I wanted to share something that happened just now and has me frustrated. We have property that is adjacent to 21 acres of woods owned by someone else. For the past few days surveyers have been all over the place and today 4 men walked onto my property and I went out to meet them. The owner introduced himself and he complimented me on our home and how beautiful the place looks. We talked about the history of the place, prior owners and then got to talking about what he was about to do with his land. He said he's going to rip out every tree and plant a pine tree farm. (There go our owls and wildlife). Anyway, he said the problem is his property butts up again a bunch of "N's" neighborhood. I was stunned that he used that word around me and before I'd recovered from hearing it once he said it again in a derrogatory way. As politely as possible and without any sarcasm said, "They're not "N's", they're black people. I have friends who are black and find the N word offensive and never use it. I would appreciate it if you could refraind from using it around me". At which point, he turned on his heels and walked off. He looks about my age (I'd never met him before) but have heard that he owns a lot of property in this area.
One of the problems I had about moving back to the deep south is this very attitude with some of the folks who live here. And I realize it's not just in the south that this is a problem.
I was wondering what you would do if faced with something similar? Would you say something or say nothing. I read somewhere that saying nothing IS saying something. Would you stand up for what you believe or say nothing?
I am of the age and attitude that when someone says this word around me it's like hearing the F word or taking the Lord's name in vain.
Larry keeps telling me I can't change the south and some people's attitudes...and I know this. But, I can ask a person not to use it around me, especially while they're standing in my yard. If I hear it elsewhere I can walk away.

First of all, re: Property being turning into something commercial. Same happened to us. The guy behind us was about the subdivide (after we'd been told for YEARS that prpty was BLM land..owned by govt and will not ever be "used".) The county had to notify us and we had a chance to contest. We did not but the owner decided to plant alfalfa instead.

The "N" word. I heard it growing up, too. In the east...from my Grandmother!! I don't use it AT ALL. And Yes I would have said something just like you. And that I have a relative (cousin-in-law) who is African American and I take offense as she is NOT a "N".

I LOVE this age that I can say what is on my mind.

Dee, if someone used that word around me, it would make me cringe to the center of my heart. But I’ll be truthful, if that person seemed primitive and dumb…I wouldn’t waste my breath or time of day with him/her.

Otherwise, I agree with Di, the advantage of being older is saying what you think, and not giving a damn what they think!

Dee,
As a true Southerner, thru and thru, I have never used that word and it is not part of my vocabulary. My parents didn't either. We did and do have black friends and families. They weren't colored either. They were people. Just people. There were no riots in the 60's or 70's in my town and our school was integrated. One of the first ones. The kids were people we grew up with, so we couldn't figure out the big deal was all about. And please don't someone jump in here and tell me that we were the exception. How do you know?

For every bad experience someone has just as you did, Dee, there are lots of Southerners who do not share that man's ignorance.

I get so tired of everybody blaming the South for other people's ignorance...like the North doesn't or never has, held prejudices. IT'S ALL IN THE SOUTH.

To say, "One of the problems I had about moving back to the deep south is this very attitude with some of the folks who live here," really gets to me as well. So you think prejudice only lives in the deep South? You've traveled the world and you've never seen prejudice before?

You don't have to live in the South to see prejudice. It just so happened that your neighbor is...AND that's too bad. I find a blanket statements such as "you can't change the South," very disturbing and unjust. And quite frankly, it hurts my feelings.

From Elie Wiesel: "When good men do nothing, evil prevails." Speak up.

Dee, you did the best thing in the most polite way that was fitting for your personal values by speaking up.

Just hope the guy doesn't retaliate in some strange way.

Oh yea, so just because President Obama is in power that doesn't help either. So SAD.

Jawjaw, some people's prejudices might really come out when they have to choose location of home to buy...no kiddin'. I will save some stories...later.

