Just my opinion for what it's worth but I think it doesn't matter whether your family is large or whether it is small. We are all people when it comes down to it and not all of our personalities are going to mesh with one another. It's great for those that have a great bond with their siblings but in my circle we've all shared some experiences with one another about our brothers and our sisters that gives you a small piece of comfort to learn that family "drama" is not yours and yours alone. I am very close to my mom (dad has passed away 4 years ago) but not at all to my only brother. I have tried to work things out with him over the years but he just seems to want to keep that door closed real tight and not let me in. It does hurt but it's life, real life and I just go on with mine. I have missed so much of my nephews (3) life and he of my 2 sons that we can't get back. It is also doubtful that we'll even have much to do with one another when mom passes on. As the saying goes "friends are the family that you choose along the way" and I do think of mine as that.

Oh that's such a good point. I think we all look at our siblings sometimes as something OUTSIDE of being "just a person." I know I'm guilty of that. Why should I expect more from them just because they are family. The statement that we will not all mesh necessarily is such a true thought.

It made me think in regards to my own sisters that maybe you do...maybe you don't, and then maybe you do sometimes, but not all the time. While we love each other so much, it doesn't mean we will always "mesh." I like that. It takes the pressure off to be a sister ALL the time. It allows one to think in terms of being human.

Love all the thoughts shared here. So many truisms.

Reading this thread made me stop and think really hard about my own two sisters and our strained relationship. I called them today and spoke for half an hour or so to both of them about our relationships and theirs with our mother. I think I shocked them both when apologizing for my behavior in regard to their estrangement from our mother. Anyway we are okay now, in fact they are coming for a visit in a month or so and staying here with me to catch up. Both said they were ashamed at their treatment of our mom and were to proud to admit they were wrong. I GENTLY reminded them of our mothers age, 89, and said please don't wait too long. Both swore to call her before the end of the day, apologize and beg her forgiveness.

All this mending of family fences because of what I read here and passed on to my sibblings...Go BWS ladies!!!

I'm very happy that something good came from all this venting!
That is really neat! Prayers and blessings...

Hey, Jabber: That is so sad. I know, I grew up in a little town in Maine with a very abusive (physical and emotinal) abusive mother (never knew my father).

I was determined to break the cycle of violence. BOth my sister and did that.

How about getting into some counseling with your sisters? you can begin to learn about each other, what happened, vent your feelings, and perhaps come to a new understanding and develop a good relationship. Life is too short and precious to not have a good relationship with your family.

you could develop some "good-will consistency." Life is all about choice....I am the moderator of an abused survivor's group. I recommend: The Verbally Abusive Relationship to everyone on the planet.

Without education, we are helpless to see the problem and/or to make necessary changes.

Hugs, Alice (Fairy-Child)
www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com

wow, Chatty, how neat that you were able to make peace with your sisters. Every time I try to say "let's start over.." my sister shuts me down.

And Orchid, you need to learn to swim!!! It might save your life!

(((gims)))...I know all abut abuse and insanity....what your therapist said doesn't make much sense to me (guess I would have to know more)....DNA? My mother was physically and emotionally abusive, but my sister and i determined to never be like that. I joined the army right out of high school (best decision I ever made), and my sister went to Bible school in Canada when she was only 15. We broke that cycle of violence.

One thing people don't understand: ABUSE IS A CHOICE. ALWAYS a CHOICE, unless one is psychotic, etc., etc......If it weren't then abusers would abuse EVERYONE who they think aggravates them. Not so; it is usually done in private.

Some of our stuff is genetic, but I guess I don't buy what your therapist said; as children we have no power or boundaries; as adults we have a choice.

There was only my mother and a sister in my family; I never knew my father (met him when I was 33)...my sister is my best friend; we both complain about my mother, LOL, LOL.....just a few minutes with her will make me want to chew glass, LOL, LOL

I hear your pain, and send love, hugs and empathy.

Love, Alice

P.S. I have always been 'different" too. I consider it a blessing! Be an original. Celebrate you!

chatty, don't you love it when something you read here moves you to make a positive change in your life? It brings tremendous joy to my heart. Looking forward to hearing about the visit.

I think this goes both ways: expecting to have good relationships because of shared genes, but also tolerating behavior you might not in others because you do love your siblings and hope for the best. The second category would be me. I wouldn't have anything to do with the crazy relatives -- and I'm not talking drama, I'm talking certifiable mental disorders -- if they were not part of the family. You just do the best you can, realize this is the challenge you were given, love them from a distance, and hope someday they'll be freed from their troubles. I can no more 'fix' them than I can help someone grow a new leg, but I can always hope.

Chatty, I'm so glad to hear that you are mending things with your sisters. What a great gift to yourself and to them!

My mom called me this morning to tell me my sisters Chelle went over to my sister Pams house and they both got on the phone to speak to her last night. My sisters are neighbors in Colorado. My mother was so thrilled she was in tears. They told her they and I had made up and that they never wanted to be estranged from her again. They will be calling her often now. So this is what one would call A HAPPY ENDING!! It was good to hear my mom so excited, she deserves to be nothing but happy all the time.