This time of year can bring on a lot of stress. What are some things you do to help relieve stress around the holidays?

Eat Oreo's....lots and lots of Oreo's.

Hey, you knew it was coming, didn't you?

...it's what I do...teehee...

Okay, okay...here's a couple of tips.

1) Buy a gift a month, ALL YEAR LONG. Then you have at least 12 gifts bought in advance.

2) Shop in the off hours. Like do Wal-mart at 11:00 p.m. instead of prime times during the day.

JJ

During the holidays --

Remember ...

It's an invitation not an obligation.

We don't have to go to every party that we're invited to nor do we have to do everything that we think we have to do. The world won't come to an end if I don't send Christmas cards this year.

Now that my girls are teenagers, I don't even think about Christmas until after Turkey Day.
My family has eliminated all of the gift-giving between the adult cousins. My girlfriends and I don't exchange gifts. I don't enjoy cooking so I don't bake cookies.

So, what do I do instead?
We go to music concerts. We gather with neighbors for the lighting of the neighborhood tree. We hang out in front of our fireplace. We watch It's a Wonderful Life as a family on Christmas Eve.

I still remember one Christmas Day when my girls were toddlers and we tried to please everybody but ourselves by going to 5 Open Houses. By the end of the day. my younger daughter was sick and the rest of us were dead-tired. I learned something that year. The next year, we politely declined invitations and we were all happier.

I agree that Misfire has the right idea. I have cut down drastically on parties, christmas cards, presents and just about everything else. I do go to the Nursing home with a sack full of little gifts I have picked up during the year and usually take ten dozen cookies (I buy) not bake. I will visit my sons place and celebrate Christmas dinner. Christmas Eve is mine and my pets time, to eat anything our hearts desires, curl up on the sofa with It's a Wonderful Life and The Grinch and Christmas vacation movies. I spend quiet time and just enjoy the tree lights and smells of fresh baking etc. I go to bed to get up early and head for Davids house, with my home-made dressing....

I love our attitudes.. does it come with a maturity? I think so.. we learn what is most important to us.

Simplicity is Queen.

I love this quote from Dr. Seuss --

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

So ... if I don't send Christmas cards this year or I don't bake cookies or I don't buy gifts for the world, or ... well the world won't come to an end ... I'll be calmer and happier ... and, as a result, my family will be happier.

I think these changes in attitudes (hey, that's a good title for a song!) come from "experience" and not from age. After all, people can get older and never really learn anything from their experiences. Oh ... and ... therapy helps a lot too.

All of this sounds great, but when it comes to my favorite time of the year I have a hard time cutting back. It's not what others expect, it's what I expect of myself. I expect too much this time of year. Fortunately, Ross is a big help, but I'm thinking the kids could be more helpful with holiday chores. Hmm, not there's a thought. Delegate!

It reminds me of the time I had my son and his girlfriend help with baking. They made some appetizer with sausage and left out the Bisquick.

We can get the kids to wrap, shop, bake, decorate, clean, etc., etc. How's that for an idea?

Dotsie, thats too funny but its a good thing to deligate...you just have to remember to observe. Let them do the work but you be the foreman...

I have no advice other than to shop online and have the gifts delivered.

My wish is to celebrate a weekend early then leave immediately for Florida!

Gift certificates for everyone.

Waffle House is open on Christmas Day and the people are friendly. Food's a little greasy, but who cares.

No mess. No stress.

Every year no matter how much I try NOT, I about have a break down before Christmas. However, some of the most joyous Christmases I can ever remember seem to be right in the middle of some of the most stressful times of my life.

I think it is all related to my endorphin rush theory. Like I've written on here before, science has established that endorphins are produced by our brains in response to various stimuli including relief of serious stress and endorphins produce euphoria which feels like joy.
So I suppose some of the joy of those terrific Christmases I remember might have come from the stress finally being over. ??

Anyway, that's my new excuse for giving up on avoiding stress durig the holidays. Trying to avoid it only seemed to create more stress anyway. So this year I'm just going with the flo. If it's stressful, I'm just going to get STRESSED and everyone better get OUT OF MY WAY!!!

So There!!
smile

Well anyay, it's a concept.

