I can forgive because thats the Christian thing to do BUT forget, now thats another story. Once a CHEAT in my estimation and experience, always a CHEAT! Kick him to the curb after you forgive the loser.They don't change they just get better at it and harder to catch a second, third time etc.

I'm not sure there's an answer to the question...it just seems to be a rhetorical question to me. Each person is different, has different levels of "stamina" I suppose.

Chatty, that is so true about forgiving and never forgetting. Heck if I ever forgot what my cheating ex put me through emotionally and financially, I would be downright stupid I think. I put up with probably the last 4-5 years of my marriage dealing with someone who was lying and cheating as well as drinking heavily and most likely getting involved with drugs (the gal he got involved with WAS busted on drug theft felonies). Fortunately, the bust happened AFTER we divorced so I didn't have to put up with any of the outfall from THAT episode. My ex just turned out to be the male equivalent of a drama queen.

I learned some lessons, and whilst I don't hold that against any other man, I primarily learned about myself during that experience. Yes, the fear of making it alone was there--INITIALLY. Heck, I was married 24 years and married young. But I sucked it up, realized I had a stable career, some brains, some education, and knew my kids weren't raised to either lie or cheat OR put up with any kind of abuse...verbal, mental, emotional, or physical. And I DO consider anyone who lies or cheats or steals as being abusive--they cause you to question your own sanity when they deny the truth. Kick those buttheads to the curb is what I say!

Every post here has real merit. And I agree that each person has to do what's best for them, at the time and in their particular circumstance. Life 'tis hard; and marriage is harder. Pursuit of happiness is our civil right. No one should take that away from anyone! And IMO no person should have 2 put up with abuse, either physical or mental! If a gal is being tormented or abused, like Chatty said, "Kick him 2 the curb!!!"

"Pursuit of happiness is a civil right."

How true is that? But often it's within the pursuit that women in poor marriages get dragged down and lose their fight for a better life. Sad, but true.

I think that the definition of a bad marriage is different for everyone. Some women are not traumatized by infidelity...heck...they go for it, too! The same with alcholism...it's not a breaker for everyone. For one woman it might be that her husband who was faithful and sober but was totally unattentive and never listened to her...made her terribly lonely and unhappy.

I think we can only answer the question for ourselves in the context of the relationship that we are in.

And I guess for the me answer to how long she stays in what she considers to be a bad marriage depends a lot on her since of self worth. It's only when you decide that your personal life is more important than anyone else's opinion that you can actually leave.

Just my thoughts.

Jane, great point. Some women accept the alcoholism and the affairs. How amazing is that? But you're right, some are also the ones drinking and having the affairs. We're all different. What we want for others isn't always what they want for themselves.

Anne you are a HOOT!!! I am really into this Law of Attraction thing..if you saw my nite table you would cry..or laugh..all these books on the Law of Attraction and Vibration and Allowing..o yes..I am becoming expert. But as you point out..it doesn´t wash in all situations.. I am using it to become this sickenly positive person in the later years of my life! I mean if I should happen to attract more money or happier life..that´s ok by me. But I promise not to spout my theories on you! He he!!!

I really love you, gal!!!

Jane your post was interesting..everyone does have different ways of seeing things..and even these opinions change. I think it´s so important to support those around us..help them along their chosen way..because you never know a person until you have walked in his/her shoes...hmmm..

If the pendulum IS swinging to the other extreme..divorces left and right and often..perhaps that is what has to happen to bring it all down to a middle way in the end. Some men/women have endured very difficult marriages over the years..for the sake of the vows they once made and society`s judgement..this can´t be ideal either.. as many of you say..

The thing is, we're all so complex. Don't know about U, but 1 day I'll feel a certain way about a particular subject.
Then a few days later, I'll feel differently about that exact topic. Mindsets seem to fluctuate with moods. I don't know, perhaps that's just female hormones???

jabber, You hit the nail on the head. Hormonal mayhem strikes again.

"Hormonal mayhem," that's a great name 4 it! Ever fail at not allowing yourself to get angry; U couldn't stop. U explode. U apologize. U tell yourself never again. And a few days later, you apologize 4 the same darn thing: U got angry and exploded again. Geesh! Those dang emotions R a real pain!!! Then U add PTSD; and Heaven help us, all.