gims, have you shared how you feel with your family? I hope you don't mind my asking. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't. I'm just curious if they know how disgruntled you are with them...

Heel EW's advice. She's always right on!

kate, you are such a good girl not to want to turn the tables on your mom. It ever pays to be vindictive. Not in my book.

Anger has a lot to do with people not being happy with who they are, where they are, etc. in life. Key, sounds like he took it out on everyone around him. Do you thiink he's happy now, or will ever find true happiness?

That I really do not know...if he's happier now or not. I haven't talked to him now in nearly 5 years. The last time I'd seen him was a doozy though LOL. We'd been divorced a bit and he showed up at my door...kicked out of his girlfriend's house, she was up on the felony drug theft charges, no money, no job. Nada. I gave him the couch for a night and he stayed 2 weeks. I had to call the cops to kick him out because I gave him 2 rules: 1) no communication with the drug felony girlfriend and 2) no drinking/boozing/drugging while under my roof. There was to be NO talk of reconciliation during this time, either. (I was terrified he'd try because he was well....disgustingly pathetic and desperate at this point.) Both rules were violated and I told him out. He refused to leave. I called cops. He took off in his truck in a flash when I was on the phone to 911. He was drunk.

Kids don't really keep me up to date on his comings and goings although I do know he lives in a completely different city than me now (we both moved out of the area we lived in when married) and he did experience some severe regrets at some of his actions and words because he lost three grandparents, a father, and two close friends (all died) during this time. I think part of that played into this. My thoughts: along the lines of AA. He may be experiencing some of those "twelve steps" and is working through them if he is making amends with his family (kids and his mom)--I do know he has been visiting his mom much more frequently since his father passed and the kids do tell me he makes good tries at spending time with them. But I don't believe I'll ever really know. Kids have told me he's terrified of ever even being in the same room as me....I must be terribly evil and cruel Some folks have told me it's because he's deeply ashamed of what he's done and unable to deal with me yet. I don't know.

When 2nd daughter graduated college earlier this summer, we made separate trips for separate events (he attended her art exhibition, I attended the actual ceremony). Sad but true. I'm not sure if I even care to know if he's happy. It just hasn't crossed my mind in a very long time until you asked. I was just quite relieved and happy for myself once the smoke cleared and I got on with my life.

Sounds like you made the best decision. I also appreciate and applaud you for setting such fantastic boundaries. You must be one strong woman.

Also, just want to share that I like the way you express yourself through writing.

Keyholes, I agree with Dotsie. You must be a very strong woman! So good that your life is in control again, and that you are happy! Yes, taking control and guiding your life. I guess that is what it's all about.

gims,
Life is too short to stay in toxic relationships! I agree with those gals that say, "B true 2 yourself"; if you don't take care of U, no one else will.
Prayers and blessings,

P.S. I tried to weigh in on this thread 1 other day and lost the post. Sorry 4 the delay!!!

Someone said, TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE! I don't remember who said it but they were right on...

keyholes, I agree with dots... you made the right decision, a not so easy one I'm sure. Glad you could get on with your life.