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#197533 - 01/11/10 12:04 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Princess Lenora]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
chatty, I have a friend who did this, but she had several kids and people coming in and out of her home all the time, so she put it inside the cupboard that stored the snacks. She claims it worked. Great idea.

We are going to Aruba later this month. I will be wearing my bathing suit, and you know what? I don't even care. Now how's that for putting my big girl panties on and dealing with it?

I'm sure there will be those moments in the hotel room mirror where I'm disgusted, but I'm sure I'll get over it; dimpled thighs and all.
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#197564 - 01/11/10 08:22 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Dotsie]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Best way to not see whats in that mirror Dots is to NEVER LOOK!
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http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#197645 - 01/13/10 01:48 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: chatty lady]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Great idea.
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Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
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#197707 - 01/13/10 07:49 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Eagle Heart]
Sadie Offline
Member

Registered: 10/08/04
Posts: 1274
Loc: MD
Oh, I love New Mexico been their in the abour 1969 loved it the dry air and warm sun on my face .It is so peaceful and so much fun . Peace and senrenity that is for me. Jouraling is good for the stress also .

Sadie
_________________________
Courage is very important
Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use .

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#197797 - 01/14/10 08:39 AM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Sadie]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Princess its not so bad bearing my 'whatevers' when there is no one in the pool I give a darn about, and don't care what they think anyway. I go to the pool for sunshine, pleasure and exercise and nothing more. When younger I would have worried what people thought, BUT thank the Lord, with age comes wisdom. So now who cares?
_________________________
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#197862 - 01/14/10 05:45 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Josie]
P.J. Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 50
Loc: Austin, TX
You've gotten some wonderful advice here. I can't really add anything to it, because not too long ago I needed the same advice, but I can tell you this; I could have written your post myself. I have a daughter situation that is unbelievably and incredibly instense and for years I felt like I couldn't plan anything either. I felt like I couldn't even make friends with people because making friends would require disclosure and my situation is almost too much to explain to people. I was sucked into my daughter's daily drama for longer than I can tell you and I was completely exhausted, broken and miserable. I felt just like you....like I didn't care if I lived or died. Life literally meant nothing to me. It was just a succession of days, one after another, all the same, and all with no meaning. I would wake up in the mornings and count the hours until I could just go back to sleep at night so the day would be over and I wouldn't have to live in it anymore. The subconsciousness of sleep was my only relief.

Setting boundaries is the key, and it wasn't until I made it okay for myself to do so that things began to change. Sometimes we feel guilty for setting boundaries, almost as if it is selfish of us to have our own life. That's what happened to me. I felt obligated to fix everything and if I did say no my daughter would make sure to heap monumental guilt on me for it. Any hurtful, cruel thing she could say or do to keep me entangled in her messy life, she did. She still does make those attempts but I took a major step to free myself from her. I moved. Out of state. I'm not saying this is the answer for others, but for me I had to leave to seperate myself from the trauma and drama. I also felt it was important for me to leave to make her see that she had to let go and take care of herself. I wanted/needed to make myself unaccessable to her and I needed to save my own life....desperately. Things are still not good for her but for me, things are slowly coming together. This year I am working to create a life I want to get out of bed for....one where I ask myself what I want to do, not what I have to or need to do or what I am being guilted or pressured into doing. I'm not there yet, but I'm not where I was, either, and I'm not going back there.

Take that trip. PLEASE take that trip. Stop anyone who tries to make you feel guilty over it. Let it be okay to tell your aunt that although you would love to see your cousin, this trip is about other things and it just can't be done this time. If she doesn't understand then that is her issue and you have to let it be hers. There is a saying I am growing more and more fond of everyday: "Other people's opinions of us are none of our business." There's a lot of freedom in that sentence.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers. I know how difficult this is!
_________________________
Inside me there is an angel whom I am constantly shocking...Dolly Parton

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#197906 - 01/15/10 10:41 AM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: P.J.]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
P.J., gosh, you are so wise to be able to make the break. Good for you.