Dotsie,
I guess it's easier for me to tone down the holiday chores because the November-December holidays are not my favorite time of the year.

As we approach Christmas, we lose more and more daylight. Would you all believe that I actually write "Shortest Day" on December 21st? It always brings a smile to my face knowing that the days are getting longer again.

I've learned that I like the "one day" holidays -- Valentine's Day, Halloween, 4th of July, Easter. There are fewer expectations associated with these "lesser" holidays, so it's easy for me to enjoy them.

I buy about five Christmas cards for the people I know it will mean a lot to. I don't bother sending out the bulk cards anymore. It's a waste of time, money and energy better spent on family. When I owned my business in a mall, I saw what Christmas did to people and it wasn't pretty. We've maxed out the stress of a holiday that shouldn't be stressful.

My 33-year old daughter is trying to guilt trip me because David and I are going to Paris for Christmas to see my sister and her husband. I told her to save that guilt trip for her husband when she gets married! I think I've earned the right, if nothing more than aging, to go where I want, when I want and with whom I want!

Dotsie,
We have spent the Holidays with both sides of the family. One year our son made some comment and we decided to stay home enjoy the day. Its less stress.
Sometimes we buy the turkey, cook it with all the trimmings. Other times we buy a boxed meal at the local market. In doing the math its less expensive and less mess.
Friends can drop by if they like. The guys watch football and I am usually working on crafts.
We also play games and there's a puzzle on the card table. We attend a Church service Thanksgiving Eve.
Like Misfire I look forward to longer,warmer days.
Thanks,
Maggie

Dianne,
As the kids say, I totally agree with you. I too feel like I have the right to go where I want, when I want, and with whom I want. Why should I try to pretend to be someone I'm not?

I send Christmas cards almost every year. I'm seriously thinking of ditching them this year and spending the $ on manicures for my daughters and me instead. Sounds like a wonderfully "selfish" idea!

I am pretty traditional and I like Christmas cards. However, last year, to save on the postage, etc. I sent postcards. I made them on the puter and the postage was only (I think) 27 cents. It was a good compromise for us. Oh and also, I have cut the list down termendously over the years. I only send cards when I get one! LOL! I keep them ready and each day I reply to those I receive. This way I figure I am sending to those who really care to correspond this way. Just an idea!

The holidays.
It has bothered me for years that my sister has referred to THANKSGIVING AS "turkey day". I'm not judging anyone else but, in my sisters case she has lost sight of the idea of giving thanks.

As for christmas. I try to focus on the real meaning of Christmas. Not "X-Mas" To me christmas is a time for family. A time to re-evaluate what is important in my life. I avoid at all costs the commercilazation of christmas.
I think giving gifts to children is great, but racking up debt for the sake of gift buying is just wrong,(my opinion). One nifty thing to do is give to a needy family and let the adult relatives know that that is how you chose to budget your christmas money.
As for all the stress. I try to live up to my own expectations of me and not the expectations of others.

God bless.

With all the commercialism, I think many of us (general sense) have forgotten the true meaning of the season. The spirit of Santa Claus shines greater during this time of year than at any other time, and we should open ourselves up to it. Giving to others less fortunate, helping those in need, and loving everyone. That's what we need to remember.

I know I'm preaching to the choir here with my boomer friends. You all are so giving and wonderful.

I've learned that no matter how much you spend on gifts, they are not necesarily what the receiver wants.

At times it's just too stressful to get "the perfect gift", which most likely will end up not being used at all .

As to invitations and compromises, I cut down on most.

But for me, the official cook in the family, this time (this year) I am about to go out on a strike . Not because I don't want to cook-I love cooking when I know others will enjoy it, but I am in great need of down time.

My extended family is hoping I get to do some of our traditional puertorrican dishes and I am just sooo tired, and will have no help, that I am about to not do anything at all !

I just feel bad for my kids, cause they are used to the best cooking for family get-togethers. But I need to go with something simpler this time (if I want to keep my sanity )

Since I won't be here for Christmas, I decided to not decorate the house. No tree, no lights, nothing. I'm sure we look like the Resident Jews of the block! I asked my daughter if she wanted to put up the tree and she said no. We were both thinking about the pain of taking it down again! Really and truly, it lessened the stress. I'm having my daughter's girlfriend over Monday night and we're celebrating an early Christmas for my kid. Dinner French style. A lot of fun. I did it last year.

