The cancer which has been in Anita's bladder, her breast, her bones is now in her liver. Two weeks ago she had an emergency appendectomy. Her heart works 17 percent of what it should. Her blood pressure is high, has been for years. Her doctors recently told her she had 4 to 6 months to live. She is only 64, eight years older than me. Longevity is in our family and yet . . . .

When I was 5 she made me a dress. There wasn't much money, so my brother, Wes, and sister would hold out a blanket. I climbed into the center, they held it by the corners and bounced me trampoline style. Anita, Wes, the neighbor kids and I all played Annie, Annie Over, over the top of the house, although I was really too little at the time to be of much help. We went swimming in the mucky slough that ran adjacent to the home place. We went camping with our parents. Anita and I shared a bedroom until I was 8. At 16 she married her childhood sweetheart, Dan. They have been married nearly 48 years. She has three children, the youngest disappeared 7 years ago, a source of constant heartache. She has 5 grandchildren and 2 3/4th great grand children. Her family is her life.

I have lived a very different life. I chose not to have children, a decision I do not regret. I ended two marriages because my husbands treated me badly. I finally met a man I loved who loved me. He died suddenly of cancer in 1988. And even though I subsequently found a dear man I love bunches, who now shares my life, it took me a long time to be whole again. Over the years there have been numerous tragedies in my life, tragedies I worked to overcome. These heartaches led me to evaluate the belief system I was raised with and adjust it to what works for me.

My sister made no such changes. She believes very much like she did as a young person. So when I learned of her prognosis, I wondered what I could do to help comfort her through this. I thought of the things that comfort me now. But knowing who she is, I know these things would not comfort her.

So many times when someone is dying people try to convince them that if they just accepted this new way of viewing things, spiritually speaking, they will be better off. To do this to my sister would be unfair. It would not help, and it is unnecessary. And it would certainly not honor her right to choose her own way of viewing the world, God and the afterlife. All I've gained, while for me is just right, would be of no help to her - except for one thing.

One of the ways both she and I work through our troubles is by listening to music. And although I have expanded my choice of music from the country and gospel music our parents raised us with, Anita has not. She loves country singer, Don Williams. I like his music too. She absorbed every album he produced. She'd listen to and sing each song until it drove the rest of her family - Dan and the kids nuts. So I reasoned that she must also like Jim Reeves. Remember Jim Reeves - the velvet voice that went directly into your soul?

I had no cassettes or CD by him. Unfortunately he died in a plane wreck, like all good country-western singers used to do, before cassettes or CDs. So I took out my LP collection, yes, I still have it and retrieve his album called, We Thank Thee. His voice, his words, this LP has soothed me for years.

I put the LP on the turntable and set about making a cassette - eliminating the scratchiness as best I could - the album is probably 40 years old. To fill the tape I had to find other songs. I considered some I love, but knew they would not speak to her soul. I was tempted to put them on the tape anyway - to expose her to it. I thought again. No, this is for Anita, not for me. So I added some Sonny James gospel music. After filling side A, I copied the same music to side B. This took me all day . . . . so I could get it just right. And I realized that for me this is part of what is known as grief work.

Today, in my grief, without knowing it, my sister gave me a gift. She helped me reinforce within myself how important it is to honor the needs of others, to address them in the way that is right for them, not try to change them.

Vi

Vi...I know we've talked via email, but I have to say this is one of the most beautiful testaments of love I've ever read. Although I don't know Anita, I wish I did! I'm sure she has a wonderful spirit to be so worthy of your devotion.

Thank you for sharing this intimate experience and please know that we are all thinking of you and Anita during this time.

We will be here for you.

Much love, JJ

I certainly agree with JawJaw's eloquent message to you Vi.....my heart goes out to you and Anita of course. I'm so glad you and I have begun an "email friendship" and I hope that you know if you need a friend - I'll be here!

Your loving tribute to your special relationship with Anita is a wonderful way to honor her and your expressions of love are beautifully said.

Vi, how touching, selfless, loving, and caring. May God bless you and Anita in the midst of this gracious, couragious act of love. He will use it as He desires. You are an instrument of His peace. I'll always carry this story in my heart.

I will also add you and Anita to my prayer list this morning.

Vi, I have added you and Anita to my prayer list as well. The treasures in your post have touched my heart. God Bless.

Andria

Vi, Sharing with Anita face to face just how much she has meant to you and how she has touched your life through her own - will be the greatest comfort I think you could bring to her now to show her that her life did and does matter, and that she did, what all of us hope at the end of lives we have done,

more than enough.

What a beautiful post. Sisters. Nothing like them. I'm so glad that you are there for her in all your loving ways. My heart breaks for both of you but the love you share is wonderful.

Vi, this is a great lesson: "Today, in my grief, without knowing it, my sister gave me a gift. She helped me reinforce within myself how important it is to honor the needs of others, to address them in the way that is right for them, not try to change them." I'm so sorry to hear about your sister, and the sadness it brings to both of you. The song that comes to my mind is Tim McGraw's "Live Life Like You're Dying" Love and Light, Lynn

Thank you all so very much for your kind words. I appreciate your thoughts,prayers and support. Love is the greatest gift of all. Thanks for yours.

Vi