Friendship is so valuable that it should never be a habit..a good friend listens to you...as you do for them.
They care for our "sore bits" whether medical and spiritual.If someone is a negative person they have a less enriched life.Small kindness are a balm...and doing a kindness an honour so its how we live our days in our exchanges with friends or strangers.People are valuable..as you are Rachel...you deserve true friendship .

, I've been sober 5 years but the friendship is still over and has left a major hole in my heart.

That last one was the end of one that got lost.
I had a best friend from 14 years old until my drinking started. After my first relapse she cut off all communication until I could stay sober. She looked at it as tough love, to me it felt like abandonment when I needed her most. The sad end to the story is I'm 5 years sober and missing my best friend every day.

Could you let her know that your circumstances are changed?I have a card with a cartoon saying
"How are you ..been missing you"I am sure there will be similar cards where you live.
perhaps trying to catch up will let your friend reflect.People act from deep rooted early learned beliefs at times and on reflection have a different standpoint.You sound that you have genuine regret at this loss and by expressing this your friend has a chance to make amends..then start anew...no looking back when you meet.
Good luck if you do contact your friend.

Greene, I can relate. I've battled depression most of my life. It's mostly been low-grade (the offical diagnosis is "dysthemia"), and I've learned to mask it to some extent. But there have been periods when I've spiralled into full-blown clinical depression, including hospitalization for several months about 30 years ago. Everytime I had one of these spirals, I lost almost all of my "friends". Most never came back into my life other than superficially.

Up until recently, I had 3 beautiful faithful friends who had stuck by me through thick and thin for over 30 years. Then I lost two of them just in the past year for reasons I'm not at liberty to explain (but it wasn't my fault, other than choosing one side over another in the situation). That really hurt, even though I understand very well the "why" of it. Only one of those friends remains, and he's known me for over close to 40 years now, so I'm grateful he's still in my life.

It's sad, regretful and I miss those friends more than words can say. But at the time, I didn't feel able to make any other choice, and that was the cost of following my heart instead of the "shoulds".

Eagle...your words

that was the cost of following my heart instead of the "shoulds".

following our hearts is being true to ourselves and does come at a price..from that price we learn so much...among all the other things we earn to be compassionate to ourselves..that is healing.

Greene.
I take risks if I feel in my heart that the gain is worthwhile against the risk...if it then does not work out I can and do move on...unresolved cares deserve a chance..the friendship you had will be different due to the split but enough to build on if its what you both want when a door is opened.

Over my lifetime, friends have appeared and disappeared. To have a true friend is priceless. I believe that people enter our lives for a purpose, and when that purpose is fulfilled, they and we move on. There are some lifelong friends who will be there no matter what, but I think they are a rarity.

I agree with you 100% Yonuh. I lost most of my best friends when moving away from home and have never made any quite as close as we all were growing up. I miss my best friend who passed away too young.

Dear RachdGrm... It is sad when a long time friendship drifts apart. I'm sure your years of friendship were valuable on some level. However, people come and go in our lives; so on a positive note, I look forward to the wonderful people I yet will meet and wonder what will I learn from them. There's always room for a new friend.

I agree Lindasusan...
during my week at the coast I enjoyed the company of people who shared my love of a beautiful place...shared their village..and I am enriched by this..will keep links up and love doing so.