Do any of you widows here whether long term or short term find themselves carrying on conversations with their dearly departed?
I rarely speak to my first husband, we were young and only together 5 years. But to my second husband who I spent a wonderful 14 years with, nearly attached at the hip, LOL, I speak to him all the time carrying on whole conversations. He has been gone a long time and yet I still continue doing this. Even I think I'm nutty at times but it makes me feel much better and helps me (not sure how) come to the right answers.

Last night we watched our fsvorite movie and talked about favorite parts. I felt like he was right there with me. Am I nuts? Or do you do this too? I think I may be alone too much...but he is even with me in a crowded room filled with friends. You know whats really weird, its when I told him about meeting and marrying #3, I could feel him saying NO, NO, NO! I should have listened, he was right...

Nuts? No unless we all are. Chatty I am alone enough to start talking to myself or someone else and if it wasn't just yesterday that I thought about posting and asking the same question. I say out loud what I coulda shoulda woulda said or done.
Naw you're not crazy. My pup enjoys listening to me as I bet Rosie and Rita enjoy you.
Besides...you are "Chatty" aren't you? And I am a Chickadee...I'm tupposed to sing like a canary...

And I speak to my Mom all the time.

You are a doll Chickadee and yes, Reeta and Rosee do seem to enjoy listening to my chatter. I wish you could hear how they talk back to me, no one can believe it until they hear it for themselves. The strange thing is we seem understand one another.

I have to return Sonny and Cher the purebred Pomeranian pups to their owner tomorrow, and have been kind of bummed out about it and of course mumbling away and my two seem to know whats happening and haven't left the pups alone for a minute since I spoke to the woman owner on the phone. Like they are guarding them, its amazing.

I believe in spiritual conversations. I guess it's the same thing that you mean.

I have amazing conversations with Gary, even better than the ones we used to have when he was alive. Deep, funny, surprising, wise, intriguing and delightful. I've learned so much about life and living during these conversations over the past two years...maybe I'm nuts too, but he's taught me more about living since he died than I was ever able to grasp in my entire life. I believe there's a wealth of deep wisdom there that we can tap into, if we have the ears of faith to hear.

I know exactly what you mean Eagle, as my husband Chet of fourteen years has done the same for me for so many years now.

I also would like to wish to you for your darling brother a loving thought on what would have been his special day today.

Sometimes when I pray, I ask The Holy Spirit to tell my adoptive
parents and grandparents that I love them. I really believe in
a spiritual connection with those who've gone on before. Don't you wonder how many folks' feel that way. I'll bet it's a high
number.

I like to think it's my dad (who passed last Oct.) to whom I'm addressing myself, and from whom I seem to get 'vibes.' I believe he's helping me through the hurts. I mostly end up in tears, asking him to forgive me. I miss him so much, and my mom, too... and that's not having been a very important fixture in their lives. I have a hard time imagining how hard it is for you who were favored by your deceased parent(s). The pain of losing them must be astronomical.
We are blessed by being able to communicate, real or imagined, with loved ones who have passed.

Gims! I must apologise for not having offered my condolences in time. I did not know that your Dad had passed away a few months ago.

Gims, feeling guilt towards your father is most likely not necessary. Parents always understand and fogive. If the love is there, then the other stuff is no big deal. I can’t believe what my sons have said to me, which I have forgiven with a wave of a hand. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I speak to my father too. There were times in my life, when all was well, and I didn’t need to communicate . I usually turn to him for advice, or try to imagine his voice telling me what to do, when I’m at a crossroad. He was so very wise, and his fatherly wisdom is the most precious gift he has given me; … It will carry me along for the rest of my life.


There must be something, - really truly another dimension out there. Otherwise how could we all feel fulfilled when we communicate with our loved ones? It shows that everything does flow together. There is no beginning no end…it’s all a circle. I find comfort in believing that.

Gims, I too, offer my late, but sincere condolences.

