Expat,
Wish you all the best. Hope you and your son find strength,
renewal, restoration and tons of happiness as time progresses.
Prayers and blessings,

In fact, I've been through a divorce and wish all of you well!
My upset was way back in 1979 and, even now, I can feel what
you're going through!

Expat, thanks for the update. May you find peace and a renewed sense of strength, courage, and a will to do what is best for you and your son. I'm certain it's hard to leave your home, but your new place will be full of love and less stress - and that's what makes a happy home. Thinking of you during your transition.

Expat,

A new begining! I too will be praying for you!

I've been through a simular situation and am now on the other side. There IS life after an unsatisfying marriage!

hugs,

danita

Hi Girls,

We've just gotten connected again and I thought I'd pop on. It's been two weeks and although the first week was great with moving, getting things in order, having the energy to tidy up the garden, etc. last week hasn't been very good for me. I thought I would be jumping for joy once we moved out, but I haven't gotten that feeling yet. I still feel as if I am attached to hubby and maybe feel guilty about being happy, too. I realize I might be expecting too much too soon, but are there stages one goes through when leaving a marriage? I'm also aware that not feeling well has a lot to do with state of mind, so I should probably be more patient.

On the other hand, I've seen a tremendous change in my son, which is all that I had hoped for. Still a way to go with him, but I am relieved with what is happening so far.

Hope everyone is well and a Happy Mother's Day to everyone!

HI Expat.

Having left marriages, jobs etc...yes, I believe there are stages one goes thru. I think any kind of "long term" relationship, whether it's a boss or husband, takes time to adjust away from. As women, we perhaps take "ownership" in our duties, again either in a job or as a wife..and when that is severed, it feels as if your arm were removed. The home is the wife's castle. And when the castle walls are torn town, the home/nesting feeling is also torn. So, again......the adjustment period happens. Patience shall be practiced thru this transition.

Expat, it's normal to go through a grieving process when any kind of relationship ends. When I divorced, I was very depressed for a while and felt guilty as if it was my fault the marriage ended (we had been married almost 25 years). Allow yourself time to feel sad, guilty, whatever, but tell yourself you will only allow that for a specific amount of time - for example, I will let myself feel bad today, or until lunch, or until 6pm tonight, or whatever feels manageable to you. Those feelings won't go away all at once, it's a gradual process, and you may have to have pity-pot parties daily for a while. But once you emerge back into the daylight, it's a wonderful feeling! And the grieving process is different for each person, so don't compare your progress to someone else's. And remember we are all here for you.

Yonuh,

I know what you mean about feeling as if it's your fault. I think I will always have that kind of feeling because my reasons weren't all that bad in other people's eyes. However, I needed to go by what I felt.

You've given me such good advice, I will practice it from now on.

Good point, Di. I've never really considered your point of view about leaving a job, too.

I think my problem is aggravated by the fact that I've had to go back to the house to use the internet. Seeing that my husband has made changes, really upsets me. As the saying goes..."he didn't even wait until the body was cold!" So yes, it's hard to see him doing the things that I should be doing. Moreso, differently!

I also get upset over leaving my cat and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think I shed more tears for him than my husband! He used to sit on the window sill waiting for me to come home from work to feed him. When I asked my husband if he still does that, he said not as much, which started the tears again. The cat doesn't understand why I am no longer there and that makes me feel even more guilty for leaving.

I'm sure it takes a while to get the internet set up at your home, but it's probably best to have it done quickly and to stay away from "home" for some time. I'm sure going back can be upsetting.

Maybe in time, you can get a new cat?

Even though you are a bit rattled, I still hear hope in your posts, and that's so cool. I beleive you know that you did the right thing for your son and yourself. Embrace the adjustment time and feel whatever you need to feel. I think yonuh gave great advice about that.

I'm proud of your courage.