice made me think of Shirley Temple and the Good Ship Lollipop. Ausgezeichnet!

You posts made me well up this morning. But not with sad tears; with determined fightng ones. ( Anaiya’s Mom has stopped contacting us now altogether.) Thank you. MA. Don’t you know? You are allready Anaiya's cyberspace Aunty.

Yes Chatty, the battle will be starting. It will be either a long horrible one, or she will give Anaiya up willingly. I hope and pray for the latter.

MIj thanks for letting me know that the tape loaded quickly. Now see, if you lived close by, or we all lived near each other, I have a feeling I would have alot of helpers.. sigh.

Yesterday evening we took Anaiya to a Rock'n Roll show. Boy did she love that music. I think children's songs are passé' for her now. She danced up a storm 3 long hours, and of course Opa and I had to dance with her. It was so much fun. The lead band singer, went down on his knees and sang right to her. She loved it.

Oh honey....so she has shown her true colors? Well, depending on how "free" she wants to be, the fight could last a long time, or not even materialize.

This woman is selfish beyond comprehension for me. How could one not love that child to pieces? Convenient love doth not a mother make.

DOCUMENT...RECORD....DOCUMENT. If you son can get a recording device on his phone, by all means, get one. DOCUMENT, RECORD.

God's speed.

OMG, Edelweiss, my friend. I am so sorry that life is turning out this way for all of you - you, your husband, but mostly for your son and granddaughter. How unfair.

Fight on, fight hard, and know that everyone of us are here for you when times are good and times are bad.

And, like JJ said, document, document, document. Start right now going back and putting in as many dates as you can think of and what was going on.

My heart is with you today and always. Whenever you need me, call or pm or anything!

This is one of those BWS posts that's given me goose bumps the whole time reading.

Thanks for the update. Your DIL had been on my mind because of all the chat about the Olympics. Will she go to China to watch? It doesn't sound like it.

I love hearing dancer's perspective because she confirms the selfishness. However, there's no excuse for this behavior. I wonder what your DIL will be thinking in the fall when the Olympics are behind her. Do you think she will just focus on making the team in another four years?

While I know this is hard on you and your hubby, you have one another. I can't imagine the burden it puts on your son. He's now alone. I'll be praying for all of you.

Edelweiss...first, the video of your precious granddaughter...I could hear the love and pride in your laughter...and it's obvious she's happy being with you. I see the room is full of princess decor...and she is a princess...a darling, beautiful princess. When she's old enough to comprehend what's happening in her life concerning her Mother she'll remember the woman who loved her the most...you.

I will pray for you, your husband, the little one and your son. This is tragic all the way around. I know one day Anayia's Mother will look back on all this lost time with her daughter with regret (I hope so, anyway).
I feel so badly for you dearheart...but, how bless are you to have such a tiny, beautiful angel in your life?
Good luck sweetheart...

Edelweiss, what a sweetheart! I love to watch children dancing, it's such an uplifting sight, isn't it?!

What a heartbreaking situation all around. I'm another one who couldn't have children and it saddens me to see how some mothers don't recognize or take care of the precious gift they've been given.

I too carry everyone in prayer. You're an amazing woman.

Edelweiss, how absolutely delightful she is. I loved her singing too. Does she speak German and English? I noticed the singing on the TV was German. She is such a little Princess with her pink castle and pink horse in the background. Some of the women here that are childless say they aren't sure they could love an adopted child. Take a good look at Anayai and be sure because you truly could. I would take her in a heart beat...

Edelweiss....I had to watch the video again of Anayia...I could not wait to show Larry when he got home from work today...he thinks she's absolutely adorable and wow...she's able to understand two languages at such a tender age...I'm impressed. Okay...YOU should have been in the video, too...I'm so proud of you for being the wind beneath this child's wings. You can tell how happy she is with you...you, dear heart, I'm certain, will have a special place in heaven. Give that little angel a big hug from her Auntie Dee

Where is the video of this young girl?
dancer9

Edelweiss,
Your DIL's heart will bleed for doing what she is doing.
As I said, I've seen it too many times.
There is no removing that pain when it hits.
It always hits and it could do much to destroy her
when it does.

