Why DID the chicken cross the road....?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
BARRACK OBAMA : Because he wanted change! Nobody said the other side was better but it was different.
JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am n ot for it now, and will remain against it.
HILLARY CLINTON: To vote for me, of course. It is my time and I am the only person in the world who can save America (with a little help from Bill)
PAT BUCHANAN : To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
JOHN EDWARDS : To come to the law offices of John Edwards &Associates so he could file a lawsuit against KFC for inhumane treatment of chickens awaiting slaughter.
COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?
ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain. Alone.
HARRY REID: This is unacceptable to me; it's unacceptable to the American people. This chicken must stay on his side of the road.
BARBARA WALTERS : Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON : Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% <mailto: cra...#@&&%5E%28C%> <mailto: cra...#@&&%5E%28C%> ..... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
O.J. SIMPSON: To show how he WOULD have crossed the street if he crossed the street.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE : I invented the chicken!
[Lavender] CHENEY : Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens