Thank you all for your support. It greatly blesses me and my loved ones.
My husband, Phil, and I arrived at my sister and brother-in-laws house around 11 a.m. The service was scheduled for 2. The house was nearly ready for the guests that would arrive later. Mom and Dan were there along with my brother's son and grandson. They'd driven from central California, a 12 hour drive, instead of taking Amtrak because it was running 2 hours late. Dan gave Phil and I a large framed picture of Anita, a copy of the one enhanced for the service. It was thoughtful of him. He had copies for other family members as well.
I had decided to flow with whatever happened. Emotions were largely concealed. I know that during this time, with the service pending, people often put on their facades so they can make it through - without breaking down, or whatever. Dan and Anita's oldest son, the one mentioned earlier in this thread, his wife and step son arrived. We all drove over to the chapel. Dan's daughter and son-in-law were waiting. Some of the flowers Dan had ordered had not been delivered. We had this problem when my mom's last husband died. A call corrected this error. Because of this, the florist gave Dan two free arrangements. The family arranged the flowers and the displays and set up the large picture of Anita in the vestibule along with a couple of collages of family pictures.
Dan learned that Anita still had not been cremated. It had been 8 days. This bothered him. This meant that urn that was up front next to the flowers was empty.
Next, we went to a Izzy's, a pizza place, with a buffet for lunch. Grandkids, great grandkids, his daughter, son and their families joined us. I had been to Izzy's 2 months earlier when Anita and Dan took my friend Mary and I there for my birthday lunch. There were 18 of us, this time. It was a comfortable peaceful gathering.
Back at the chapel relatives and friends had started to arrive. Some of them I had not seen for ten years - last family reunion on my mom's side. It's always interesting to me to see who comes to this kind of thing and who doesn't. There was a reunion scheduled in another part of the state for the same day for Dad's side of the family. So some of those people didn't come, but some came to Anita's service instead. My dad's siblings are gone. Mom is the last one of her generation on her side. One of Mom's remaining sister-in-laws was too ill to come, the other had just had surgery. There was a lot of hugging. I am grateful to each one who came. There was a good crowd. I always think ahead of time - what if not very many people show up?
As people entered the chapel, Peter, Paul and Mary songs were playing in the background. Mom, Phil and I went up to the front to sit by Dan. He had opted not to sit in the family room. Soon he moved to the other side of the front of the chapel. Angus his 4 year old grandson wanted to sit over there, Dan said. Soon others joined Dan.
The service began with the pastor talking of Anita's life, then opened it for others to speak. Their son and a granddaughter each read something that was important to Anita and her life. I hadn't known if I would have the control to say anything. But when it came time I went to the podium and spoke of being the little sister and a couple of memories. My voice was edged with light tears, but basically I did fine. Other cousins got up and spoke as well, including cousin, Jill, whose laugh is infectious and whose open loving nature brings a lightness to every gathering. After the remembrances the pastor brought a message of Anita's faith and a service in keeping with that faith. When he was done he announced the next music - Puff the Magic Dragon. It seems as the grandchildren were growing up and accompanied Anita and Dan on their vacations, they would all sing about Puff.
I was sitting between Mom and Phil with family and ex-family all around. So many of us these days have ex-spouse and ex in-laws who still care. My second ex, who has remained close to Dan and Anita, brought his wife and kids. This time there were no barbs in his statements to me. I was glad that Phil is now my husband. His loving support blesses my life. Mom did okay, taking it like she has the other losses in her life. She has strong faith. This carries her.
At the reception we all visited, kids played in the yard. The weather was warm, pleasant. As I spoke to cousins and other family members and friends, learned where their lives had taken them and some of how they were feeling, I remembered family gatherings when we were young. Now on the edge of old age I was reaffirmed, within, for the choices I made. I was so glad that these choices, that sometimes the family disapproved of, led me to the place I am now, to the future I see opening before me. It gave me a lightness within the loss.
Anita - prior to the service I kept getting the words in my head - "Wear red so I can find you." Red has always been my color. It cheers me up. So I wore red. Maybe it wasn't Anita speaking to me. Maybe it was. But whatever the case, it was Anita's day, and she was very loved.
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