Dancer9

A story:
I employed this woman who wanted to be a model. At the time, I was modeling and I was asked by my home town to put together a fashion show for the chamber of commerce and their annual fundraiser. ( I also had to dance.)
This young woman, my age, became a friend, she was a hard worker and friendly.
She had a man whom she loved deeply. A relationship of three years with an engagement.
Finally she got an interview with a top modeling agency in L.A., her dream.
She also found out she was pregnant.
She struggled with the decision she had to make and she decided to abort the child because of the interview and to follow her dream. This was not her fiance's choice, he wanted the baby.
She went to the interview and passed most of their needs, but, she was ONE inch too short and they sent her home, "sorry, no contract."
I already had a baby by the way...
She came home destroyed because they rejected her. Her relationship died for obvious reasons.

Last I saw her, she was married to a man in Scortsdale, a lawyer, and she was a mother, of three, and a body builder.
She was not the same happy, hopeful person.
She told me, "I never did much with my modeling."

There you have it. You are a mother, in this case, it was a baby concieved in love, or you are ambitious beyond seeing beyond yourself.

Your DIL is really breaking her own heart and ruining her career...

Dancer9

EW, what would your dil do if you weren't there for her child? Would she have to come home or would she find someone else to watch her?

Edelweiss, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you are doing. It means so much, and it means so much to me.

I was raised by my Grandfather, a man I loved, I still love, now that he's gone and admire more than anyone I know, anyone I've met, ever.

My parents were two rich, spoiled kids that had children.
They were COMPLETELY absorbed in themselves and each other.
My mother was a successful painter but she would shop for supplies and not go grocery shopping. It was so bad that often my siblings and I ate PAPER until my father came home to feed us. My father was not there and could not be there as he worked to support our family and then was indulging himself in his hobbies when not working.
If my parents needed money, they asked their parents. They were sad excuses for a Mother and Father.

My grandfather built his estate next door to his only child, my mother. He took to me as I took to him and we spent countless hours together. We sang, we ate, we camped out together, all just he and I. He was born in 1900 so he taught me so much! He was a graduate twice, from the U of Virginia so he taught me that sort of thing as well. I adored him and I would not have survived without our special friendship.
He would make up reasons for needing me to help him so my parents would let me stay with him instead of getting abused and beaten.
When I wanted to dance, I was a ranked tennis player because my father forced it on me. I was miserable.

My grandfather secretly bought my tights, paid for my lessons, and convinced my mother to let me go.

and when I was 9, he gave me a stero and a microphone so I could sing and kept it at his house. Say no more, I was in heaven. He put in his earphones and listened to "Paul Harvey," while his grand daughter sang and danced her heart out.

He had traveled to India and studied yoga, so he taught me that, helping my dancing.

My shrinks have said that I survivedd the abuse that distroyed my siblings because of my special relationship with him.

When I lost him I lost my whole family. But he left me well prepared and I say, to this day, "what would Grandpa say."

I've never posted anything like this anywhere. I just wanted to open up to you and tell you how much a grandparent can make.

He was my "all." He never yelled at me ONCE.

Dancer, sharing my love so you know who you are..

Edelweiss, your granddaughter is so cute! I really like her princess tent!

I’m overwhelmed with all your heartfelt comments. What would I do without you; my dear dear friends.

I haven’t been able to post much lately, and wrote Dotsie a message that I will be cutting my visits down. I need to spend more quality time with Hubby. Between my Mom, Anaiya, and work, Hubby has been getting the short end of things. But I did sneak in to see this post, and just had to reply to all of you. My heart is filled with love and thankfulness when I read your comments.

Chick, My Dil told our son if we don't take Anaiya, then she will bring her to her own mother, who would probably have put Anaiya in a daycare, since she works and doesn't have a partner. She lives in a poor high crime neighborhood. We didn't have much choice.

Last night I had a strange dream. I dreamt I heard Anaiya calling for me. She was outside, and I was in the house. I ran to the window, and saw how she tried to climb in, between wrought iron bars. (We don’t have that on our windows). I managed to help her squeeze in, and then held her tightly in my arms.

I heard once from the mother after 2 ½ weeks. I told her the least she could do is let me know when she’s coming back. She said, she wasn’t able to speak to anyone lately, because she didn’t make the team. I mean really, how could she even be surprised about that! Not once in the year and a half did she play with them on tour. Anyway, I replied I still expected a call. And then added, we are more than just babysitters. Without any further comment she hung up on me!

Half an hour later I got an email from her: “I just wanted to say that I love you with the love of Jesus.... Always remember that.”

What? I don’t understand it, like I don’t understand her. Although Dancer, your posts helped me understand her a little more. And I thank you for that. Thank God you had your grandfather when growing up. He sounds like he was your true guardian angel.

Our son will finally be back in Germany tonight.( He was gone for 3 weeks.) So she will see her Daddy again tomorrow. That means it’s happy dance time again.

Anaiya sends you all hand kisses.

This is so deeply sad.For everyone
Like dancer I have experience of a similar situation.
I as an adult accept things that confused me when a a child.My love was centred on my Grandparents.My feeling for my mother were as if she were an older sister.Her bother and sisters varied in their attitute to me.Two were wonderful.One hid her true feelings.Another OK.It was really the collective expressions that confused me.Only as an adult (and with pain) did I clearly see the whole picture.
I can say truthfully that my Mother loved me.In her way.She nurtured me in her body and gave birth.Indeed just after I gave birth I thought of that.But my reasoning was how could she then go through this then hand me over.When my Father left her I was 10 months old. within weeks she went out with her friends and resumed single life.There was no stopping her. So I conclude she could compartmentise her self.
I belonged to her past.
it may be that your DIL does this also.But her fantasy of being in the team and part of an extended family(the squad) has overtaken her duty to her baby.This did not happen to me.Nor most people but I know others have been like my mother.
also imagine if she had stayed and taken her frustration out on the baby.
Mothering is not the same for everyone.We have to respect that.

many of us have said our bit about this.I add these thoughts due to dancer sharing.
My opinion is that baby stays with you for a time until she goes to school..then your son has a new lifestyle..dont look too far..your son may have to adjust change his job.Mother may want visits..but all that is for later.
Meanwhile enjoy that child.Give her days filled with love music and approval.LET HER SING.

Edelweiss, please excuse me, yet I fell that your DIL is being selfish. I firmly believe that a child learns about how to treat and be treated by the opposite sex from their parents, most specifically the father. A young child watchs how a father treats their mother; thus, a young girl will learn what to expect from a man, and likewise a young boy will learn how to treat a woman when they become adults. Here, with an AWOL mother a young girl may realize that the mother is more important than the child. I'm thankful for her wonderful grandparents!

Edelweiss whatever you have to do to get that adorable child away from her so 'incubator,' she does not deserve the term mother used when speaking of her, all she did was have the child and I bet it wasn't her idea either. Anyway just make sure its done legally and iron clad, so she can't slither in later and upset the apple cart yet again.
You will be missed but good for you wanting to spend more time with Mr., sometimes they are left out when not meaning to. Give him a high five and a hug from me...

Anaiya has YOU and your husband as her gaurdian angels and it's as real as it gets, Edelweiss.
Those of us, Mountain Ash and I, for example, know what you are doing is very, very special.
Yes, grandparents take care of their grandkids all the time, even raise them,
But you are giving her a LIFE,

Dancer9

dancer, thanks so much forharing these parts of your self with EW during this most confusing time. Your comments about your grandfather were so moving. I'm sure EW understand the impact she and her hubby are having/will have on Anaiya. Your grandfather sounds like he was ahead of his time. What a loving soul.

EW, what's going to be interesting is wehn your DIL's friends move on after the Olympics and she's left behind. Where will she turn?

Embrace that hubby of yours from all us boomer women. You are wise to stay focused on your relationship with him!