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#163846 - 10/27/08 03:41 PM Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage? [Re: jabber]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
jabber, I'm sure you only had your son and your granchild's best interest at heart when you shared how you felt.

I honestly need to follow my parent's example. They always minded their own business when it came to their five kids and our boy/girlfriends, and eventual spouses. I don't know how they did it.

And now Dad is so good about minding his own business with regards to all of our children. I guess they were never controlling parents. I'm really trying to give up control now that thye're all out of the house.

It's really about zipping our lips.


Edited by Dotsie (10/27/08 03:41 PM)
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#163869 - 10/27/08 07:43 PM Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage? [Re: Dotsie]
DreamrKate Offline
Member

Registered: 10/15/03
Posts: 446
Loc: California
Our pastor once said, while I was probably sniveling about Scott and all his *situations*, to be very careful of what I said because negative words were, in effect, character assasination. When I thought of it like that, I started learning to hold back.

Learning that "every word that doth proceed from my mouth" is not golden was very valuable to me. I didn't like it, but so what?
And we create or destroy things with the fruit of our lips.

THAT lesson is either great or it makes you squirm. I've done both.

K


Edited by DreamrKate (10/27/08 07:44 PM)
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Kate

"Life was not given just to be happy, but to matter. Let me walk in that today." ~Kate

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#163935 - 10/28/08 03:36 PM Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage? [Re: DreamrKate]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
It isn't easy to do. I've said some stuff I wish I had never
uttered over the years. The older I get, the harder I try to
keep my mouth shut! Words can be killers. And it's hard to repair broken relationships.

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#176652 - 03/10/09 09:08 AM Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage? [Re: chatty lady]
Casablanca Offline


Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 6
Why will I prolong my agony..they are other woman stayed in a bad marriage was because for their children, but if things doesn't really working out no matter how you want to keep it the way it should be, better to end the relationship. It's also hard for the children seeing their parents always fighting over nonsense things.
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#176658 - 03/10/09 12:31 PM Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage? [Re: Casablanca]
celtic_flame Offline


Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
And we create or destroy things with the fruit of our lips.
i love that line kate
i also think you wrote a wonderfull letter, i be with some thought your a wonderfull antie and women to be around.

EW good advice and stratigie regarding your kids and you worrieing yourself sick about them, good stratigie.

relatives kids, frends it all hard when situasions about relashionships come up and what we say and how we effected by what we hear, getting balanse right so hard at times.


a lot of love wisdom and understandings needed all around whenever relashionships come up don'tya thinbk
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn

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#182570 - 05/19/09 11:44 PM Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage? [Re: Princess Lenora]
Athena Offline


Registered: 05/19/09
Posts: 1
I too would like the definition of a "bad Marriage" explained. Of course, that cannot be done because each individual expereience has it's own definition.

I am in a marriage that I am am questioning just that. It is "too bad to stay and too good to go". I was very disrespected by my husband (broke our partnership, while I was away on vacation with my 23 yr old duaghter= hired someone to do my work in our business.) That was one year ago and I have been searching out my new "career" and looking at my options at age 53 and coming up with nothing too exciting.

I am recently wondering if the trust was so broken in my heart that I simply cannot forgive. I am wondering why I think being angry willhelp me move forward and I cannot come up with the answer. He has apologized several times asking me what he can do show me that he loves me. He is happy. I am depressed and still sad that I cannot seem to find that passion for life, work etc.

I have hired a Life coach and I do not know if that will help. They are very expensive...but this is one "career' that I have thought I might enjoy and doesnt' require 3-4 years of college training. I was a full-time mom for 25 years. I am married for 31 years to this man. I was one of those women who got pregnanat and decided to get married. I loved being a mom and it was very easy for me. I now see that I had no support for developing myself outside of being a mother and that all women need to have that for themselves.....

How Long Do you stay in a Bad Marriage? I don't know. I even bought, for $400; the Mort Fertel Marriage Boot Camp and can't seem to get through it. I guess I am tired of "working" on creating love, even though I know it can be "made."

Athena

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#182572 - 05/20/09 12:56 AM Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage? [Re: Athena]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
No one can make anyone love them... Love isn't made it is earned, deserved if all goes as it should. However it's anyones guess as to how long to stay in a marriage, good or bad LOL!!!!

OOPS, I almost forgot to say WELCOME ATHENA
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#182711 - 05/21/09 07:59 PM Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage? [Re: chatty lady]
Alice Offline


Registered: 05/05/09
Posts: 311
Loc: Michigan
Hi, Athena: Welcome! My name is Alice (just joined). I stayed in an abusive "marriage" for 31 years (36 in all), and finally through excruciating self-talk, reading, etc...got a divorce.

There is a book: "Too Good To Leave Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirschenbaum.....the awfulest (just made that up) thing is that NO ONE can really help you make the decision.

Are your needs being met? I think that is a good question. i am not sure what your husband did, but you sound as you feel betrayed. Anger is good and necessary; it tells you there is something wrong and needs to be addressed.

I am the moderator of an abused survivors' group; if you'd ever like to talk, I'd be honored to be a part of what is happening in your life.

I went back to school at age 61, and won a women's scholarship; it was easy; all I had to do was write about my life.

I've written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice), and just met ChattyLady here, and sent her my manuscript today. I took money out of my retirement to get it published; always living on the edge.

I try to do it now and say it now, because tomorrow or the next second isn't promised to us.

www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com.....over 16,100 hits so far (what happened to me as I fought spiritual abuse for 18 months after getting a divorce).

Lovely to meet you here...as I tell my clients.....keep talking! It helps.

PS "Marriage boot camp?" Wouldn't that take 2?

My picture is the second one down from the top; still can't figure out how to get it to attach to my messages; I am a dancer, singer, writer and poetess.

Computers are not in my lexicon!

Love and hugs, Alice

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#182725 - 05/22/09 12:34 AM Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage? [Re: Alice]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Geesh, before all you ladies get out your pitch forks and storm my castle gates, hating me for breaking the bank on poor Alice, please know that my fee for editing is less than any editor around and my clients that have checked, tell me that.

I just finished one of three jobs where I charged a woman with a manuscript of 206 pages a $1.50 a page which was $309.00 and her last quote from another editor for the same exact manuscript was $1000.00 for minimal errors, or if too many errors, she then add's on $500.00 more. Thats ridiculous and most editors do not even edit for continuity of story as I do. Thats one of the most important thing publishers look for.

My fee has been $1.25 for several years with my having just raised it to $1.50 per page to help cover the rise in material costs, etc.

Okay so is it safe for me to leave the castle now?? I need groceries.
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#182747 - 05/22/09 12:09 PM Re: How Long Do You Stay In a Bad Marriage? [Re: chatty lady]
Alice Offline


Registered: 05/05/09
Posts: 311
Loc: Michigan
Your castle is safe! Your rates are very reasonable!


The drawbridge is down, and you may go and get those groceries!

Love, Alice

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