I imagine those who love us most, truly love us, will always forgive us with a wave of the hand, as Edelweiss says. It's ourselves that we must learn to forgive.

I think, Chatty, that what you are saying is very sane. I like Eagle said her conversations are deeper than ever. I believe that when we talk in person, many of us talk between the lines. Maybe only after one person is gone, can we talk to each other completely directly.

Gims, I suffered from a terrible guilt after my Mom died. Oh, all it would take was a glance at her picture on the wall and I would feel this terrible wave of anguish and guilt wash through me. It was crippling and constant. I knew I couldn't go on feeling that way, but didn't know how to fix myself.

One day, sitting in the bathroom, I just started sobbing and decided to talk with my Mom. I blurted out all of my guilt and shame over being such a terrible daughter, for not being there for her when she went through her cancer (I was living and working on the other side of the country at the time)...it all came spilling out. Then I said, "Mom, there's nothing I can do, I can't rewrite history, I can't go back and make other choices, it's all said and done. What can I do?" The answer was so clear and sweet, "Sweetie, you don't need my forgiveness, you've always had it. I have loved you and I will always love you, more than you can ever imagine. Now you have to find a way to forgive yourself. You're the only one left who still doesn't forgive and love YOU."

Those were such freeing words. I felt her love, I felt her genuine care, and felt the mercy of God Himself washing through me through her words. It took me awhile, and there are still moments when I cringe at memories of how I let her down, but I know without a doubt now that she loves and has long ago forgiven me. And don't forget, Gims, that where they are now, they know everything, including the "why" and the wounds behind our actions and choices. They also know, I believe, that everything DOES work out for good, and that there is always a golden nugget of learning and wisdom in every choice, every so-called mistake, every step we take. It's all leading us somewhere better and good. That's my hope anyway. It's helped me move out of my own hell and into living life much more abundantly than before.

Lola, months after or not, I still appreciate your kind words.

Thanks, EW and Eagle... if I felt comfortable enough to tell the dirty, I think you'd understand. I don't feel guilty for anything I've done. Instead, I feel sad and sorry for the way things ended. But, I do so love that you took the time to send words that encourage.

Anno, thanks to you, too? So, how are YOU doing?

gims, after Mom died, I felt guilty for the way I raised my voice at her one day when it was my turn to sit with her. She was very sick at the time and had an attitude which she took out on me because she could always be herself around me. I was in a mood and told her I didn't appreicate her taking it out on me. I also said that I knew she wouldn't talk to one of my sibs like she was talking to me, blah, blah, blah. (Looking back, that's what made our relatinship special.) Anyway, we shared many loving conversations after that, but I felt funny because I never raised my voice at Mom as an adult - though I certainly did as a teen. It haunted me.

After her death, I would visit the cemetery and journal. One day I journaled about that day and asked for her forgiveness, and she in turn asked for mine. I came to a place of peace knowing that we were both totally stressed at the time; Mom was dying, everyone was bending over backwards to do all we could, we were tired, spread too thin, and unsure of her future.

Hoping my story will shed some peace for your soul..

It poked me, Dots. I just have to buck up and start visiting my mom, again. She's at home now... staying with the sister and brother who lived in my parents' home while Daddy was living out his last days. The reason I stopped visiting her (when she was still in the nursing facility) was because of her taking out on me something I didn't cause or deserve getting the lashing for. But, considering she might have been more comfortable lashing out at me, instead of one of the others, makes me consider it differently.

When I don't want to deal with something immediately, I throw it in this big box I keep available. I was sorting the stuff in the box out this past weekend - I haven't culled it for over a year - and came across a note my mom wrote me years ago, attached to an article she had clipped. It was one of the only notes I ever received from her saying something nice to me... usually her notes and letters were scriptures and PTLs, very little on a mom to daughter or personal level. For someone who has felt so unloved for a lifetime, I was taken by surprise... I guess because the note included a compliment, a rare thing from her to me.
I've got to buck up and go give her a hug.

