You are right, Jabber. I am definitely an amateur with forums but I did manage to try clicking on the envelope myself and found the shortcut. Thanks, though.

I have to agree with you about the couples living separate lives, together. Honestly, though, don't you think it's a sad state of affairs if marriage gets to that stage? What would be the point of getting married?

Anyway, I've come back from my appointment with the lawyer and it was very beneficial. I'd forgotten to mention that I've been to see her for advice before my first separation and she not only remembered me, but a lot of the details of my situation. What a memory! She's wants me to go away and consider how I really feel. If there is any chance of a reconciliation, then she recommends a separation. However, if I truly believe it is broken down, then she suggests going straight for divorce. I will be better off in the long run. She feels that if I go the legal separation route,if divorce is eventually imminent, he might not agree with any changes to the settlement. I will really have to dig deep into my heart for my answer. I came out feeling confident, though, which is a good thing.

Parallel, to that, my daughter stopped by today. She and I, along with my son, had a serious conversation about my plans. They are still supportive of me and that definitely makes me feel good.

Glad to hear you went though with the meeting. Even better is the fact that you feel confident.


When you say she want you to go away, do you mean to get away on your own for a few days and do some soul searching? IF so, take a journal!

I know you're scared, but can you put your finger on what you're afraid of?

Do you get at all excited about the thought of breaking free? If so, that might tell you something.

Expat,
Yes. I guess marriage is a sad state sometimes. Glad the meeting went well. And very happy that your children are supportive of you. That is huge, in my book. I wish you well, whatever you
decide to do.

I'm sure that is a HUGE relief that your children are behind you. As a child myself, I care about what my parent's mental state is. But I also know it's their own decision in the end. Once you have the emotional support, along with the love from family friends, it truly is so helpful. Having sorta been there/done that, I remember all too well the feeling of "what might others think of me". When it's all said and done, you'll know how your true friends/family are!

Sounds like things are working themselves out the way it should be. Good news!

Expat,
The Italians have some funny thoughts about marriage. For example, they say "You can't go back," meaning you can't get the feelings back, the passion back, towards something that has cooled.
They say "Marriages are made and broken in bed," meaning that is there is no passion, if there is no tenderness between two people, it's usually over.

You mentioned that you don't feel anything toward him so that brought to mind my Italian teachings! LOL. They turn out to be true so often!

They also say, in matters of love, "Follow your heart," so if your heart is not in it, in anything, for that matter, to them it's a waste of time.

I live this way. If I don't feel passion for something, I can't do it. If the passion is gone for me, it does not come back. Maybe bits and pieces now and again, but nothing lasting.

As I said in my post, all attorneys here in the US are told to first tell the people to try to fix their marriage or to ask if the marriage can be fixed. After this, they go ahead and represent you. So ~ Your lawyer is asking you if this marriage is completely broken.

Good luck and much support whatever you decide,

Dancer9

Expat, some churches have divorce care seminars. Mayhap you could attend or speak with one of their counselors as you take time to decide. There maybe women of like mind with past similar experiences to share your thoughts and emotions. Also, from my past experience, I relished the quite time sitting in a chapel 'listening' for answers. Peace and quite in nature allows for us to listen to our innerself, too.

Excellent advice, here. And MustangGal...that is a VERY good tip.

Expat.....call any church in your area. Does not need to be the one you attend. In fact, it should not be!!

Dancer, I agree about the passion,..but some marriages get comfortable too, without passion; still the love has remained.

I recognized myself in your description. Sometimes I feel like I'm acting when we cuddle or hold hands. My heart isn't in it either. I do it, though,- to please my husband. I do it because I think that's the way it should be. But my heart isn't in it. So Expat, I just want to agree with Dancer; once the love is gone, it is very hard to rekindle it. I've been trying, and it is very hard. I have turned into a cold person, at least towards my husband. And that isn't me. I loved being in love. I loved feeling passionate...but something has turned dead. So if you can feel passionate about going on your own, - at least that is a form of feeling alive.

Good Morning,

I'm afraid I don't have time to respond at the minute, as I'm getting ready to go to work, so I'll be back later.

I do however, want to thank everyone who has given me their thoughts. I will be honest and say I felt my confidence returning the minute I started chatting with all of you.

Bye for now.