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#179964 - 04/11/09 12:25 PM At what age did you first marry?
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
How old were you when you first married?

I know many of us are remarried and some of us are still married to our first partner, or with our first S.O.

I was 22 when I first married and it was a forced marriage more or less. I was date raped and pregnant. I was married for exactly 8 months and then was counciled by my church and divorced from an abusive man, very abusive.. There were no date rape laws on the books in the day and it was horrifying for me. I was too young and terrified to say anything about what happened until the new law went into effect.

It damaged me terribly when I was young but with therapy, I recovered and found happiness. We can all recover. I have a good relationship with my son from that awful experience.

How old were you?

Dancer9


Edited by dancer9 (04/11/09 04:05 PM)
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#179979 - 04/11/09 04:04 PM Re: At what age did you first marry? [Re: ]
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
Thank you, Anne. It was simply horrific. I can't believe that there were no laws about what happened too. If you went out with a man and he raped you, there was no case!

I was afraid NOT to marry him and I had no support not to from my Catholic family. I had to work my way out of it as soon as I could. Thank God for dance and MGM who gave me a contract he didn't want me to decline because it was so lucrative. That contract got me away from him.


Thank you again

Dancer
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#179991 - 04/11/09 05:46 PM Re: At what age did you first marry? [Re: ]
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
Anne, I know so many single men working at the VA hospital and some of them are fine catches. Most of them are not full career vets and have lives that have been quality and good.

Now, how to ship the list to you!

Dancer
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#180063 - 04/12/09 09:29 PM Re: At what age did you first marry? [Re: dancer9]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2559
Loc: Alabama
Good grief Dancer...I can't imagine what that must have been like for you...for you to eventually move on from all that takes a strong woman. You said you were pregnant...does your child know how he/she was conceived? Do you still have contact with his/her father? My goodness...I am horrified. Bless your heart.
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#180066 - 04/12/09 10:34 PM Re: At what age did you first marry? [Re: Dee]
Di Offline
Member

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2784
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
I was 27, still too young. Last/final marriage....39. Just right if it were the first marriage for the both of us. Definitely some challenges ensued....but would not trade him for anyone elses!

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#180119 - 04/13/09 08:00 PM Re: At what age did you first marry? [Re: Di]
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
Thank you, Dee. Yes, my son knows what happened. I did not see the father again and when I shared my son with him someone picked him up for me and brought him to me and the same to drop him off. There had to be someone to do that the whole time.

My son knows his father is abusive. He is successful and I'm so pleased that his life was not ruined by his father but it wasn't easy going for him with his father. He ran away from his home in his early teens, for example. He is not close to him at all now that he is an adult and married himself. He could not be different from his father in so many ways.

I ended up having to be honest with him to explain the happenings when he was young. He has a degree in psychology. I think this helped him understand what happened. I got lucky, very lucky, with him and with my second son whose father I am very close to and get along great with. I was very careful before having a second child because of what happened to me.

It took a LOT of therapy for me to be okay, I'll be honest about it. I had a lot of anger treatment and dealt with so many issues to get through it. I raised my children pretty much with the advise of a therapist because of the trauma that caused me.

I live in the same city as this man and I never can get justice for what he did. He even admitted doing it! He claims it was legal then and leaves it at that! I am close with members of his family who do not stay in contact with him because of his violent nature.

Again, I was lucky and yes, I guess I was strong. I was raised to be very strong. I had some good lessons taught to me young.

Thanks again,

Dancer
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#180147 - 04/14/09 11:21 AM Re: At what age did you first marry? [Re: dancer9]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Dancer, you were one of the blessed ones who had a contract that allowed you to escape. Thank God! You must have much on the ball to walk away with a baby at such a young age. Three cheers for dancer!

It doesn't sound like your fmaily was your support system, so did you have supportive dancing friends? How did you manage a contract and a baby.

I'm grateful the laws have changed. Again, thanks to our generation!

dancer, are any of the men on Facebook or the dating sites so Anne could get a peek from a distance?

I was married at 21. I was so very young, but head over heels in love. I had no idea what the future held, but I never doubted that we would be together forever. I lucked out. Not that I beleive in luck so I guess I'm blessed in the marriage department.
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#180184 - 04/14/09 06:09 PM Re: At what age did you first marry? [Re: Dotsie]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I turned 17 on June 26th and was married the following April 1959 at age 18. Had my first child at age 21. I LOVED being married and was really good at it.
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#180268 - 04/15/09 04:44 PM Re: At what age did you first marry? [Re: chatty lady]
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
Young for both Dotsie and Chatty! Both successful too!

Dotsie, I had been on stage, on television, etc... since the age of 5 so yes, I had friends in the business and already had an agent. My parents wanted me to give the baby to his family and take the contract. They wanted me to forget what happened to me and my child and move on.

They were snobs, they are very wealthy and felt he was unworthy so far as a family for me to marry into. They did not know what happened to me at the time and so wanted me to marry and then divorce him or have the marriage annulled if possible to move on with my career.

They cut me off for a time to try to get me to leave my son. They refused to financially help me keep him. At one point my mother wanted her trustee to buy me a home and help me keep my son but the trustee overruled her thanks to my father and they did cut me off with regard to him.

They were trying to force me to take the contract and move to L.A. leaving my son behind never to look back.

I defied them and used my own money to hire an attorney and work it out so I could keep my son. There was no way I could have left my baby but they were like that: They saw no reason why I should "mix," with middle class people like they were and they didn't even know I was date raped at the time because if I had told there would have been violence. I was afraid of what my father would have done and was too kind to know he deserved anything my father dished out.

by the time all of it came out it was taken care of by myself and therapists and attorneys.

I was a hard worker and thank God, I was raised right because I did it all myself without ever doubting a thing I was doing. I didn't have the luck, I had the guts. The luck came from the wondeful son I had, he was and is a gift from God.

Dancer
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#180281 - 04/15/09 06:42 PM Re: At what age did you first marry? [Re: dancer9]
Anno Offline
Member

Registered: 09/15/05
Posts: 4434
Loc: Minneapolis Minnesota
I have never been married. The idea has never interested me. I know that is odd, but it is me.

The first time I was fully dedicated to a man, however, was at age 19. I would have turned the moon into the sun, if I could have, for a man that had absolutely no interest in doing the same for me.

It wasn't until I was in my late 40's that I met the man of my life. I'd marry him in a flash, but neither of us care anymore.
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