I was going to be silent on this but if it helps Dots understand, I'll talk.

I have a website for battered women and they start believing you have no problems but we all know that's ridiculous but for some reason, one of the women started inviting the women there to BWS. I no longer had my safe place to share and she was actually pulling women away from my site.

I looked for another site where I would feel safe but couldn't find one so I just stayed away and recently decided to come back because I miss you gals. I still don't feel like I can be 100% honest and open tho.

Thanks to all for sharing.

With regards to be honest and open. Is this for self-protection, and if so are we the same with other relationships in life?

Example - I have sisters or friends that I share certain pieces of my life with because I know they share those similar pieces. It's waht we have in common. I might share eldercare issues with one friend who is also going through caring for their parents. Then with another friend, I might share the issues regarding raising 20 somethings because they are doing the same. I don't share everything with everybody. Who has time?

The other difference is that when we share here, we're sharing with many women, and in an open forum which can be read by anyone.

For some, there's anonymity, but for others, we are easily identifiable.

I've recently started sharing a bit more about my FIL who has Alzheimer's. For a good while, I couldn't share because I never knew who's reading and I didn't think it was fair to him to share such personal information. Ross and I have decided that since he is farther along the path, it wouldn't matter to him, nor hurt him, and the information can help others. Just an example of why I will and won't share certain information.

Maybe no site is safe as we would wish it to be..That is why I use a pen name on the poetry site I post on.Also have folders where very personal poetry is stored..

Schools used our site and gained from PM poostings...There was poet of the month..feedback from public posters.This all stopped after the site was infiltrated by nasty stuff.The web master had to shut down and build in safeguards..Also the good part when the BBC and outside agencies used it as a source also had to stop..always a rotten few spoil things.Sorry such a site as yours had problems.

The good far outweighs the bad! And I remain forcused on the good, but am always interested in improving. There will be a survey in the new year for forum members only.

Here is my rule of thumb when posting:

Can mama read it?

Nuff said.

I think that the answers to any "why" are going to be as varied as the people you're asking. I was contemplating about it this afternoon. And deep down inside, I know why I don't come as much. It's because as hard as I try to feel and talk and behave positively (and I do!), there is still such a miserable "agony of absence" murmurring deep inside of me that I fill my life with distraction so as not to feel it or drown in it. Coming here has long been my refuge and home-base, but I'm tired of leaking my pain all over the forums here, so try to fill some of the void with fun mindless activities (like online games, baking, making lists of lists, shopping for books that I never get around to reading). I know I'm sometimes in such pain that it's barely tolerable and I do ANYTHING to stifle it...even if it's sprinkling gardens for hours on Facebook. I come here first, and look for something I can contribute meaningfully to, but can't tolerate the heated discussions that sometimes go on, so on those days, I just move on to something somewhere else. It doesn't mean I don't care, it means that I'm just trying to keep my head above the water.

Honestly, I did not think I'd have stayed for as long as I have. I joined BWS a month into my post-op after a major surgery and thought I would not be able to maintain participation in the forums when I went back to work. But, I always find time to pop in, often at the back of some work or another that I am preoccupied with on my computer, which I always am. If I disappear for a period, it would be because I would be away from my computer for some reason or another.

Some would perhaps perceive online communities as a very impersonal medium for friendships, in whatever degree that may arise. However, it takes very little to recognise that there are aspects of lives shared here from a very personal level. On that basis alone, one is constantly reminded that behind forum names are real people. And, because ladies here share in the way that they do, the least that one does is not be dismissive of their company.

As to diversity, I think if we were to look into the 2701 membership of the forums, we'd find diversity in general. It only happens to be the case that there are regular posters and even then, I think we all come from different backgrounds in satisfaction of that element.

Do I hold back from full disclosure? Yes, but, only because my life is privately and professionally intertwined with many others who might not appreciate any breach of courtesy to them on a public forum. So, I self-censor on their behalf.

thx for sharing some general info. on your efforts, Dotsie and investment. Not sure if you would consider the idea of a senior college or university student in marketing course or ...community development, who would as an internship, assist you in some marketing efforts... this would include outreach to groups of women who may be harder to reach. but women who are still quite articulate on paper. I am thinking of some people who have skills in both marketing and community development that I've known over the years who can "speak" the language of diverse constituents.