I got a call last night from the care givre/secretary of the 93 year old woman from Alaska who's life story I ghostwrote recently. After the book was finished, all we needed to do was enter the pictures and put captions on them, Ruth the old womansaid, she decided not to publish the book because it told too much of her life. Rather than argue I walked away feeling I had done and was paid for my part. That was in December. The book was put aside...

The old womans grandson came up to Nevada, (her winter home)he is CEO of all her companies. He sat and read the book. He got up and handed it to her secretary and said, call Charleen, I want this book sent to a publisher. It is amazingly accurate and grandma's story should be told. So now I have to draw up a new contract, finish the job of the pictures, which I am NOT looking forward to and then get it to a publisher. No one is even telling her anything as she has been behaving in an eratic fashion of late, and not in a ice way either. I think Dementa is setting in big time. I am hoping she will be able to see the finished product and understand its meaning to the people who know her.

gims & Dots,
I have guilt over not being as good of a daughter as I think
I should've been to my adoptive parents. And I wasted most of
my life feeling unloved because I was abandoned by my bio mom.
But even after reuniting with bio mom, it didn't help. Except
I saw more clearly how wonderful my adoptive folks and had been
my entire life. And I never really got to show my gratitude.
I also believe there are lots of kids who feel guilty about what they
should or should've done for or to or with their mom and dad
when their parents were alive. Human nature is a weird thing.
And the most important issues of life, seem backwards.

Chats, I wish you good luck with finishing the pictures, etc.
on that elderly lady's book you've ghost written.

Do you have to put captions under the pictures, Chatty?

This would call for big party time if the book gets published.

Edelweiss, I had separated each bunch of pictures according to chapters and hand written the captions which were attached on a small post it note to each picture. Its is just a matter now of inserting the picture, adding the caption beneath each one, and then adding the 'Picture Gallery's' behind each chapter.
Then it all has to be put onto a disk with the book chapters.
It's not hard, I did the hard part, it is just tedious.

I already have several publishers wanting to see more of the book so, fingers crossed, it will be published and out soon after I finish the job.

How true, jabber. Sorry you had to live through what you did. All the books tell us it makes us stronger, builds character. Stronger than and for what?, I ask.

Gims where's your avatar?

Speaking of avatars chickadee, i just love your new one. The sexy blue eye with heart and tear. Conjures up all sorts of thoughts.

AHA. Didn't notice the heart in chick's avatar till just now.
Cool. But why the eye? And where's the chick?

Jabber, I truly believe a persons heart, or lack of one, shows in a persons eyes.

Reason for my Avatar is I am unhappy with my results. I have been playing freeroll(free to play)poker tournaments for a chance at a seat at the world Series of Poker this year. The seat costs 10,000 dollars. You have to win 3 tournaments in a row to qualify.
I played the first tournament of 450 people and came first place.
This enabled me to play round two of 356 people. Two people will qualify for round three. Well I came 7th. I was 5 away from the chance to get a seat at the WSOP.
I am hopping mad because I made one tiny mistake and missed a great opportunity but even sadder that I have to start back at square one.
I was feeling pretty down and found the avatar with the heart(representing cards) and the tear (representing my sadness)and it just seemed appropriate that day.
I will keep on trudging.

Ah Chick...I can imagine how frustrating this must be AND am so proud of you for keeping on keeping on! Go Gurl!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chick, you will do it. I know you. You don't give up. <Queen circling arms in a round-type fashion, but awkward looking for someone so fluffy, as she chants....> GO CHICK! GO-O Chickkkk!

Chick do you know the percentages of skill versus luck in poker?

Just wondering, cause if luck isn’t on your side can you still come out the big winner?

i know nuthing of poker chick but still i can appriate and be proud of you for doing something so well.
I understand how frustrating stuff can be with hindsight but thats what makes experinse, i hope you strive on BUT still be proud of what you have done

The stuff you ladies were talking up about guilt, resolving guilt forgivbness from spirite and self forgivness, thanks for being so open. That stuff being heared makes a diffrence, i do belive that

gims belated condolinses also. I missed that and i had wondered were you been
take best of care of you in this too.

