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#15417 - 12/12/05 04:22 AM Re: How to be compassionate
Daisygirl Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
I believe tha being compassionate does not mean being a doormat. If someone continues bad behavior which causes her pain, then my compassionate feelings don't last indefinitely.

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#15418 - 12/12/05 04:25 AM Re: How to be compassionate
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I think compassion is listening without interjecting or preaching. Just open your heart and ears.

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#15419 - 12/12/05 04:35 AM Re: How to be compassionate
Vi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/21/05
Posts: 252
All your entries are so meaningful.

Lynne, I do hope you are okay. Can I help in someway? I'm sending my love to you right now. It must have been hard to bring the awful news to your friend. Wrenching, trying to find the right words.

The most difficult time I ever had in sharing my compassion was when I was hurting from the news as well. It was directly after my brother committed his horrid crimes - murdering his neighbors - that I've talked about before on this site. My dad had called me while I was out. My husband told me the bad news. So he and I went to be with my parents. They were broken, and it broke my heart even further to know there was nothing I could do to take away their pain. They were such good people. So I was there. I listened, I prayed. But it was oh so hard.

How about other stories anyone would like to share, times when you helped someone or someone helped you, times that stayed with you. I'm sure we can all learn from your experiences. These days, with times being what they are, if we can pool our knowledge and wisdom, we will all be the better for it.

Vi

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#15420 - 12/12/05 06:01 AM Re: How to be compassionate
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
In my dictionary it says compassion means: Sympathy towards suffering. Pity.
I dare say there are a thousand ways in which a person can practice compassion around us. I offer mine withhout reservation by helping out at a shelter for abused women and children, a nursing home and especially at an animal shelter. I am sometimes awaken in the middle of the night to come help when a badly abused animal is saved and needs hanling and others are afraid of being bitten, I seem to have been blessed with a calming affect on them and can make them feel safe and secure. I would say Vi just do what makes your heart feel full and as Dotsie says what you would appreciate someone doing for you or yours....There are no actual guidelines.

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#15421 - 12/12/05 06:09 AM Re: How to be compassionate
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
I see compassion and pity as different. Pity seems like you are looking down on the person and when I am being compassionate, I'm holding the person up. It makes me feel like I'm lower than them. Like Jesus washing the disciples' feet.

Offering it without reservation is the way to go, Chatty. I admire how you have that rapport with animals. I guess I'm a little scared of them most of the time. Now babies seem to feel safe with me. We're all different, which is great.

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#15422 - 12/12/05 01:19 PM Re: How to be compassionate
Searcher Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/05
Posts: 645
Loc: boise
Wow!

No wonder I was drawn to this place. I don't know if I can add another word to these heart-felt and obviously thought about posts.....Vi, such a thinker you are!!!....A treasure for sure.

I will try tho', just so I can get my 2 cents in as usual - I think every one of you are right. Compassion - in my personal dictionary: the ability to take on another's misery in thought - to understand where their misery is born, and to be a place of comfort, without judgement. Just engaging with that individual is often enough - validation is a word that should be used more often. How often have we wished that someone would validate how we feel? To say that what we are feeling is legitimate, real, and true? That we are not , indeed, crazy, or "making up stuff", that we are not "hysterical", as history often portrays us women - What a person feels, be it man or woman, always needs that validation. "you are counted" is my explanation for compassion....Your opinions, your thoughts, your pain, your feelings about all things are counted and are noted as important in the Book of Time...............

Search

PS Just to say also that compassion does not in my interpretation, mean becoming that person - I believe that upholding your own personal values is the only way to helping anyone else- to give that person the strength to uphold their own values.............just to add the strength.

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#15423 - 12/12/05 07:04 PM Re: How to be compassionate
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
In my line of work, I have to mix compassion with truth...often difficult to do if a woman isn't ready for the truth. I also have to remove myself emotionally or I'd be a wreck!

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#15424 - 12/12/05 11:04 PM Re: How to be compassionate
Vi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/21/05
Posts: 252
Searcher, your words are so true.

Dianne, when I worked at Children's Services with abused kids and such, I took everyone of those little ones home with me at night - emotionally speaking. I got out of the business. How do you manage to remove yourself emotionally without having it effect the rest of your personal life? I just never managed to learn to do that.

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#15425 - 12/13/05 01:28 AM Re: How to be compassionate
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I always felt I couldn't be any good to them if I was emotionally involved. I had to be the outsider, looking in to give the correct response.

How I managed to do it was from not doing it in the beginning and it bothering me too much. I guess I learned the hard way.

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#15426 - 12/13/05 02:32 AM Re: How to be compassionate
NHJackie Offline
Member

Registered: 09/22/05
Posts: 868
Loc: Merrimack, NH
I think I know what both of you mean. Leaving the kids and their problems at school was one of the hardest things I learned to do. I don't know if I ever really did, even after over 30 years working in the schools.

A wise woman once told me, "We only have them 8 hours a day. We can't control what happens the rest of the time." She was right, of course, but that didn't keep my heart aching on numerous occassions.

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