Just want to share this link. I thought it was a good article.

http://www.soth.net/sermons%202001/sermon%208-26-2001.htm

Edelweiss, dearest..thank you for the tip on the article. I read it, of course, I say..subjectively. And it kind of disappointed me..I think the author still gives alot of bad feelings to the poor person who has tried and tried so long..and still can´t find a way to survive in their marriage. He ends with all that about "death do us part"..it´s sort of his conclusion. I get the feeling that this is his main message..and that can breed guilt in someone who is trying so hard..but still not able to make it. Yes, I see myself in the article and do not think he gives me respect for the decision I finally made to "leave".

The picture of being 75 or 72 and hearing the cry that ends all communication is the picture that hurts the most, perhaps, when you decide that you must leave..because you will not, then, share your older years with this person that you have so much history with..in my case, as you know by now..32yrs of marriage and 5 children, one that has passed on, and 4 grandchildren. There is no other man that can share all of this with me..but still I couldn´t stay. I wanted to so badly..we had built so much together..but ´my hubby just didn´t have respect, maybe even love, for the person I had become.

I think the author is trying to show some understanding for those of us that have had to go..but he doesn´t succeed. And this disappoints me..do you understand??

Hugs, dear Edelweiss..and thank you anyway!

Humlan, I thought it a good article in the sense it made me think.

I don't agree with everything he says either. But I do think that some people marry, with the idea in their head that if it doesn't work out we'll get a divorce; especially young people tend to think that way.

I thought he had some interesting points:

" One thing your spouse has coming is the truth, not merely words honestly spoken, but truth that can be seen and felt. The line may need to be drawn, and suffering and endurance ended. But before doing that, consider whether or not you are speaking the love language of your spouse."

I can't read that whole sermon. But the question of this thread is a good question. If we want to continue with this thread, I'd like us to define a "bad marriage." The obviously bad marriage is one with violence, where either or both people are not safe, and children are threatened. Another obviously bad is with alcoholism and/or drug addiction, where the user has refused help. Another is financial infidelity, oh, of course other infidelity. Ok, so aside from the obvious, how do you define bad? Is it no sex, too much sex, not on the same wavelength, grown apart, values changed, one on a spiritual path, the other on a shallow existence. Is boring bad? Or do you just focus on the good and have gratitude and ignore what you are not getting that may make the marriage "bad." Is it bad when you marry your best friend, but then you've lost chemistry? I guess it's not bad if it doesn't bother each partner. The experts always say tht romantic love is not the same as long-term marriage love. Really asking what do you all think? L, PL

Don't you love the name Ginger Coffee? Names crack me up!
Agape love is wonderful but we humans have a hard time reaching that level. Christ had no problem with it because He was GOD. There isn't anything God can't do. Yes He was flesh too. But He was the Most High GOD! I attempt to live with agape love but I know that I know I fall far short of that goal.

I believe young people of today are afraid of marriage.
They know the statistics are 50% make it and 50% do not succeed. As a result, many, many babies are being raised without a dad! And that's a darn shame!

I agree with not staying in violent relationships. And sometimes another woman comes in and takes your man.
Then, you have no other choice but to let go!

I did enjoy the article, Edelweiss! Thanks!

How about if a women is so bored she goes to another man? By the time she has started an affair, she has already let go, emotionally.

This is an interesting topic and one whose answer has certianly changed through the years. I bet we'd get differing opinions from every generation.

The younger kids see divorce as an option, but our parents didn't think that way.

I don't know the answer, but I think it has a lot to do with feeling respected and valued as a woman.

I agree with you jabber. I think nowadays our children grow up in a society of so much divorce they aren't as interesting or maybe compelled to "tie the knot" with someone they love. I know when I was a girl I dreamed of turning 18 and marrying. I have a grown daughter who is 29 and a single mom. She has no desire to marry. I can't blame her. I don't want my kids to think that because I can't find a spouse that I want to stay with the rest of my life, I don't take marriage seriously. I just pick the wrong type of men to marry, probably because I don't think I deserve better? If that makes any sense...

I've always marvelled at some elderly people who have been married 60, even 70 years. I believe our parents felt that "till death do us part" was the way it was no matter what and they were far more committed to marriage than generations after that. That being said, I also feel that many stayed in horrible relationships forever because "that's the way it was." Our generation came along and may have recognized that and we started the divorce explosion. So now our children do feel it's more of an option than not. By the way, welcome Kit Kat !

Welcome KitKat to the forum...

I feel sorry for those women who stayed in a marriage because of their religion, or because they were always taught it was 'till death do you part.' My own wonderful mother stayed with my dad who was abusive mentally, and tried to keep her bare foot and pregnant, literally. She divorced him after 25 years BUT only because we older kids made her do it. Dragged her to a lawyer. She said she never would have done it on her own. She was terrified and was completely shocked to see she could make it on her own.

Now however, marriage is like a pair of shoes, if they hurt your feet after awhile, off they go and get a new pair, dress too tight, 86 it. Job doesn't make you feel good, quit, get a new job and so on and so on. Where and when, if ever, will there be a happy medium? Woman aren't those intimated little girls anymore... This is a good thing but has some bad circumstances as well. It is hard on todays children too.