Edelweiss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your whole family in this situation.

I remember how I felt when I figured out that my first marriage was not going to be able to be saved, and through recalling those feelings, my heart aches for your son.

I made sure that we had joint custody so that my kids could grow up knowing both parents. But that DID mean I had to pass on a couple of great jobs that would have required me to leave the community we had been living in. To put it mildly, that was very hard.

But, to use the phrase I have recently learned, I knew that I had to "put on my big girl panties" and give up on the out-of-state jobs because my children's OVERALL welfare was SOOO MUCH more important to me than was my short term financial security.

I pray that your DIL figures this out as well.

Thank you Anne. I pray that she will figure it out too.

I tried to respond to this thread a few days ago, but the connection here in the campground comes and goes. My reply
disappeared with the wind. MA said give her a child til they're
7 and she'll show you the resulting adult. I think she's right!

Give me a child until he is seven...
.. and I will show you the man.


That maxim is attributed to the Jesuits, and some say it was specifically attributed to the founder of the Jesuits, Ignatius Loyola.

MA
For what it's worth, I agree with the Loyola wisdom!

What is the situation now, Edelweiss re your granddaughter?

With best wishes. I think of course, she benefits from knowing 2 birth parents, unless a parent is physically abusive.

The reality is that the child is noticeably part black, and in my opinion, I would not believe complete cut off is beneficial at all. I think she will miss a segment of her self-identity when she gets into her teens and later.

I'm saying this since my sister has died last year, her (biracial) children have joined in some family events with my family here and there. I think it's very important ...even when the children are now adults.

I am so glad we know well, niece and nephew from babyhood onward.