I believe in divorce, obviously, when nothing else works and the abuse, alcoholism, infidelity, whatever...does not stop. Period. It's rare that people change and the ones who do...well, good for them.

Remember that the average life span was only 35 when this "until death do we part" started. No one ever thought they would live long enough to be with someone for 50 or 60 years.

Louisa...so true. My son sent me this yesterday...

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that, too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today”.

Hi and welcome 2 kitkat!!!
My grandfather cheated on my grandmother. She knew it! But they stayed together over 60 years. Their only daughter was married over 70 years to the same man. I've researched recent articles on this subject, "Till death do us part?" for a manuscript. 1 study focused on [Divorce-Prone individuals and the question of why some persons fail in 1 marriage after another; serial marriages; etc.] 1 expert said marriage failed because of 3 issues: self-involved narcissists; those that are compliantly depressed; and life's unforeseen changes. Another said between 1960 and 2004 the number of unmarried couples increased from less than 1/2 million to over 5 million. But many Ph.D. folks think women stay in marriages because of the children. Broken homes really mess up the kids, for life. I tend to agree!!!

P.S. If the kids are grown and you're unhappy, chuck the whole thing and enjoy your life!!!! Me thinks!!!

I think 'till death do us part...unless the following happens" should be added to the wedding vows. I mean who signs up for physical abuse? Adultry? Alcohol or drug abuse that does not stop? If some jackass decides being married to a woman gives him the right to abuse her...he deserves to be dumped.

What a loaded question- how long do you stay in a bad marriage?

Having the priveledge of working with women worldwide as a Business/Life Coach specializing in divorce, I have seen many different situations. I do believe in marriage, but we all have to be true to ourselves to be the best we can be.

I was married for 20 years to a man who was passive aggressive and verbally abusive. I look back on how little self-esteem and confidence I had in myself. I felt I was just existing. How could I be a good role model for my children?

I have been divorced for 12 years. I love my life. I have never been happier. I have not remarried, yet I have had several wonderful men come into my life who have helped me know who I really am. They all were a part of my life for a reason.

Being true to yourself allows all your gold nuggets that exist within shine through.

I have two very successful grown children with healthy relationships. They have mentioned several times of how proud they are of their mom.

Bottom line- listen to your heart and be the woman you were meant to be.

Oh my Dee, what a priceless story. It made me laugh out loud. I imagine husbands feel the same losses we women feel who stay married for a longtime.

I still believe half of staying in a bad marriage is fear of making it on our own, me inclued in that for awhile. Yet we forget we made it alone before and are better prepared now with children mostly grown to do it aqain. I would rather be broke HAPPY, then RICHER and SAD!!!! Lie is too darn short.

If a man/woman cheats and the partner knows and children are involved then what happens.?

Do the childen "try " harder and choose what they see as a stable partner rather than a soul mate?

Do they remain unmarried?

Do they become cheats?

What does it do for the partner if this is a serial thing?

Is there a tit for tat revenge ?
It was so sad at school when kids tried to process new Daddy/uncle thing.stepmother and Dad's girlfriend.
Some took it in their stride but at times I saw deep distress.And a personality change.A stand still in their development.
No one starts off with the intention I am sure.

I do fully believe where there is abuse then the woman should leave.Again as much for the offspring as herself.

And in the event of one partner needing the support many Boomers give and receive.How hard it must be to do the best when there is resentment due to past misdemeanors.
Forgiving ...is it possible if betrayal has happened.

I have experience .
My Mother divorced her husband my Father ,,he left when I was one.And had been on war work.I do not remember these days.I was blanketed into my mothers family with much love from my Grandparents.yet in adulthood I processed those aunts who disapproved that Mother had "done this" she indeed handed me fully over to her parents..or did she? It was unspoken .she died without me really knowing her as a mother.I am aware in many relationships I have tried to recreate a Mother/daughter bond which is IMPOSSIBLE.
In training I confronted many issues,,and because of my personality carried saddness inward.never sharing.Wise Grandparents knew me...and showed me ways to compensate.They had a daughter who died..I am named for her and in some ways that too was a pressure.
I reached my potential academicly and choose a route to helping many..so in life we compensate (I believe)
I met a soul mate (after a few frog kissing) and together we have a home/family.
No one has a ideal childhood.I have listened and observed many many others.
But
we have choices and many agengies exist for supporting families. Starting with those in our vicinity then schools...churches and self help groups.
In giving we receive..
Mountain ash

My answer is "I don't know."

Forgiveness is the only way to be free of your past.

Otherwise the bitterness and resentment will hold you back, cause an unbelievable amount of stress and as we all know stress can cause illness both mentally and physically. I always remember the expression- "What you think about, you bring about."

My former husband was caught cheating. Yes it hurt, but I had to let that go in order to live the life I desire and deserve!

Joanie