You are all so encouraging and believe me it helps. I'm Gonna take a break and do my second favourite thing. I'm going fishing.

chick, if BWS is first, and fishing is second, where does that leave poker? HA!

Thanks for sharing your story. It's touching to hear what's so important in your life. I could feel your disappointment in your post. Darn. How long to you have to wait to begin again, another year?

gims, I'm grateful you found the note from your mom. Timing is everything. Aren't you glad you hung onto it?

chatty, I find it amazing that she didn't get dementia until after her story was written. Again, timing.

jabber, as an doptive mom, I always appreciate hearing anything you have to say about adoption.

Oh she has had the dementa coming on for quite sometime now Dotsie, but some days its worse than others. In fact I am the one who pointed it out to her friend/caregiver. She hadn't noticed the little things. I wasn't with her as much so noticed those small tell tale signs when I was around her. I saw them yesterday and Ruth seemed fine, her old self, but one never knows from one day to the next, heck with dementa not knowing from one minute to the next is more accurate.

As far as her story if it hadn't been for ALL of her diaries and journals and newspaper clippings and the stuff she did remember I could have never written her story. I never spent so much time on the computer and telephone researching. Plus she was a camera buff and took thousands of pictures of all the historical items and times. Most were lost at sea when a ship sank but she still have tons. Her life story is nothing less than amazing.

Chatty,
I agree. A person's heart shows in their eyes. Love shines through the eyes like a lighthouse beacon.

chick,
I understand now. I love the idea that you play poker. I enjoy
cards so much. Not good enough at it to earn a living, but playing cards relaxes me. I wish I knew someone around here
who liked cards. The couple we used to spend evenings with at
cards, have both gone to be with The Lord.

gims,
Perhaps many offspring wish they had treated mom and dad a little more tenderly, with more respect and obedience.

Dots,
Wish I knew then, what I know now. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate
or understand their sacrifice, when I receive it. God bless
all adoptive parents!

Dotsie,
I saw a news clip where the singer, Madonna, was trying to adopt another child, and other couples were following her lead. Bio mom leaves innate footprints on a child's personality. But when an adoptee mature's, they come to understand bio mom's humanness and adoptive mom's giving via her compassionate heart. It takes a while for kids to get over abandonment, regardless of circumstances. That's a sore spot, which is hard to heal. IMO!

Dots,
Whatever country Madonna was in, they wouldn't let her adopt
another child from there. Good grief. I think that rots.

I heard that it was becasue she didn't have residency. Did she acquire residency for the first child? Seems odd.

I'm guessing she'll move on to another country.

I read that they decided to invoke their residency rule this time around, which they shouldn't have waived in the first place. The proposed adoption made me uneasy no matter how noble Madonna's intentions might be because there are close relatives who are not happy with it. Surely people would want a win-win situation rather than have it seem like some rich lady came and stole your granddaughter. There are other countries and children who are real orphans; let's hope she finds one of them.

You're right about the residency rule, Ellemm. And also about
the fact that a youngster should not be taken from their family,
if they have family. But there must be children without any
living relatives, who Madonna could adopt. Geese. It doesn't seem
like any child of hers would lack for anything.

This was sent to me by my SIL. She lost her DH 4 years ago and is just now coming out of the dark. Thought this was beautiful...


Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
Without the ghost of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
It is the same as it ever was
There is absolute unbroken continuity
What is death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

'The King of Terrors', a sermon on death delivered in St Paul's Cathedral on Whitsunday 1910, while the body of King Edward VII was lying in state at Westminster:
published in Facts of the Faith, 1919

I have copied this and am sharing it with the widow/widower group of my church. It is the best thing I have ever read on death. Thank you so much Browser57...

Perfect for this topic. Thanks for sharing.

browser57,
That is an awesome poem! Thank you!