Forever I have stressed my brain to find the absolutely perfect gift for everyone and then stressed the budget to pay for it. I always wanted to get something that everyone would not only love, but use. Usually something they had mentioned wanting.
Last year I was especially stressed because I was buying for my new in-laws who I hardly knew.
When I prayed about it I thought about the tradition of gift giving which comes from the first Christmas when the kings brought gifts of gold, incense and myrhh to the baby Jesus. What baby cares about gold? And Incense and myrhh are embalming scents. What baby would ever want embalming scents?
Of course the best of the tradition celebrates the greatest gift of all, God's gift of His son. But who would really want a crying,squirming baby in their Christmas sock?
They say giving is for the giver. Well, I decided to follow that concept. Now I buy people things that I like and want them to have. I get a more joy from it and I think they do too. It's not near the stress.
smile

Sounds like a great plan, Dianne.

A Christmas centerpiece arrangement for your dinner table would be all you'd need. And makes a great take home gift for your daughter or her friend.

Have a wonderful trip by the way.

This is a great thread and has me thinking different this year. Last year my 3 grown kids had a huge fallout. Still do. I suffered through the holidays terribly. Not this year. I've a renewed attitude.
I hate cooking since I've gotten older, don't need all the baked goodies anyway. I've always hated sending out cards so this year, I'll eliminate them. I only really write a note to a few anyway. With email and cell phones now, it might be nicer to spend the money on a call to them. I know I'd enjoy that better.
As far as gifts go, I've already informed my kids to not give us gifts this year. We don't really NEED anything. I've asked them to give to charity if they feel the need to give. Or better yet, give of their time to someone in need.
I have 7 grandchildren and will buy for them. I enjoy that.
You all had such good replies and seem to be a caring group. I've just joined today and think I'm going to like it here. Thanks for letting me vent.
Julie

Hey Songbird, this might not be an idea that will work for you but I am going to throw it out there anyway...what if you invited everyone over earlier, hand each person an slip of paper (you could roll them up with ribbon or something) with an item they are responsible to prepare, you could put several children on one item maybe, or they could pick slips of paper with item on it out of a hat or something, anyway then you become the supervisor and just give everyone pointers (you don't actually prepare anything, let them do it). At first they may not like it but once they get into it, it will be a meal and family time to remember. It works for our family.

mellody, I love covered dish dinners. It's fun to enjoy the recipes of others. Then I ask for the recipes! So much fun.

bichon, what do any of us NEED? Urg. I really wish I could get away with buying less for Christmas. It's so hard though because Christams was always huge in my husband's and my childhood homes. Now I'm afraid we've passed it on to another generation.

We have always kept Christmas simple and stress free.

From the begining, we only allowed our children to ask for two presents. One from Santa, and one from mom and dad. They had to really decide what they wanted. WE then would decide what else they needed or what WE wanted to give them beyond their two wishes.

We have traveled only once during Christmas, and it was a huge disappointment. To me it is MY family time, and I protect it dearly.

We have an "older" friend who does not have family - who comes and spends Christmas eve and Christmas with us. We've adopted her, so she is like family. Her birthday is actually on Christmas day. lol She is the most wonderful person - non-assuming, non-judgemental, helpful, and just a joy to have in our home.

The only thing that I dislike about Christmas is that I loooveee to give gifts, and often money is still tight around the holidays. If I could wave a magic wand around Novemeber, 5,000 would appear in my bank account, and I would be able to buy thoughtful, personalized gifts for everyone I know and love! (that would include all the boomer, of course!)

My family gets new Christmas "jammies" christmas eve, and we give them an ornamat every year that somehow represents the year. I tried a couple of years back to stop the "jammie" tradition, and my daughter had a fit. At 14 she still wanted to continue the tradition. How funny!

I make one type of Cookies that my children love - they are peanutbutter with a choc. hidden inside. They are scrumptious!

Anywho..that's my take on Christmas. I keep it simple.

danita

Danita, your Christmas sounds so lovely. Christmas was always such a special time in our house...we were all convinced that Mom was the reincarnation of Santa Claus, not just at Christmas but all year round. But her Christmases were phenomenal all the way around.

