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#199058 - 02/03/10 05:19 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Princess Lenora]
greene Offline


Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 262
Loc: Atlanta,Georgia
Cathi, I'm just wondering how things are going with you. Hope all is well.

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#199249 - 02/07/10 04:31 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: greene]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Thank you Greene for your concern. Now everything is okay because I am working on it.

Unfortunately, I had a setback the last two weeks. The drama with the events in the past few years took a toll more on my husband than I had realized.

I had found out he found his ex-girlfriend through a facebook page* I wasn't aware of him having. I found some intimate emails they had exchanged with each other. He said things to the effect that he regretted leaving her 25 years ago and it was a big mistake, etc...

Without going into too much detail, we had to work out some issues with this the past two weeks. It really hurt me and as it turned out, I made this discovery 3 weeks after he stopped corresponding with her. Which validates to me that he felt bad for me and realized she was still the same spoiled brat he knew back then. In other words, he snapped out of it, LOL.

We have been trying to work on communicating better with each other and we have been spending more time together. Basically, enjoying the time now since there are no children and we are empty nesters. We are planning on taking a Reiki workshop together for starters. This may help eliminate some of the stress we have been feeling the past few years.

*He has since linked with me and Sofia on Facebook and I found more friends we had back in the early days. Her comment is still on his wall. I had to think of a subtle way to respond for a days, then I found a quote.

Her Comment on December 10 was:

"It was so nice talking to you yesterday. Sorry that I had to end the call, but they shut the door of the aircraft! Please call me when you can so we can continue or conversation!

NOTE: This was a really nice re-connect with an old boyfriend! I think I need this"

I almost responded with:

"Glad your needs were met, now back off and stay out of my marriage"

But I couldn't bring myself to say that, instead, I posted this quote beneath her comment:

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it. - George Moore"

Thanks again Greene for asking. There is still drama with my daughter and unfortunately the jam she is in now is not her fault, but we are taking it one day at a time. At least she is getting along well with her daughter's father. This makes me happy as well for all three of them, not to mention the peace of mind it is bringing the rest of us, LOL!

Cheers,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#199268 - 02/07/10 07:45 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Wisdom&Life]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Cathi, what a great quote, and a very kind way to respond. DOn't you wonder how many times this has happened with boomers and Facebook? I think it's because there was so many unresolved relationships.
_________________________
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www.nabbw.com
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#199279 - 02/07/10 08:14 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Dotsie]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
I looked into this a little more, and this is happening more than anyone may think.

This particular relationship ended ugly and Richard has been burden with this guilt. I understood why he felt the need to get in touch. It was the "behind my back" I had a problem with. Plus, the contents I read were not merely an apology. I was hurt by some of those remarks.

Fortunately, and so far, we are starting to do more things together. I couldn't leave her remarks hanging there, I had to respond somehow.

I just hope she is out of our lives for good. I knew her then as well. In fact, I knew her before I knew Richard. She used to work with him as well and she introduced us. She just told me he was someone she worked with. So they had already broken up a couple of months prior. She was very condescending about me in her last email to him.

This is a big mistake for people to do. The grass is never greener on the other side, but by the time anyone realizes, the damage has been done, and there may be no turning back!

Thanks for your feedback on the quote. I wondered if I didn't stir the pot, but on the other hand, it's my right to have a say in this...

Cheers,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#199310 - 02/08/10 11:28 AM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Wisdom&Life]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I was on a friend's Facebook wall last night and saw that she'd wished an old boyfriend a happy birthday. Isn't that funny? Just after reading this post.

Perhaps this is something that will bring you closer together, but I have to say, I would have been ticked off too.
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#199312 - 02/08/10 11:34 AM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Dotsie]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3649
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
I hope things improve for you Cathi.
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http://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/ (How cycling leads to other types of adventures, thoughts)
http://velourbansism.wordpress.com
http://thirdwavecyclingblog.wordpress.com/

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#199326 - 02/08/10 01:41 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: orchid]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Quote:
I was on a friend's Facebook wall last night and saw that she'd wished an old boyfriend a happy birthday. Isn't that funny? Just after reading this post.


It is interesting, and I am friends with a guy I went to the prom with in HS. I told Richard about it and I am very respectful regarding his wife. If she had a page I would try to be her friend too. Plus, this guy and I were never serious and I became closer friends with his family. To this day since my 18th birthday, his mother and father call me to wish me a happy birthday.

Other than that, I do not go looking for anybody I may have been romantic with in the past. Richard was not very receptive when I suggested he have a facebook page. I thought this was a good way for the 3 of us to stay connected together. It hurt me he had to have a facebook in order to find this person and try to mend fences behind my back.

Thanks Dotsie for telling me how you would've felt. It seems like our therapist (now ex-therapist) was on the attack towards me for not moving on. I still haven't received an answer to my question. I wanted to know when this all took place, and then I could probably connect the dots with whatever situation was happening at that time. This way I could understand his frame of mind at that time. I will admit, the emails stopped about a month ago. According to him, she was the same spoiled brat he couldn't stand before. So I guess I could look at this positively, and say, well at least he got that out of his system...

Cheers,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#200232 - 02/27/10 09:02 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Wisdom&Life]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
How is this all working Cathi? Any new developments?
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#200479 - 03/04/10 09:07 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: chatty lady]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Hi Ladies,

Sorry for taking long here. I know some of you are my friends on facebook and it is a good networking site for quick comments. It seems like I have more time for that lately, so I apologize.

Let's see, there have been some interesting developments and I still do not know what to make of it, LOL. First, the ex-girlfriend business. I finally got my answer and I actually understood where Richard was coming from. He said he got in touch with her and said the things that he said because he was looking for compassion. In all fairness, he has had it rough too with our daughter's situation and he even took my dad's death pretty hard too. I was so focused on everyone else's drama's and trauma's... I am not excusing it, but I told him he could've come to me, I would've taken the time. Anyway, not long after that, this ex-girlfriend (who I knew before) contacted me and reassured me she was just glad to hear from him and that he was okay. Then she befriended me on facebook. Then she made sure I wouldn't have a problem with her keeping in touch. I told her I didn't have this problem to begin with. My problem was the "behind my back" and the sneaky, sneaky way he went about it. So that's cleared up, and it has brought Richard and myself closer. Instead of going to New Mexico to visit my friend, we plan on going just the two of us to the Pocono's. There is a resort there with all the amenities and I think it would be good for the both of us to go away for a few days and turn our cell phones off and just relax. We are looking at going in June sometime, and hopefully there will be no more crisis that will pull me away and force to use my leave time.

My daughter is really making some strides and thank God her and Zoey's dad are getting along really good. She is trying to get financial assistance so she can go to school. In the meantime, I have sent her some photography books because I can tell she has a gift for this. Especially when it comes to landscape photography, she really enjoys this.

My mother is doing alright and we did get past the 1st year mark since my dad's passing. I have advised her to keep herself occuppied until she joins him one day. It was the simplest way I could put it.

I guess the biggest step was to just step back and let the chips fall where they may.

Thanks so much for all your encouragement and love here ladies. I don't think I would've made it.

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#200530 - 03/05/10 08:03 PM Re: I can't take it anymore! [Re: Wisdom&Life]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
The love comes right back to you Cathi and it is good to hear there is an upswing in your situation. Thats great!
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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