Being articulate and literate in writing fluency, to participate in any forum is helpful but not everyone has the skill nor inclination nor interest. So some people gab alot on cellphone. Also it is in English only. Let's be real. That already cuts out a ton of women's possible voices. And the language here will remain in English. We're not that inclusive in all open arms.

As for everything is fine..well if it's the same core membership posting often..then it tends to be a friendly, clubby to outsiders/onlookers. Others would interpet as requiring too much effort to penetrate with something to post, vs. just observing.

Please do not take this personally:

When white only men in country golf clubs, executive boards (and still some are like this) of companies, etc.: They thought their world was just fine and "perfect". Until others who didn't quite understand their culture in the boardroom, on the golf links, wanted to enter too to join in the dialogue. The wannabe joiners had something useful to say too..

Then the ruckus or perceived ruckus started. Now we know where history went...and it is still being made, as we speak.
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Some degree of self-protection on what a forum member posts is useful but still allow honesty for safer topics.
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Eagle, it must be tiring to be here at times. Yet, there are times, you demonstrate nearly jaw-dropping strength and insistence..like your comments with Wisdom on setting boundaries. (Was that Eagle? Of course, that's her too. She's more normal than she says :D) . Would like to see more of that. Is that what living is about? Kinda of like a happy band that tried to play in tune but alot of voices and musical pieces popping out all over the place from everyone's instruments. At least the band is playing. It's not the symphony, but it is real soulful presence.

Dotsie, interesting to read what you have been investing in promoting this site. Although this started as your personal cause, isn’t BWS a business for you as well? When I think about my investments in my business and website, I’m right up there with you.

As Meredith says; “Everything has its ebb and flow”. Although I think the ebb part has increased. Participation isn’t as active as it once was. But you know, I don’t need dozens of on-line friends. Five to ten steady friendships are for me more meaningful then collecting a pile of acquaintances. It’s like that in my “real” life too. I prefer a smaller circle of friends, then large groups where your own voice and thoughts go under in the turmoil.

As far as heated discussions going on; I haven’t seen any in a long time. We have had constructive discussions as well, without any punches under the belt. It hasn’t been all bad.

I don’t think Facebook holds a candle to this place. It’s here where we can really interchange.

Why do I keep coming back? When here, it’s like I’m putting on my sweats, my comfy slippers, and cuddling in my easy chair. I feel like a part of it all, and I feel welcomed. I love that feeling, and wouldn’t want to give it up any more than my easy chair.

EW, this is spot on!

I have probably revealed more of my deeper self right here than I have anywhere else both online and offline. I know I can come here if I want to just goof around. I know I can come here if I am broken and need a shoulder. I know I can come here when I need feedback and guidance (as evidence in my post "I can't take it anymore!"). I know I can come here if I need or want to learn anything from any subject. I came here for refuge after I lost my dad, and I knew I could do that. Not to mention, some of my best New Years Eve Parties has been right here!

It is second nature to me now to be able to come here and have conversations with my friends. I can't imagine my life without this place to come to.

Now I have been to other forums in the past, I was looking for a place to come and be with friends whenever I felt like taking my hair down. Most forums were very slow, I may have received a response after 4 months maybe? When I found this forum, this is when I stopped looking.

I'll never forget when I joined this forum how welcomed I felt and still feel.

Here is what happened. I had started a content based web-site at that time, thinking it was a path I was to take. Before I put any content on it, I had typed on my homepage the day I would launch it. When I had registered at BWS, I had added the web address in my profile. I was pleasantly surprised later that day to see an email from Dotsie to personally welcome me to the forum. Not only that, she mentioned to me to announce my web-site when it was ready. That is when I knew, I had stumbled on to something different. Was it the free advertising? No, I saw a woman reaching out to help another woman, it was the heart I saw. This was surprising because if you even mention you have a business or a name just in conversation, the moderator would go balistic, that is the experience I would have on the other forums prior to finding this one!

I can't imagine my life without my Boomer Sisters! I really can't.

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi