Chatty Lady, you're so right. I have to learn to say 'no'. I have to learn to put myself first and recognize the signs that make me sick. I have to set limitations on my activities when it comes to the level of "excitement" I can handle.

I just returned from a visit to my psychiatrist and he was in agreement. It's all about managing my environment. Finding life management skills. I'll be attending partial hospitalization therapy where 5 days a week from 9 - noon I go to a place for group therapy sessions. This is where I'll learn these "life management" skills I need to cope so hopefully I'll know how to handle my symptoms next time.

Vicki, I wish you a speedy recovery. You must have the best doctors in the country. The doctors I saw here were terribly unhelpful. So in that respect, I envy you.

Vicki, sounds like you're in good hands. Perhaps, in the future, you should only plan one trip at a time. WHile travel is fun, it's also stressful.

My tongue in cheeck message..about how "One day" I will put myself first is a recognition that I am aware that I put others first.Perhaps I am basicly a tribal person a team player and muddle around now in my retirement.I have time which is a luxury.But as for health..we must all strive to know ourselves our limits note the red flag waving health wise.
My generation here in my part of the world were programmed to be "good homemakers and wives/mothers.." and this takes energy.Later women realised there are many ways of caring and loving..I continue to discover and enjoy the diversity of life..but without good health both physical and emotional life is harder so I pledge often to study what is important..

I love my therapist and psychiatrist. I think they are the best in the world. I truly lucked out finding them. They are extremely supportive and are willing to work with me in whatever it takes to make me well. They are the front line when it comes to my support team. I'm going to stay with them for aa long as I can.

Vicki...you are such a hero to so many women here...you never give up and you have the forsight to know when you need to 'stop' and regroup. I'm so proud of you and am sending you love and hugs!!! Keep inspiring us, woman...You're truly amazing, strong and I know you give others hope. All one has to do is look at your photo. Love ya girlfriend!!

Vicki, I remember after my first major breakdown (requiring 3 months of hospitalization), I was devastated by what was happening to me. And for years after, I was terrified of a relapse. One day I asked my psychiatrist how we could make sure it would never happen again, and he answered that there was no way we could know if it would or wouldn't, but that what we were doing in therapy was giving me "road signs" so that i would know how to find my way back more easily the next time. He also said the most important thing in managing chronic depression was to know the signs, know myself so well that I would know when it was time to get help.

I think it takes courage and inner strength to dare to delve into ourselves to the extent that we meet those limitations and acknowledge them so then WE have the power, not the symptoms or the disease.

Knowing the need for therapy, whatever is necessary to find our way back to solid ground is critical and inspirational to others going through the same journey.

My prayers and care are with you.

Thank you Dee and EH.

You don't know the struggles I go through to put together a simple sentence. And that hurts because writing is my life. Without writing, I have no way of communicating the ache in my soul. Without writing I cannot make a living writing the books I love to write. Without writing I cannot help those who seek to learn from me. Without writing, I'm not me.

Vicki, I can understand your anguish, but would dare to tell you that you are INFINITELY more than your writing, and INFINITELY more than this struggle you're in right now. Somewhere inside of you, you know that, you know that you are worthwhile and spectacular just because you exist...writing is the icing on the cake and your expression of self, but it's not the totality of who YOU are...YOU are a bright and shining light, a candle raging in the night. Right now you feel voiceless, but this too shall pass, and when it does, YOU will still be you. And don't forget the power within the wounded healer...when you have walked in the darkness, the words you speak to others also trapped there carry much more light and healing power...everything contains a golden nugget of learning and self-evolution which is meant to help us fulfill our purpose and our desire to help others. There is nothing empty here...it all weaves together an ever-evolving YOU that will speak more power and more light than ever before. So try to hold on to the recognition that you are infinitely MORE than what you're going through right now, and that what you're going through right now is a goldmine - reach in and find the golden nuggets of evolution...they're there.

We're so lucky to have you in our world...keep writing...one word at a time. We love you sweetness!!!