Hi Saundra nice to see you here. Ouch on that surgery. Do you need to have any more?

The way you feel Di is all the more reason to do Christmas and a tree. People die and you will always caress them with your heart. BUT you also need to go on living and make these years the best they can be for you and the ones left behind. God has been so good to you, your new family members, the love of two sweet grandbabies, many new friends, and the love of that great guy of yours.

Yes sadly people we love die, we miss them, but they would be the first ones to say to you ifr they could, you need to tuck away those morbid feelings and replace them with good memories that you can bring out in private, and in the meantime LIVE, enjoy your blessings.

Put up a tree for the ones you loved that went away and are watching over you from above, and know each twinkling light is a kiss from one of them...Merry Christmas my friend.

Di, there was no way that we could face Christmas last year. It would have been my first ever without Gary (my brother) and my first without ANY of my family. Even my step-daughter didn't want to stay home. So we took a Christmas cruise through the Panama Canal and it was the perfect answer for us. Lots of beautiful places to explore, great food (and no dishes or clean up) fun activities to keep our minds off the ache in our hearts, wonderful people (many of them there for the same sort of reasons) - Christmas Day ended up being very gentle, quiet and healing for all of us. It was well worth the expense! And if you've never seen the Panama Canal, it's an awesome cruise.

I had begun dreading this Christmas as early as August, and we were all sorry we didn't book a trip for this year as well. But I decided that since we WERE going to be home, and that this will be our first Christmas in our new reality, we decided to change everything around to be the kind of Christmas WE want, one that suits OUR needs and wants. In past years, the gifts have been the focus, and because that was the tradition for my family growing up and they were all here every year, it was too hard to change. But now we've completely changed the focus from the gifts to the nativity story. We've cut down on the gifts, and tried as much as possible to give charitable gifts (eg, a goat for a poor family in Africa, hens & rooster for another family in Kenya, stuff like that).

It's still very painful, and you can't expect that pain to just magically disappear, in fact, watching everyone be "merry and bright" can accentuate the "agony of absence". Is there any way you can take off and go somewhere for a few days? Last year, or two years ago, we had a "Blue Christmas Support Group" here at BWS, especially for people who had suffered loss during the past year and for whom Christmas was going to be extra difficult. Maybe we should think of starting another support group like that this year.

Hi Chick. I hope to never have another surgery, but as my mother always said, "You never know." If I do, I hope to have someone to drive me home. I got home safely and am grateful for that.

I had a soft food and film festival (movies) for Thanksgiving.

Hello Saundra, that is quite a big operation! Glad you are recovering well, and able to bite into scrumptious turkey.

OOOOOO Saundra..that must have been quite tough!!!!

Dropping that bird in your lap, sure was a bit of big luck!!!! Or as you say..the Universe working for you!!!!

I sympathize..as you know..with the pains of post surgery..OOOOOOO

Bless your heart Saundra, glad you were able to celebrate somewhat on Thanksgiving. It can only go uphill from here girl!

Saundra, sorry to hear about your surgery, but isn't it odd that you had that type of surgery for which you've already written a book? How did that come about?

Di, it's no fun being stuck with sadness during this season. Please know your BWS friends are lifting you up and praying you will find ways to see a piece of joy in every day between now and then. The first year after Mom died, I got a littel anxious before every hoiday and her birthday. I realized that if you plan for the day, and keep yourself busy, the anticipation was worse. How will you spend the day?

Eagle, great idea to change your focus and make it the Christmas of YOUR dreams. I wonder what I'd do Christmas if ther were no expectations...probably be lying on a beach somewhere.

I have always been glad to be a glass is HALF FULL person rather than a glass is HALF EMPTY person. I can't imagine living life that way. I can't imagine living through the death of one husband let alone two of them as I have.

I guess my grandmother was right when she emphasized to me at a very early age, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger... So if I seem blazae to some of you, I am not! I simply refuse to let anything kill me, in mind or in body.

Thank you my dear friends.

I guess I'm not really looking for a "solution" per se, I'm just needing to voice my sadness.

Mom and Dad, in our eyes, created such a "perfect" environment, that my hope and dream was to be able to re-create it in my own life. With a husband who is not really "into" Christmas, with family so far, with no children of my own,I never got to "do" what my siblings have been doing for years. Replicate the Christmas' of how we grew up. Granted, they've changed a few things, but we all still have that "Christmas past" in us.

Sadness is so prevailant this time of year for me. DH and I have not done anything for Christmas since we've been married. Just sit and mope and watch the clock so we can get on with life on Dec. 26. It's usually a HUGE sigh of relief...we always say "We got through another lonely Christmas.

I would "get away", too, if we could.