I
accept the permission to feel as I feel ... do as I think I need to do.
I want to respond to each and every post, so bear with me... there is morsel after morsel of gold, piling up. I hope this is helping everyone else, just as it is helping me!!!
Mama red, {{{squishy hugs, back}}}
Is the word you are looking for
Acceptance?
~~~~AND~~~~
Nothing is in isolation.Mankind lives side by side by the elements. In cruel winter when the days are short we long for summer. But if we dwelled in the dark of a snowbound winter say without heat and never moved from that discomfort even when the sun is here then life would be bleak. In summer we know winter will come by should be worry about it we would miss the joy.
When the land is apparently dead underneath lies the miricle od new growth. People get stuck sometimes for years.Its up to those who know this to give aid.Just by being there and saying "I know and I care"
MA, acceptance in contrast to rejection - very good word choice, indeed!
As for your season analogy, I read into it something else, something so meaningful...
People do get stuck for years in 'winter = mentally bleak times' (which isn't a bad thing, if it doesn't draw out too long), but by virtue of the 'heat = those who know that people can get stuck sometimes for years and say, "I know and I care,"' given those in 'winter,' they can be carried to a warm and safe place until summer comes again for them. May have to read that twice over... but, simply put, someone in bleak times, can be warmed by another, who understands, saying, "I know and I care." You gals are HOT!
EH, I'll meet you at the finish line ... with winners, all!!! You have made good points, again, and as usual. It's like you are speaking for me. (((hug, hug, hug)))
jabber, the word that rings out in your post is "COMPLICATED"... how applicable. And the more people involved, the more complicated things can get. I got blind sided by the dissension that developed in my family. There's no doubt in my mind that so many others experience similar scenarios... the particulars of your situation were probably dissimilar in root, but like in emotional nature and impact... and I'm sorry you had to grow through yours. I have to say it's comforting to hear words from those who have also felt the need to withdraw for self-preservation. For a long time now, I've looked upon my withdrawal as pitiful... even childish.
JJ, I've grabbed on so tight, your circulation will probably be cut off soon... I it's gonna take King Kong to pry my fingers loose... thanks!
Lynn, as hard as it is to realize that I may not find peace with my parents, at least I can find peace with how things are concerning me and my parents. I'd love to have the former, but if it's not to be, it's not to be. (Thanks so much for your input about this.)
Placing myself in a dying person's place, I see how reconciling differences wouldn't be a priority. I shouldn't expect a lifetime of pushing the matter down to dissolve because one of us will die soon. That's unrealistic.
I had hoped... notice the past tense. I will now focus my energy elsewhere in regards to my dad - I will transfer hoping to his passing being easy. As for Mother, I have repeatedly been compelled to visit her again. I tried a month ago, but it was disastrous, not because of her... she cried nonstop for seeing me... it was because there was a crowd. But, because of something she said to me, while the crowd was present, and how it hurt, I know I'm not ready. That night, I started walking home from the hospital, too hurt to ride back with the people who took me. That night gave me a gift, though. I knew when I started toward the freeway that I did not want to die now - my thoughts of the big "S" were miraculously assuaged.
dotsie, thanks for reminding me.... and to mention, I see God is in each of you sweet ladies(((hugs)))
greene, I was told by a therapist to "feel it" in so many words. I did as I was told - let the feelings come, got in touch with them (as they say), processed them mentally, bagged them (an exercise that I was given), and then put the bags away. For a short while, it worked for me, and every so often, I still use the trick... but, it doesn't resolve any issues. I think the mental exercise of going through the steps simply takes your mind off the issue (which is there to come back with short notice, or none at all). This is hard to admit, but I have found that over the past two weeks - two weeks of minimal outside contact - I have started feeling more like my pre-2003 self. After a phone call, or an email, or a happenstance family encounter, I fight to get back to the described state that comes with being temporarily reclusive. greene, thanks! the more you post, the more I like you. You fit right in with all these other exceptionally bright women.
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