That was one of the most difficult losses when Dad and Mom died. Our Christmases. They'll never be the same. But our house became the new Christmas central, not just for my family, but for hubby's family as well. It wasn't an honour I particularly wanted, being so introverted and easily stressed. But it is what it is, and now we have double the family sitting at the table that we had when Mom and Dad were alive! In fact, it's become so big that we have to have a second Christmas on the 27th for my brother and two nieces.

So we've spent the last four Christmases trying to create our own special celebrations, taking what we most loved from Mom's traditions and combining them with what we want Christmas to be (i.e., less gift-oriented), plus trying to incorporate some of the traditions on hubby's French side (which are completely different from my family's!) What ends up happening every year, despite my best efforts to gentle it down, is that the 25th is an overwhelmingly hectic mish-mash of traditions that don't always blend well, while the 27th is a much gentler, more enjoyable second chance to celebrate!

It hasn't been easy, and I admit that what used to be such a cherished family celebration has turned into a day that I dread. But I keep persevering, trying to relax and make it the day that I want it to be - while not disappointing the varied assortment of house and dinner guests. It helps to remember that we have that second Christmas on the 27th...I always enjoy that one more and consider that to be my REAL Christmas now.

For years, Christmas was the most stressful time of the year for our family. My m-i-l always had unreasonable expectations of a picture-book family Christmas. WHen this never seemed to happen -- NOTHING ever lives up to her expectations -- she did her level best to make everyone else miserable. For years we suffered through the family squbbles and some really ugly scenes.

Two years ago I said, "Enough already." So my husband and son and I packed up and went to visit my daughter in NY, our excuse being that she couldn't come home because of her work schedule. It was the best holiday we'd had in years, although admittedly a little strange. On Christmas morning we had a late breakfast at what seemed to be the only diner open on Long Island. Then we went to the movies, because the kids wanted to do that. Our dinner was take-out Chinese, because the kids had planned to cook for us but forgot to go food shopping. Oh, well, that was what they said, anyway.

We had such a good time we decided to do it again the next year. Unfortunately, we spent that Christmas running between my husband's hospital bed and my mother's. We could only celebrate after we knew both of them were going to be all right, which wasn't until long after the holidays were over.

This year, God willing, the 4 of us will be together in NY again. Chuck's family accepts this, although I don't think they have a clue why we don't want to be with them.

As for cards, I send some. But I've cut way back. We have a couple of Christmas parties we go to every year that we really enjoy.

For years the holidays were one of the biggest stressors in my life. It feels wonderful that they no longer are.

In my family of origin, we were very cut off from other people because of my father's alcoholism. Outsiders were not allowed in because they might find out the truth - heaven forbid! Thanksgiving has turned out to the my day to host the family and I also include all my close friends. I mainly want to be inclusive of others and have a time when I can cook for days and treat them a wonderful meal. My Thanksgiving dinner is either the Sunday before or after the traditional day. That way everyone can come and not have to go anywhere else that day. Due to divorce, my son's family has to go to 4 different places to celebrate.


Daisygirl

We generally go to Thanksgiving at my Mom's. This year my kids are coming in from NY, and my brother and his wife and youngest son will be flying in from CA, picking up their eldest son who's in college in MA and joining us for dinner. Mom's been cooking, baking and freezing for weeks now. There's going to be enough food to feed an army.

This will be the first Thanksgiving in 4 years that nobody has been seriously ill and all of us will be together. We have so much to be thankful for we won't know where to start.

I can't wait!

We are going on a cruise Thanksgiving week -- just the two of us, and no cooking. My son and his girlfriend are going to cook a turkey together for the first time. Our families are (at least) 1,000 miles away and a holiday spent with them is a rare thing. We prefer to visit them when it is NOT the holidays, and everyone has more time to visit instead of being preoccupied with entertaining and gift giving. For Christmas, we send each household a package of locally made goodies from wherever we are living. This year it will be jams and jellies from a local farm/country store, which were a big hit last year.

