Hi Di,

Yes, that's true. I'm back again because I always think of more things after I post something! Maybe this is a better way of describing it, Jabber...as if I was a hired hand. He just worked all the time and didn't want anything to do with us. It was as if we were intruding on his life. He was more interested in saving money than spending time with his family. Sad, but true. Now he wants us to forget that part of it and carry on as if nothing was wrong. Like your husband, a product of his upbringing, but that could only be used as an excuse for his actions.

That is exactly how I felt, Mustang! Trapped, like a caged animal and one shouldn't feel that way within a marriage. So, you are much happier now?

I will be leaving soon to go to Mother in law's for dinner, but I'll be back tomorrow.

Expat........people have a CHOICE to BE a product of their upbringing or not. NO ONE, especially a husband, should RULE. It should all be out of "love" not demand and dictatorship.

I have a friend whose mother (at age 15) gave her up when she was very small, to her birth father. Not until my friend was 16 did she go back to her mother. Her mother, now, is very cold and has lots if "issues"...very atheistic, pouts, has no motherly instinct (my friend is 62!) and even passes this onto her dogs.....she actually "does not talk to her dogs" and closes them into a bedroom to punish them. The reason I say this is that my friend's conclusion is this: Because her mother never raised kids AND was selfish to begin with, her "nurture" never got developed, per her own choice. Therefore; a cold, unfeeling human being is walking around with not "spirit of God' in her.

This made me think of your situation. He never got "into" raising kids.......so he never learned how to care, sacrifice, love etc. TOO LATE NOW!!! YOU, Expat, deserve much, much better.....you deserve to be loved and acknowledged for what you are very capable, and willing, to give back to someone who appreciates you. We shall reap what we sow.

God wants his children to BE loved, as He first loved us. He sacrificed His own Son to die on a cross. THAT is love!!

Sadly, the love is gone in mine, but I agree with you 100%. It also goes along with Dotsie's quote in her recent newsletter.


May we love others so that every ounce of their potential oozes from them. And equally important, may we recognize the people in our lives who are helping us reach our potential, our reality. And lastly, if we aren't feeling loved, may we seek to find people at midlife who are willing to build us up as we do the same for them.

Gotta go.

Expat, there are no time limitations on readiness. It happens when it happens, and when it does you will know and act accordingly. In the meantime get things ready both mentally and financially for your exit.

Expat,
I just want you to be happy; do what makes you happy. This is
my 2nd marriage. And I'm content and happy. But you need to do
what makes you happy. If the guy has stuff you cannot overlook,
than only you know that. Do what's right for you. I don't want
to sound preachy or know-it-all, because I don't. I overlook
a lot of stuff that some women would not. My 1st hubby ran around with women and hungout all night. This guy is a stay at home sort. I like that. He overlooks my shortcomings too. You do what will make your life whatever you desire it to be. Lately, I was told, and it warmed my heart, go in grace. I think grace means the favor of God.
Prayers and blessings...

Expat, I'm glad to hear that spoke to you. Those were my thoughts after reading that quote. And that to me is what our midlives have to be about. And it doesn't always have to be a man that loves us into your potential. Sometimes it's a sister or girlfriend. But it shouldn't be our husband who is tearing us down. That's just not right.

Husbands are suppose to lift us up and encourage us and be our
buttress and support. They're somewhere to run to for courage and safe harbor. The rest of the world does enough tearing
down, nobody needs that at the homefront, too. Good luck in
whatever you do, Expat! We'll be praying for you!

Jabber, well said!