Princess Lenora

Thank you...it was one of those "darkest hours", especially when he quoted Bible verses at me for his "justification". I also know it led me on a very different journey than the one I had imagined and, although it was painful and has left a lasting rift between us (which is tough for a Daddy's Girl!), I know I learned a lot.

Gims, how is your dad today? What is happening? Please know I'm available to support your journey. In the meantime, sending love and light to you.

Mama, and is that journey more to your satisfaction?

gims, waiting on an update when you have time.

I recall listening to the hospice nurses who shared when Mom was going to die. They were wrong. She had a will to live and she outlived what all the hospice nurses predicted. They were amazed at how long she hung in there with such teeny space in her one lung for breathing.

gims, the will has a lot to do with it. Keep hanign in there, knowing we're supporting you all the way.

Lynn, you took it correctly. We will be on the top looking down, while the next generation talks about our hearts, lungs, hips, attitudes, strokes....

Thanks Mama Red - I can so hear ya... while not the same (I never was anyone's girl), our treatment was similar. Anxious to hear the answer to dots' question... a good one.

Dots, you're right about 'will' being an important aspect.

My husband stopped to see Daddy last night on the way home from north Texas. Three sisters, a nephew and my mom were already there. He said Daddy was in good, even jovial, spirit... and looks better than he has in a long time.
I also spoke to my sister (the nurse) and she said she thinks he might last longer than all thought - same as your mom did dots.
God is in the driver's seat, so if there's something else my dad is suppose to do before he leaves us, I'm sure he WILL be around long to get that done. I say this because HE is the very one who could glue this family back together!
The man apparently has nine-lives, as my uncle teased, after which he asked if he hasn't just used up his last one.

Gims, I think that the will has a lot to do with the work. My 103 year old grandmother was close to death 5 years ago. My brother and I were estranged. It took a mix of my cancer and grandma's failed health at the time to bring my brother and I back together ( a whole lot of other emotional work went into it too.) Grandma said it had been one of her last wishes that my brother and I come together again. She lived to see that occur. Now she is hanging on. I do wonder sometimes if we come to earth pre-destined to certain people and experiences. Have you any hopes and wishes in regards to your family? Oh, you don't have to say, I just wonder yes or no if you don't want to share. I think sometimes a dying person just does not want to leave the loved ones and sometimes there is actual work to be done.

Oh Anne, what a story. I'm sorry to hear about his drinking more than ever. I wonder how many addicitons block us from living our authentic lives? Seems like nothing short of divine intervention will help. Have any of you as caregivers, hospice, heard of "the final rally?" I'm not sure of the actual meaning, but it sounds like what your 80 year old client is going through.

Yes, this journey is more to my satisfaction...for sure! And I can tell you there was a time when I never thought I would stand up straight again, or be able to face the world or the pain that came from my dad's shunning. I turned completely away from any form of religion...thus perpetuating one of the things I don't like...people lumping people together according to one category or another (whether gender, or religion, or color, or whatever) and then assuming they know that person. One of the biggest gifts of his shunning is me finding a form of spirituality that works for me, even tho' there are days I forgot and assign categories too!

anne327, your story is a sad one.

Did you see the special on the centenarians not too long ago? Some smoked and drank throughout their lives, but yet all are living well past 100... the scientists who did a study on them (all from the same country/region) found they had a gene in common. It was a very interesting show. Sad for the rest of us who'd not only like to live that long, but live an active life while doing it, too.

I think it goes beyond the addictions, Lynn, and is founded in the 'us.' Addictions are but a reaction to the 'usness.' We blanket ourselves in addictions as protection against and crutches for what we can't handle.
I've not heard of the 'final rally,' per se, but the book dotsie recommended I read mentioned something like that. I don't remember it being precisely called the final rally, though. I relate it to being near a delivery time... an extra whammy of gusto right before it's time... I moved a piano, along with an entire living room full of furniture a day before I gave birth to my first. The piano was the old fashion kind, so heavy it took four men to get it into our house. I had enough strength and gusto that day to move it a good 6-8 feet, plus giving it a new direction, all by myself. It was an energy and a desire to do something just like that which drove me to do it... I didn't necessarily get up thinking, "I sure do need to change this room around." I think the 'final rally' (which is a good name for it) has to be something similar. Funny that it would be a contrast of a birth vs. a death.

mama red, we could have a looooonnnnngggggg confab!!! your situation is much, much, much like mine. Since this thread and the caring support of these wonderful women, I have LET IT GO. If any of my family needs or wants me, they can get in touch with me... I'm off the clock, so to speak - and to me, IT'S an AMAZING, revitalizing feeling!!!

Yes, that's true, addictions may be a symptom of an earlier pain. Gims, I cannot believe you moved a piano! And it is quite the contrast birth, death.

Hi gims

Funny, I've been thinking the same thing! I do have contact with my dad...and it has never been the same ... I don't know if my stubbornness (for which I'm famous among family and friends!) is coming out or I'm simply done. I do keep in touch with him and, although this might sound cruel, I don't have a great deal of energy to put toward him. The sad part is I truly was a Daddy's Girl...adored him, believed in him, defended him...until he started cheating on my mom and I was the one who caught him doing so. Years later, when he chose to use a Biblical approach to shunning, I quite bluntly called him on his s***! It was one of the most freeing things I ever did!

I love learning more about folks and connecting with folks on the forum. This is sooooooooooo kewl! One of the things that helped me with my "Dad issue" and "male issues" in general was a transformational leadership course I did about 3 years ago. That and a bunch of study and learning and forgiving and learning and forgiving and learning!

I'm so glad to hear that you've taken yourself off the clock....way to go girl! Way to go!!!!!!!! You deserve the best life has to offer and I'm sure that you, like all of us, have gotten many gifts from your experiences even if they sure as heck didn't seem like them at the time! I believe that one of the reasons I've chosen rewriting stories as my speaking/coaching topic is that I've seen how many ways we can interpret them and re-interpret them and how often people are unable to find the positive in the story. Believe me, I'm waaaaaaaaaaaay good at that and I've changed my habits a LOT over the years.

Welcome to the other side!!!!!!!!!!!!!