JJ...Larry wasn't referring to people who don't have prejudice attitudes in the south...he was referring to people who do. I think you're smart enough to figure that one out. And as far as what I said, "One of the problems I had about moving back to the deep south is this very attitude with some of the folks who live here." being upsetting to you...if you re-read it you'll see that I said "some of the folks"...not all of the folks.
I wish I lived in your world...it sounds nicer...down here it isn't so pretty. There isn't a week goes by that I don't hear remarks that refers negatively towards black Americans. Remarks like "Well, you know how THEY are." the "N" word. "Are they black?"...referring to the new people who bought a house down the block. I was cut off on the highway by a car and was relaying the story to some ladies at a meeting I attended...the first question was "Was he black?" I'm so sick of this attitude that I could scream. What the hell is wrong with people? I didn't hear this kind of talk in Oklahoma or Iowa or California or Florida...but, I did in Mississippi and do in Alabama...that's why I say 'southern' states. It makes me sick that I'm living in a country and in a state where so many of its citizens still consider people of color beneath them. It's embarrassing to me as a white person. For that man to stand there today and say what he said and assuming that I was as stupid and ignorant as he, infuriates me. If you want to see unjust and disturbing then come down here and walk around and listen to what's really being said.
You made reference to me living in other places. Yes, I have and, no, color was not an issue...it wasn't brought up in every freaking conversation that I have with people in Europe...it wasn't an issue. Here...in the south...it's almost always an issue...always. In meetings, in the church even and I remind you all of the day I was in the department store and a white clerk turned her back on a black man and turned to me instead saying "You know how they are." I get sick of people thinking that I am like them. I'm not and every chance I get to speak out against prejudice I'm going to. You are right...not every southerner is prejudice...but, that's not what I was trying to say...you took it wrong.
Be upset with me if you want to JJ but I'm only telling it like I have seen it and experienced it. I cannot speak for the northern part of the United States because I haven't lived there, but I can speak for the southern part because I was born here, lived here and returned here...and not much has changed.

Alice: No truer words were spoken.

Orchid: Thanks...and yes, you should have heard remarks about Obama down here. Larry was afraid to put a yard poster and sticker on our vehicle for fear of retaliation...from white people. The mentality that still exists baffles me. And yes, the remarks about black folks moving into white neighborhoods is still an issue for some...honestly.

Sorry JawJaw, we know it's not all in the South, not by a long shot. BUT, there are significant areas in the South where people are not only casually if not hatefully prejudiced but also not accepting of outsiders. And Dee, Oklahoma is not exactly a hotbed of enlightment; casual racially charged comments are not unusual here.

I spend nearly 3 years in North Carolina and I'll never go back -- and I'm white. I got *so* sick and tired of being called a Damn Yankee all the time. You know, they didn't care where I was from and usually didn't even bother to ask. I didn't sound right, so that made me a target. I cannot imagine how non-Caucasians would have been treated.

I was completely unprepared for this and learned many good lessons, mostly to try and be decent to others. The lesson I also learned was that I'm not going back there. I have had enough Southern hospitality.)

To this day, I just don't think I'd ever be accepted for myself in some places. Even though I know there are plenty of other places like that that are not in the south, but that was my experience. I watch myself pretty carefully even around here because I know I'm different, not sounding like a native and all. Usually it's pretty ok, but sometimes I get smacked again.

By the way, if people start using racial epithets no matter whre I am, I speak up. I don't care if they don't like me, I'm not going to listen to that.

Dee, I think prejudice goes the other way as well. My DIL’s family was against her marrying my son, a white man. And when they were in Florida together, they did not walk hand in hand in fear of how the black’s would react. My son refuses to go there with her now.

We do have some discrimination going on against Islams and the Turkish population in Germany. But it is because many aren’t integrating into the German culture. They build their mausoleums, veiled woman walk 5 steps behind their husbands and daughters get sent away if they have anything to do with a German man.

I love the following quotes:


and

I live as far north as the middle of the US can get, and we have racial comments going on here all over the place. A few weeks before the end of the school year, I had an African American parent call me white trash.

We have African Americans calling Somalian immigrants names. We have Asian Amerians and Latino Americans putting each other down, on a daily basis. And yes, we hear the "N" word on a daily basis - white to black, black to black, asian to black and blah, blah, blah.

I hate any form of name calling. Last night Dennis and I watched the movie, Gran Torino. The boy, Thao, played by Bee Vang, was a former student of mine. The name calling in that movie was a part of the plot, but it still bothered me. It's simple bullying, to me. And name calling, in any form, is usually done by some one who is ignorant (not necessarily stupid), and afraid of the other group.

Dee, you did right, to speak your point of view. I doubt that it will impact the neighbor much, but maybe he won't come over to talk to you again.