My holiday destressors:

First, a good girlfriend and I are going by our lonesomes to a fabulous restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner. And a walk afterwards. We're passing up on the family gatherings and all the bickering and overeating.

Second, the day after Christmas, my adult daughter and I are taking off for 5 days in Las Vegas. Got a budget motel and saved the big bucks to see Celine Dion and the Cirque de Soleil "KA" show. We'll walk the strip (NO...not that way!!!), window shop, gamble our $20 away, and enjoy good restaurants.

Third, I'm not going to try to wangle an invite from the son who speaks, then doesn't speak. No need to invite heartache. Will just send gifts to the grandsons.

Fourth, I'm participating in a marvelous holiday musical at our church...Victorian period costumes, good friends, rehearsing 4 days a week for 2 months to get it down...just a wonderful, warm fuzzy...and sore feet from all that dancing.

Fifth, have a first date with a fabulous Englishman this Saturday...but not putting ANY eggs in that basket until I see how it turns out.

Dr. Karen,

This is the 5th(?) time you've mentioned your upcoming date and so far no one seems to have commented!

I can see how excited you are, but also trying to be cautious.

Either the chemistry will be there or it won't.
Either he'll be what you're expecting, or he won't.

Your rational mind has already told you to be careful and not have too high expectations. I'm tellin' ya -- go out and have a great time! Even if he isn't Mr. Perfect, that doesn't mean you should be so disappointed that the date will be ruined. You obviously have a lot in common, so appreciate whatever goodness comes of this, regardless of future outcome.

Enjoy.

Meredith, I'm glad you spoke up. I crawled into bed late last night and while lying there, realized that I hadn't responded.

Dr. Karen, I apologize for not responding sooner. I too am excited for you and hope your date tomorrow exceeds your expectations and turns out to be a very enjoyable experience. I for one will be waiting with baited breath (where did that phrase come from anyway...reminds me of a fish waiting to be caught) to hear how it went.

Thanks Meredith and Sharon, Fifth time?? I MUST be "obsessing" (I didn't write my novel on that topic for nothin'!). I've done this first date thing dozens of time since starting the internet dating. But this one seems super special. The kind of man you would never expect to find online. Or if you do, he would already be well taken. Yeah, "baited breath", where in the world did that come from? I just found out! And it's originally "bated". Go to: http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-bai1.htm

So I try not to fantasize ahead of time. Or even think too much about it at all. I've had the experience before of the person evaporating before the scheduled "meet". This dating thing at this age ain't for sissies.

And thanks for getting up in the middle of the night (or staying up?) to respond. You're better women than me, Gunga Din(s). Karen

Karen
I agree with Meredith, just go and have fun. You are not making a lifetime commitment, you're just meeting a guy.

Give the guy a break. He might be nervous too. If there is NO chemistry, maybe he will be a new friend. And if he's really weird, at least it will be a funny story.

But be sure not to take any chances. Don't let him know where you live or give out any information with which he might track you down at least until you know him better.

We'll all be hoping for a wonderful meeting and that you have a great time.
smile

Hi All, Well, finally met the "fabulous Englishman" after two misses. Had a cup of coffee, looked into his dreamy eyes (much better looking than his photo), he held my hand, blah, blah, HE said we HAD to reconnect, promised to call the next day...and haven't heard from him since. You just don't know with these guys. This one came on really strong. BUT...another much less flashy gentleman wrote and we may have a nice hike this weekend. I think I prefer mediocre and attentive over fabulous and disappearing. Best news doesn't involve men at all (does it ever??)...my novel has hit Amazon and BookSurge.com and is now available for order on my website too. I'm so jazzed.

Doc, do you think some men are intimidated by your success and intelligence? Many men are by our strength, too.

I'm glad you didn't take it personally. Dating these days is not for sissies.

Daisygirl

At least he didn't have his jammies in his pocket. Did he????

Yea Karen! The book is much more important than the men!

P.S. I just ordered your book and can't wait to read it.

Thanks for the order, Diane. My initial shipment is on the way and as soon as it arrives your copy will be on its way to you. I not only have the book to focus on but I'm working up a marketing plan and materials to become part of Dotsie's NABBW, which I think is great. BTW, Mr. Nonflashy hasn't called either. But I'll give him a couple of more days.