I read that again and thought of what depth they had almost
a hundred years ago. Heaven looks awfully appealing sometimes!
There's much heartache and sadness on earth. But on the other
hand, there's much beauty and love and warmth, too.

Just checking in. This is where I left off so it seems appropriate. I am fishing and renewing my body and spirit. An overhaul of sorts. Up early and going to bed early. Quiet time in the morning with God and nature. Life is good. See you all when I return. Hope everyone is doing well.

Don't let anyone steal your joy.
Love
Andria

Chick....miss you. Can't wait to have you for a neighbor...even if it is in the next state!

Browser, I couldn't bring myself to comment on the poem that you posted before. When I read it, I was still marking the second anniversary of my brother's passing. We used this poem at his funeral, and printed it off on cards with his picture for everyone to take home. When I read it here, it was like a confirmation that he wasn't really gone very far. But i couldn't respond then because, well, I was just too sad to say anything at the time. But thank you so much for posting it. It meant a lot to me to read it that particular day.

And Chick, it's always a joy to see you and hear your voice here. You came to mind the other day when the History channel had a special on Capt Bob Bartlett. You surely are my Newfie kindred spirit, anytime I see anything about The Rock, you come to mind and heart!

chick, sounds awesome. Good for you to take care of yoruself.

Eagle, I can't believe it's been two years since your brother passed. Good Lord - time flies. Hoping time continues to heal your wounds. Anniversaries of deaths can be hard.

Thanks, Dotsie. It's getting easier. I talk with him all the time, so in some ways I have more contact with him now than ever before!

Yep, in real life, you only felt him when you were with him. Now you can feel him all the time.

Hello my missed friends,
I will use this thread to post because it is where I left off. So much has happened since I last posted here that I wouldn't know where to begin. I will tell you that I lost my brother unexpectedly.
I am without a computer for another while. Still in the beachhouse.
I am at the library right now so I took the opportunity to stop in and connect.
Maybe in a month or two I will be settled and have access to you all again.
I really miss all of you. I will say a big hello to the newcomers and hope to engage in conversation with you when I return.
As for my already made friends, I miss you bunches!

Love
Andria

We miss you too, Chick. I am so, so sorry to hear of the sudden demise of your brother. My sincerest condolences to you and yours. Please rest assured we'll all be here while you get yourself settled. Prayers and thoughts.

I'm so sorry to hear of your sad news, Chick.

I'm sure many of us are relieved and glad to hear from you. It's good to know that you are able to peek in every once in a while. And as Lola said, we are always here for you.

Andria, I'm so very sorry and sad to hear about your brother. I'm carrying you in heart and prayer, friend. If you need to talk, PM or email me. I know the heartache well!

We love you and you know we're here for you.

Chickadee, I miss you too!
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.

I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your brother. Please know that I am sending you a heart full of love.

I am glad, however, to hear from you. I think about you often and have wondered where you have been.

Darn, darn, and a double darn Chick, I missed this post all together and do so apologize.

I send condolences in regard to your brother.

I have been wondering where our 'lucky charm' had gotten to. We will be waiting impatiently for your return.

Chick,
I've been wondering about you. You've been deeply missed. Please accept my sympathy regarding the loss of your brother. And I
hope you gain access to a computer setup real soon! Prayers and
blessings...

How are you holding up since the death of your brother? I'm sure it's not easy. I'm sure Eagle would be a great comfort to you now.

Have you been doing any gambling?

I wonder how Chick's poker finessing has played out????

Chick,
I haven't been on in a while and totally missed this. Please accept my sincerest condolences on the death of your brother. I'm just heart sick to hear this. I'm so glad that you have the loving kindness of Mr. Chick to help you make it through this time.

Write when you can...or call. We all miss you terribly!

Sending love,

i not been on for longer chick sorry to hear about your loss. I know we all comphort ourself in thse times or find someway or something of comphort and i am hoping its this way for you too. I know you find your prayer and strenth from that but i hope all the range of other emotions get thir turn too when they are needed.

good luck in thse times nm xx