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#186991 - 07/22/09 10:13 PM
parent- me - children sandwich
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Member
Registered: 11/22/02
Posts: 1149
Loc: Ohio
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I'm currently visiting my mom and flew my daughter and two granddaughters here. A moment of venting please... we all went to the zoo today. My mom in wheel chair, daughter pushing stroller with one child, the other walking along. My son came too. But sheesh, what a meltdown driving home -- daughter wanting to stop at a particular ice-cream store, Mom saying how ridiculous that is, how out of the way, we're too tired, etc. So, whom should I accommodate?
I told mom how special my duaghter perceived it to be, etc., and did she know any others that fit this particular description, which she didn't. We stopped and she had some too (I don't even eat ice cream). Each one has her perticular way of seeing me. I'm the elephant, and they're the blind men describineg me. Each knows a part, but neither knows me completely. But also, neither can even understand that!
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#187002 - 07/23/09 03:56 AM
Re: parent- me - children sandwich
[Re: ]
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Member
Registered: 11/22/02
Posts: 1149
Loc: Ohio
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I think we were all tired. I thik she thought my daughter was being unreasonable. I'd said to my daughter it would've been better had she spoken up as we passed the place the first time, but she didn't do that for whatever reason. My mom was a little spoiled by my dad who died a year ago. She still thinks she can get others to be intimidated by her commands, I suppose.
My daughter had been to this place before when in town, in the company of another relative who's a chef and knows the best spots to eat. They make everything from scratch, and use fresh fruit, etc., in the ice cream, so it really was special.
My point is, though, that today I really experienced the whole sandwich thing big time. Demands being made from top and bottom, both of whom seemed to think I was getting some benefit out of doing any of it, while I thought I was trying to make everyone happy, which isn't possible.
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#187008 - 07/23/09 07:06 AM
Re: parent- me - children sandwich
[Re: DJ]
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Registered: 11/19/08
Posts: 1758
Loc: American living in Germany
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DJ, I sooo understand what you are saying.
It’s hard, very hard. And I don’t really have any answers for you, because I am often in the same sandwich. The only thing I found that seems to crank up the respect is if I make myself rare. If I don’t go after them, feeling it’s time to do something for them,…but instead keep busy with my life, and let them come to me. Then I am able to choose if I have time or not. Often I don’t, because I have been forming my own life, finally. And you know what? I am even beginning to rid myself of those old guilt feelings when I say, ‘I don’t have the time’.
_________________________
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. Goethe
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#187067 - 07/24/09 03:54 AM
Re: parent- me - children sandwich
[Re: Dotsie]
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Member
Registered: 11/22/02
Posts: 1149
Loc: Ohio
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No I haven't read it. Actually, both brothers, their wives, my sis and her husband, my one nephew and 3 nieces, one of my sons, my uncle and one cousin all live in my hometown where mom is.
Overall it was a great trip. It was a wonderful opportunity. Probably the only time teh great grandkids will get to see Grandma Great, as she calls herself.
It'd be a different story if I didn't live here, most likely. What I think is intereesting is that I jsut about blew up at my daughter who said something like "Mom likes to be as difficult as possible," or "Mom wants to ..." and I said to her, "You have no idea what it is I want." She seemed to change her attituge after that. It's funny because she complains that my sons don't let her grow up, but it seems that with regard to me, she sometimes gets locked into a remnant of old reactions.
Everyone leaves tomorrow. It's been fun.
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#188122 - 08/11/09 09:57 PM
Re: parent- me - children sandwich
[Re: jawjaw]
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Registered: 11/19/08
Posts: 1758
Loc: American living in Germany
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JJ, I love your candid honesty.
I think your meetings, wearing the same clothes, are such a hoot. Are your sisters as funny as you? hoho...sorry your Highness...what kind of question was that?!
I love my brother dearly too,...but never ever could I live under one roof with him. We would kill each other. We've talked about moving in together when we retire, incase we are both single, but I told him it will only work if he follows my rules. lol
_________________________
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. Goethe
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