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#169265 - 12/29/08 01:29 AM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: chatty lady]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Anne, sorry to hear something's happened that caused you to throw in the towel.

What do you enjoy doing? Is it possible you could join a group of others who have the same interests, then maybe meet soemone new and interesting?
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
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#169268 - 12/29/08 01:34 AM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Dotsie]
Happy Birthday Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Ouch, Anne, it sounds like you've been hurt or betrayed in some way. Invading privacy, hmm, that is betrayal. I'm sorry to hear this.

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#169367 - 12/29/08 09:09 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Princess Lenora]
Happy Birthday Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Chatty, I thought about your posts while I was walking today. Specifically, about the age differences in dating/marriage. I am sorry that you have endured multiple losses. It seems, though, that you also celebrate the good years. The movie "Benjamin Button" causes the viewer to think about age differences in relationships. There are soul mates on every age level, some younger, some older, some fated to be together for a life-time, some passing through to make a difference to each other in a moment in time. And, soul mate does not necessarily mean "lovers" in our romantic sense of the word. While it's true that I married an older man (chronologically speaking, otherwise he had the intelligence of a gnat, and so did I at the time) I don't think every age difference relationship is about neurotic needs. Just a note...

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#169483 - 12/31/08 12:29 AM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: ]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Sometimes Anne and everyone, being the nice girl, giving of yourself anf trying not to be hateful comes back and bites us right in the behind.

I have painted myself into one hell of a mess regarding my ex. Trying to be kind and Christian, I allowed him back into my home for a time, when he was ill. Since then he has lost yet another good job and is not only under foot constantly but he is doing it on my dime. He is on a meager unemployment for now and able to contribute, but I am in fear of when that isn't viable anymore and he has nothing to contribute.

I am on my last nerve. I have never been so mad at myself for being stupid. I feel like I adopted, instead of married this loser...I confess at being one of those foolish women who didn't learn from my previous experience.
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#169489 - 12/31/08 01:01 AM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: chatty lady]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Chatty: Do you think he will leave if you ask him if time arises that he can no longer contribute to the household financially?
_________________________
http://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/ (How cycling leads to other types of adventures, thoughts)
http://velourbansism.wordpress.com


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#169608 - 12/31/08 11:33 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: ]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Anne thats the truth! Orchid, it is a discussion I am blue in the face having with him, and his answer is always the same: "But where can I go with no money and without a job who would rent me a place anyway?" I'm praying he finds work before his unemployment runs out.

I have to admit he is correct in his assumption that no one will rent to him without a job even if he had money. He has no family left, all dead. He apparently has no friends either.

I stupidly, insanely, did a good deed taking him in when he needed help so badly and unfortunately now I seem to be stuck with him here.

It does not make for a comfortable or nonstressful situation. I am on edge every second he is around.

I could use some prayers ladies that this loser finds a job, and soon. Geesh!!!
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#169623 - 12/31/08 11:58 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: chatty lady]
Mama Red Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 676
Loc: Wauconda, IL
OK, so maybe this sounds cold...and since when did his inability become your problem Ms Amazing Chatty?

I don't mean to sound hateful or cold AND he is not your responsibility. HE is his responsibility.

I am all for caring and generosity AND I believe there is a balance that must be struck between tearing oneself to shreds for the sake of another and insisting on the other person standing responsible for themselves.

If he were your partner, husband, child or some other such relationship...or even a friend whom you chose to help...I would think differently.
_________________________
Love and light, hugs and blessings

MamaRed (Jerilynne)
www.mamaredspeaks.com
www.onemillionacts.com
Coming Summer 2009 "Kick-Butt Kindness: 52 No Cost Ways to Ripple Kindness 'Round the World"

Let's create Kick-Butt-and-Take-Names Lives!

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#169762 - 01/02/09 06:51 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Mama Red]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
Chatty...I know you have a big heart...we've all been the recipient of it and are so lucky to have you in our lives...and I hope that you know we love you, too, and in doing so I feel the need now to hyperally kick your bootie!!!

Have you lost your mind? This man knew he could play you and knew how from years of being married to you. He knew you'd cave in and you did. I'd be willing to bet that you put up with his unreasonable behavior and excuses for a very long time before you got the courage to change things. So, why, now...would you want to go back to that? Chatty...read what I'm about to type several times...

NO ONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION
NO ONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION
NO ONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION
(REPEAT IT OVER UNTIL THIS SINKS IN).

Now, go bang your head against the wall until the crap that this man continues to feed you falls out.

When you come to your senses...throw his stuff out on the curb, close the door and don't look back.

YOU are not his problem.
YOU did not cause this.
YOU did not deserve this.
YOU are not responsible for 'raising' your ex.
YOU hopefully will stop being an enabler for this man to continue using you as a crutch for his doing nothing.

Okay...I'm pretty certain you're not going to speak to me for quite some time (if ever) but geez lueez, woman!!!! Wake up!!! I care so much about you and have read how you've come through so much in your life...to hear now that you're jumpy every second in YOUR OWN HOME...what's wrong with this picture? Your EX is there....that's what's wrong. Boot his butt out and let him figure it out...that's what being an adult means. What...he expect you to come up with all the answers? You're not his mama...you're not even his wife...you're CHATTY!!! A woman with a backbone, not a doormat...don't be this man's doorman again...he knew you would be and expected it and yep...there you are...Chatty Chatty CHATTY!!!!

Now...IF you're not too mad at me, then close your eyes...put your arms around yourself, hug really hard and know that's from me...someone who cares a lot about you and who doesn't want to see you do this to yourself. Again...no one can take advantage of you without your permission...stop giving him permission and he'll go away and find someone else to feel guilty about his situation.
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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#169768 - 01/02/09 07:49 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Dee]
Mama Red Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 676
Loc: Wauconda, IL
Go Dee...you wrote what I was too chicken to write!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chatty...know we're doing this because we da*** well don't like seeing you taken advantage of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_________________________
Love and light, hugs and blessings

MamaRed (Jerilynne)
www.mamaredspeaks.com
www.onemillionacts.com
Coming Summer 2009 "Kick-Butt Kindness: 52 No Cost Ways to Ripple Kindness 'Round the World"

Let's create Kick-Butt-and-Take-Names Lives!

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#169772 - 01/02/09 08:46 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Mama Red]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
Mama Red...chatty knows I love her...and that I speak from my heart...and size 7 1/2 foot. I would expect her to do the same for me, too.
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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