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#200507 - 03/05/10 04:58 PM Re: Boomerangs [Re: Anne-MarieH]
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
Ann Marie, I think it's amazing how well our kids all seem to manage their lives once they no longer live with us...I have 4 grownup kids and they all do well out there on their own...with meals, laundry, keeping their places clean...then they come home and they turn into messy, needy, hungry 12 year olds again...obviously it's me!! smile I don't mind if they revisit their childish ways as long as they don't stay forever...the truth is..everyone grows up at some point...
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People may not remember exactly what you said or what you did...but they will always remember how you made them feel

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#200517 - 03/05/10 09:15 PM Re: Boomerangs [Re: AvalonBlondi]
DreamrKate Offline
Member

Registered: 10/15/03
Posts: 446
Loc: California
Can I jump in here and commiserate? Only today - small small peeve. Daughter has new boyfriend. Daughter is almost 30. She's going to school and working part time to be a teacher. She HAS lived out on her own but came home a year ago when her interior design job sort of dwindled. Okay, that's all background information. Room is pretty much always messy, laundry is lft in various stages of washer/dryer status. Invites boyfriend over for dinner, THEY watch a movie, I buy, cook, set table, mention that she could get drinks or set the table; I set the table, put everything on the table... I clean up which is okay, I was good with that, but later I mention that I've put everything away so she can do the couple of pans and dry the stuff washed. I get up this morning, she's already gone to work and she didn't do ANYTHING except put a cake pan on the wrong side of the sink so that I have to dig out the cake crap from the drain so that it will in fact DRAIN. I clean the kitchen and the pans before I make husband and my breakfast.

Was I able to convey all the information well without being too slighted in my favor?

And I am not leaving a mess just to prove a point. Her boyfriend would think that I was the slob. No. Any thoughts?

Kate
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#200518 - 03/05/10 09:21 PM Re: Boomerangs [Re: DreamrKate]
Edelweiss3 Offline


Registered: 11/19/08
Posts: 1758
Loc: American living in Germany
Kate, I’ve been where you are now. My son lived with us off and on between jobs. It got worse each time. When I look back, I ask myself why the heck did I put up with that?
Was I feeling sorry for him? Was I avoiding conflict? I don’t know. But it’s 6 years later, and I am at the point where if I were in that situation again, I would tell him, either you abide by my rules and treat your parents and our home with respect or you leave. By the first misdemeanour I would put his suitcases out. And truthfully I would be relieved that I needn’t swallow all that grief.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a great relationship with my son. But live with him? Yikes, no.
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#200519 - 03/05/10 09:36 PM Re: Boomerangs [Re: Edelweiss3]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Kate you do need to have friendly chat with daughter who's approaching mid-life.

Need to lay out objectively what might be good things she could do to help around the house since she is an adult and knows what it means to keep a home decent/livable. Of course, her standards of cleanliness are different but it's not her home.

And leave the mess if she creates it if possible. Otherwise picking up after her, she'll take you for granted.

Other option is if you have an extra basement kitchen with room for her to treat whole area like an apartment where she must look after that space. Otherwise she pays abit of rent to you or buys some groceries for home to share. Latter, would be quite reasonable to ask, Kate. A few groceries aren't that expensive...otherwise she'll take you for granted. It's easy for adult children to slip into baby/child mode.

I will add here: I paid a small token monthy rent to my parents when I lived in a 2nd house that they owned but rented out to tenants. Just after university when I had very little money but was working part-time. Since parents lived in a different city, we (myself and other siblings) were required to fulfill some absentee landlord responsibilities...by maintaning parts of house --garbage, snow removal, cutting lawn, raking leaves, etc. It was a good thing, Kate. Because I lived like that for a few years before...I bought my own home.
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#200527 - 03/06/10 12:54 AM Re: Boomerangs [Re: Anne-MarieH]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
It's funny Anne-Marie how they begin to understand and even appreciate us parents once they are on their own and have to pay for or fix everything by themselves. It is a great learning experience for most of them all, us too at that same age I would imagine.
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#201533 - 03/28/10 10:40 PM Re: Boomerangs [Re: Dotsie]
Anne Holmes Administrator Offline
Boomer in Chief

Registered: 03/12/10
Posts: 3212
Loc: Illinois
Hi Dotsie,

Our son came home to live with us for a couple of months after he'd graduated college and finished an internship. It was tough for us all to accommodate his being there, as he had become an adult and wasn't used to having to tell anyone where he was going, when he might be back, etc.

However, we felt this was something that was the courteous thing to do, since we were all together again.

It worked out fine. He got a job in Florida, and now he's in Georgia. Far, far away, now we never see him except at Christmas...

But I wanted to share a blogsite I just found whose goal is to help parents deal with their 20-something children, boomerang or not.

Here's the link: Parenting 20-Somethings
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#201540 - 03/29/10 12:42 AM Re: Boomerangs [Re: Anne Holmes]
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
I just clicked on and glanced at this link Anne...I am going to dive into it when I have some quiet time to actually be able to absorb the info....presently we have 2 daughters in their 20's back living with us while they try to save some money and get their feet on the ground...while I love my girls it's often hectic and crazy around here...it's not that I am anxious to push them out but at the same time I don't want to be enabling them ..sometimes I feel like I am walking a very thin line ...
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Nancy

People may not remember exactly what you said or what you did...but they will always remember how you made them feel

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