People spin truth to pad their own wishes, no matter what.
Everybody within a fractured family atmosphere gets hurt: There are no winners when divorce rips a foundation out from under the homestead.
So true, Jabber, and yet we still continue to build up families and then fracture them with our actions. I don't know what the ultimate solution to this might be.
The concept of "trial marriages"
where couples live together without the commitment of marriage has certainly been floated and tried. But I still don't think it's the same as marriage. And I don't know where children fit into such a scenario.
When I ponder this, of course, I am doing so based on my personal experiences:
In all honesty, I married my first husband because I was in lust and wanted to live with him, but knew my parents would never let me come home again if they found out I was "living in sin."
At the altar, when the minister said "'til death do you part..."
I mentally freaked out. But I kept my cool and proceeded with the wedding because I couldn't imagine doing a "Runaway Bride" routine. Too embarrassing.
Then my ex and I settled into a routine, and things were pretty darn good for the first several years. We both worked and we didn't have our first child until 5 years later. If you'd have asked me then, I would have said we had a very successful marriage.
Things began to fall apart (ie: my ex began publicly drinking to excess and secretly cheating on me) after the first baby came, though I totally didn't see it.
The wheels really fell off the wagon when I got pregnant the second time. Especially when the docs said the pregnancy was dangerous and that I should not have any more children. (Or if I did, I might die). Seems my ex really wanted to father more babies...though he didn't tell me this at the time.
So a trial marriage wouldn't have kept me from that divorce, as I see it. The divorce happened after 10 years and 2 children. And it happened to a marriage that had seemed quite successful until the -- very much desired -- children came along.
Other thoughts I've had: Maybe
there was less divorce in pioneer days because life was so challenging people had to band together to survive, and perhaps they were just too tired to fight or stray... Maybe
there is more divorce now because we live longer and the opportunity to cheat probably presents itself more easily. Maybe
we need to teach "how to have a successful marriage" in all high schools. We don't do that, of course. But it seems to me that the classes some kids take, where they have to simulate parenting a child DO go a long way toward reducing teen pregnancies.
So who else has thoughts on how we can either justify divorce to young children? Or -- better yet -- how we can keep bad marriages from happening in the first place... Then we wouldn't have to justify any divorces to our young children.
Which, of course, is where this whole discussion first began.