Oh, they notice.

All I know Edelweiss, is that before our separation, I never had any trouble with getting him to nap by himself. This was totally new behavior that appeared after the separation.

Another similar incident happened when their Dad dropped them off at my father's house during the Christmas holiday, where I was waiting to start my celebration with them... (That year he got them for the days up to the 25th, I got them afterward. The plan was that the parent who got them for Christmas was to be traded off annually...)

Driving home that night, I stopped at a family friend's home for several hours, and ended up getting back in the car for the last leg of the trip about 8 PM. As the kids had been playing with old friends all day, I figured they would sleep the whole trip home.

Jen did, but Zach remained alert in his car seat the entire 2.5 hour trip home. Which was great because I stopped at a Hardee's restaurant to use the restroom at one point, and ended up making a wrong turn out of the parking lot - such that I was heading back North he way I'd come, instead of South.

Zach actually alerted me to the error before I got to far -- he saw a McDonald's and hollered out that he wanted to stop. I realized there should NOT be a McDonald's on the highway going home. So I had to thank him profusely for saving me from driving who knows how long in the wrong direction!!

Young kids are smarter than we tend to give them credit for - I think we tend to misjudge them because they're not yet verbal on an adult level -- and they DO know what is going on.

Anne you say
Young kids are smarter than we tend to give them credit for

In the early stages.. nurturing is programmed into an infant.
The hugs the wrapping warmly and as the weeks go by how the baby fits into the birth family..its survival mode

Much damage is done when nurturing is not given...and a baby who does not cry or express their needs may be one whose needs are not being met..and they can give up.

The message is...dont exist...
this is an extreme example I know but I was taught this treatment for the baby can bring mental health issues later..
so medics are alerted for post natal depression happening..

so the child who reaches for reassurance is a smart child.

Thanks for sharing that information, Mountain Ash.

I hadn't thought of it that way, but I know you are correct based on the courses I took in child development while in college.

I'm proud of how both kids turned out. Steve, Bill and I worked hard to co-parent in a positive way. Since we had joint custody during the time Bill was alive, we made sure we talked a couple of times a week to be sure we three parents always knew what was going on in their lives. And, all three of us went together to parent teacher conferences, etc., and we made sure that in spite of Bill's and my differences, we never said negative things about each other in front of the kids.

Probably the hardest day in Steve's and my life was the day we had to tell the kids, then aged 12 and 9, that Bill had died.

It was during the first week of January, and at Christmas time he had been well enough to DRIVE them to visit his parents. So they -- and we -- were taken by surprise at how fast his health deteriorated at the end. (We took them regularly to the hospital to see him but the evening he died we had not brought them, at the request of his nurses, who said he'd had a bad day, but that he'd be better again by the next day.)

Oh my! Let's get this conversation back to the joys of having three grandmas...

There is also a school of thought that the bonds older children make at school with teachers can influence the emotional thoughts of a developing child.which may influence academic achievment.

Mountain Ash, I found your first post really comforting. I have been so worried about my granddaughter. Her heart strings are under a perpetual tug of war. But one thing is for certain, she is loved, and she is nutured...so maybe not all is lost.

I have shared your Grandchild a little bit...and be assured she is a winner.
its the ignored... left alone...made to feel a nusiance little ones who needs extra support.
Later in life if this attatchment stage has not been developed the grown child finds relationships of all kinds difficult..and may even cause the issue to go on to a new generation.

I watched a Grandmother is the waiting room of a hospital this morning..she held...had eye contact and was devoted to a tiny wee baby.This topping up of love...IS so beneficial.
You have shared and done all that and more within your family.
Material goods cant substitute...so its something money cant buy...

MA, I forwarded this information on to my son. I think he will find comfort in it.

Please all, send positive thoughts and prayers that the best decision will be made for our little grandchild. I can't see in the future. I hate the thought that she may grow up without her mother, but the mother leaves my son no choice. either he wins custody or he loses his child completely.

I suppose insecurity surfaces in many different forms.

"Give me the child until he/she is seven and I will give you the man/woman"

childhood is so brief...with so much importance.
EW you gave A. so much and will continue to do do..look at her face...she is fine