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#15407 - 12/11/05 08:17 AM How to be compassionate
Vi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/21/05
Posts: 252
Lately, I've been thinking of compassion and how best to exercise it. I have my ideas, which I try to carry out. I took a lot of psych in college, I've read a lot of books, but sometimes when it comes right down to it, I wonder, "How/What are the best way(s)to be compassionate?"

I realize it depends on the person, the situation, one's relationship with that person etc. I know it's all about heart.

So I'd like your opinions. I'd like to know what works for you when you are the recipient of compassion and when you are the giver. I'd like to learn as much as I can about this. Would you share your skills with me?

Thanks,
Vi

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#15408 - 12/11/05 07:06 PM Re: How to be compassionate
Daisygirl Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
Vi, that is a very interesting question. I assume you are talking about compassionate behavior, as I believe compassion is an emotion we feel. I can see something on tv and cry over people or animals I don't know - 9/11 is a good example and also watching Animal Planet.

I have been the recipient of compassion and one experience was when I was rejected by someone I loved very much. One of my friends was visiting me and I broke down and cried. My friend held me in her arms and I sobbed and sobbed for a long time. To me that was compassion, just being with someone who is hurting. That friend is very different than me, but she is like a sister. She can be judgemental and is very straight-laced, where I am more accepting of situations and people who do not necessarily fit the Christian mold. I do realize she is a very unique woman who I can count on to be honest and capable of caring very deeply.

I think showing compassion is acting on what you feel. When someone tells me about a serious problem, such as abuse from a SO, then I've been known to invite them into my home, just to give them a leg up. I believe God puts people into our lives who need help, then He helps us help them. I do not allow people to use me either, I am not a pushover.

I'm sure you will get many other stories from our boomer sisters since I've noticed many compassionate hearts in the forum.

Daisygirl

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#15409 - 12/11/05 07:25 PM Re: How to be compassionate
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Vi, I think a good guideline is to do what you would like someone to do for you if you were in the same situation.

I love food, flowers, and I love to pray. So I find myself praying for others and taking them food and/or flowers. Another good idea is to care for little children if there are any involved.

Is this the kind of thing yo are looking for? Great topic.

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#15410 - 12/11/05 07:38 PM Re: How to be compassionate
ladybug Offline
Member

Registered: 09/22/05
Posts: 1402
Compassion is letting a person pour out their heart to you and responding as best as you can. It can be a hug or calling them up on a rainy day to take them out or invite them over for coffee just to talk. Compassion is being a lifeline to someone in need. Compassion is letting that person pull you down into their sorrow and rising up out of it together. Compassion is figuring out a way to help that person come out of a bad situation. Compassion is in just being there for someone in need, crying along with them if they need it.

[ December 11, 2005, 11:42 AM: Message edited by: ladybug ]

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#15411 - 12/11/05 10:30 PM Re: How to be compassionate
NHJackie Offline
Member

Registered: 09/22/05
Posts: 868
Loc: Merrimack, NH
Compassion, for me, is the ability to listen and not judge. People tell me I've always been good at that, but sometimes I wonder. If you feel impatient with someone who refuses to try to change a bad situation but keeps complaining about it, is that lack of compassion? If it is, I've been guilty of that once in a while. I usually can't deal with people who won't try to change their lives for the better if they can.

I was always the first one to be there with help when anybody needed it. As for receiving compassion, so many people have shown it in so many way while Chuck and I were sick. Just a smile and a hug is enough. So prayers, even from people you don't know.

I think what goes around comes around.

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#15412 - 12/11/05 11:00 PM Re: How to be compassionate
yepthatsme2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
Compassion, is the awareness of another's suffering or anguish.... and the deep desire within yourself, to relieve their suffering.
It's mercy toward your brother or sister.

A good example:

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Luke 6:31

[ December 11, 2005, 03:02 PM: Message edited by: yepthatsme2 ]

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#15413 - 12/11/05 11:13 PM Re: How to be compassionate
Vi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/21/05
Posts: 252
Thank you all. Yes, this is what I'm looking for. Please keep sharing.

I do the things mentioned above too. But sometimes it just doesn't seem like enough. And I, too, at times feel impatient with someone who doesn't make the changes they need to make to improve their lives. But all in the right time - some of us have to be hit in the head with a 2x4 several times to get the guts to make the needed change or to see clearly what we need to do. I've been there numerous times. And sometmes what I may think someone needs to do, is not what they need to do. They need a solution right for them, not the one right for me.

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#15414 - 12/12/05 12:31 AM Re: How to be compassionate
yepthatsme2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
Sometimes, what appears to be the right decision in your mind, might not be the right decision for the person in need of direction.

People learn at different levels, some get it right off the bat. Other's, take experience after experience to learn from their mistakes, before deciding the correct direction.

We can't force our opinions upon others, or try to control their actions.

What we can do is to support and listen, no matter... if we have heard it time and time again. Or, watched that person go over the same experience time and again.

Patience, is a state of balance, that rises simply out of understanding.
The unexpected gift experienced after a merge and flow within of struggle, perspective, judgment, and the harnessing of mind.

Evidentually, we are all lead in the right direction, through patience.

Love is patient, love is kind.
1Corinthians 13:4

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#15415 - 12/12/05 01:14 AM Re: How to be compassionate
LSmith5434 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/05
Posts: 370
Loc: Washington State
My best friend lost her husband in May. He was 58, and died of CHF. I was the one who had to go to her home and tell her that he had passed. It was very hard. I didn't realize the compassion that I have in me until I had to relay to someone I love that their loved one had passed.
I'm in a hard situation myself right now, and bless my friend, she's using her compassion on me.
So...it's true....what goes around comes around.
The people that don't want to change are still good people, so never give up on them.
I'm afraid I'm one of those, and it's going to take some time to try and change.
By the way.........all you BWS ladies out there have so much compassion, it just rolls off my monitor into my heart!!!!
Lynne

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#15416 - 12/12/05 01:14 AM Re: How to be compassionate
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
To me compassion means just being with someone who needs a shoulder, or company, or a kind word. The word means with passion and since passion makes me think of Jesus' suffering, I picture myself staying with Him till the end, like Mary and John did. They could not take away his suffering but they stayed with Him so He wouldn't be alone with it. So when someone is suffering, I can't always take the suffering away but I "stay" by their side through it. It's almost like you become one with them....

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