Not sure if you are interested, but if you want to join us in the 30 Days to a New You, FREE e-course, I hope you will. We are only on day four. Look at the Important Annoncements section at www.boomerwomenspeak.com to learn more.

I like that you can say that things are still not great for her, but they are getting better for you. That is real tough love. I'm glad you can do it. We are not responsible for our kid's happiness, though we want them to be happy.
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www.nabbw.com
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#197911 - 01/15/10 12:06 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Dotsie]
MustangGal
Unregistered


I wonder if the aggravation of children is often the result of the father that has or is misdirected to the mother?

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#197915 - 01/15/10 12:42 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Dotsie]
P.J. Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 50
Loc: Austin, TX
Thanks, Dotsie...I'll definitely take a look!
_________________________
Inside me there is an angel whom I am constantly shocking...Dolly Parton

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#198190 - 01/19/10 10:10 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: P.J.]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
PJ, thank you for posting your story, I know it must’ve been emotionally draining and I truly appreciate this more than you know. I am sorry I hadn’t responded sooner, actually, I went away this past weekend for my granddaughter’s 2nd birthday. My daughter does not have internet access because she is behind in paying her bills. I refuse to bail her out. I will only help her work out a strategy to pay it on her own, but she doesn’t want to hear it so I will not waste anymore time and energy than I have to. Anyway, this is the first time I’ve had a chance to respond.

Setting boundaries is very difficult when you are used to feeling guilty for every move you make. Taking care of yourself is so much easier said than done, especially when you grow up with the example of “sacrificing everything for your family”. Well these are different times, unlike the generations before us when those who benefited from the “sacrifices” reciprocated by becoming responsible adults and respected their parents and/or elders. I am not holding my breath and perhaps that could be why I’ve let it go on this long. Thinking the days of “sacrifices” will pay off was just around the corner. Then Richard and I could have some peace for a change and live the simple life we want to live. But I have to accept the fact that that time might never come.

I am glad you were able to take a step by going to another State. Maybe because my daughter lives 6 hours away from us in the same State, it is still too close to home. It may be the key for us too. The longer the distance, the more difficult it would be to pick up and go. Until that time comes, I am going to have the attitude of living farther away. What I mean by that, and I thought about it this weekend ironically. I am going to have to make my visits the same way as I would if I lived farther away. In other words, not make any trips one weekend a month. Perhaps limit my visits to twice a year for a week at a time. Although, I am hoping to have my granddaughter here this summer for a week with just my husband and myself. But this is something I want to do.

As for New Mexico, I haven’t heard from my friend, I don’t know if she changed her mind about having me there. It’s alright, I will plan something else if I haven’t been able to make any kind of solid plan with her. As a Sci-Fi buff, I am already making alternate plans to going to NM in July when they have the annual anniversary of the Roswell crash. I’ve always wanted to go to this event. I just joined the UFO Club in VA Beach and I have been enjoying it very much. I’ve always been interested in this subject since I was a little girl and learned there were other planets out there. But I digress.


Quote:
I'm not there yet, but I'm not where I was, either, and I'm not going back there.

It’s going to take time, and I am not quite where you are, but I am at least going in that direction. I am so glad you told me this. This gives me hope. Too many times we compress our stories and in turn make it look like all we had to do was take a couple of steps and voila, like magic we are empowered. So when it doesn’t work that way, I lose hope and begin to think perhaps there is something wrong with me. Thanks for this PJ.

Quote:
There is a saying I am growing more and more fond of everyday: "Other people's opinions of us are none of our business." There's a lot of freedom in that sentence.
Excellent quote. Do you know who quoted this?

Quote:
I'll be keeping you in my prayers. I know how difficult this is!


You are in my prayers as well PJ. God Bless you tenfold dear sister!

Cheers,
Cathi
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Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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