Dianne, I know a woman who want's diagnosed with bipolar unti a few years before she died. I recall speaking with her and she was so happy to have an explanation for the way she acted her entire life. She was grateful for the diagnosis and took her medicine faithfully. Prior to that diagnosis she was always treaded for depression and while those drugs helped they didn't do the trick that the Lithium did.

Drugs frighten me, but we have to look at the quality of a person's life to determine if they are necessary.

here are some more good sites

www.bipolarworld.com

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm

http://www.dbsalliance.org/

http://bipolar.about.com/

http://www.bipolarhome.org/

all really good sites with lots of great information for those who have BP and family and friends of those with BP.

I'm grateful for all these posts. My mother and daughter both have bipolar disorder and, after fighting lifelong depression/anxiety with therapy and antidepressants, I was finally diagnosed myself about a year ago.

It explained a lot. My relatives who suffered had "mean streaks," acting out, etc. I was always "good," determined not to follow that path, and blessed to know God and be surrounded by a loving circle of friends. But the wide fluctuations in energy and mood plagued me all my life. The sleep deprivation alone kept me miserable.

I was fortunate. I never got involved in drugs or alcohol, never got in trouble or lost a job. But the inner struggle to maintain equilibrium, the constant effort to monitor my behavior and contain my anxiety was draining.

I'm a psychotherapist, pretty gifted in sensing out the source of other people's pain. I never could figure out why I couldn't find relief myself.

Then my daughter was diagnosed after 10 years of struggling. She took her first dose of mood stabilizer, and said, "Mom. I feel like I'm in my body for the first time in my life." She still struggles, but she's a fine, gifted person. She feels like she has a chance at life now.

When I wrote my book, Watercolor Bedroom: Creating a Soulful Midlife (featured in these forums), I had just come to accept my daughter's illness. I had gleaned all sorts of wisdom from my own search for wholeness. But about the time the book was published, I consulted a doctor myself. I thought I had ADHD and depression. After about an hour of pointed questions, the MD said, "I think you have low-spectrum bipolar disorder." Something clicked into place.

It hasn't been easy. There are lots of medications out there, and it takes awhile to find the right ones. It also takes self-knowledge, the loving support of a spouse (my husband is great), and a healthy circle of friends. I was blessed to have all that in place, and I had learned a great deal about myself from the years of spiritual searching.

Vicki, I appreciate your sharing from the perspective of a person with the illness. It's hell for family members (I thought I'd die of fear for my daughter when she was totally out of control) It's a tricky disease that interferes with development and learning, often causing the character problems/tendency toward manipulation, etc., that have been mentioned here. But it's absolutely baffling for the person with the disease. The tendency to self-judge is overwhelming. The stigma of the culture--even among mental health professionals--is shameful and shaming.

It's a disease with a heavy genetic component. If you or your spouse has it, watch for signs in your children. If your parents or children have it, watch for it in yourself. Years of suffering can be avoided with proper diagnosis and treatment.

Daphne, thanks for sharing. I'm glad you've accepted your diagnosis and are doing all you can to care for yourself. Also thankful for your family and friends who seem so loving.

From what I understand, accepting the diagnosis and treatment is the beginning of living a more comfortable lifestyle.

I pray you and your daughter continue to do well.

Have you been to Julie Fast's site? www.bipolarhappens.com

Daphne: I sent you a private message.

Thanks, Dotsie. Mental illness is like any other chronic disease--it's simply a challenge to take responsibility for ourselves and to be as well and whole as possible.

Brain diseases--depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar illness, schizophrenia, and even ADHD--are physical differences in the way the brain is wired. Families can support and encourage us (as they can with physiological illnesses like heart disease)--but family members can't take responsibility for their loved ones' behavior or their health.

For those with a family member struggling with mental illness, I suggest a book by Rebecca Woolis: When Someone You Love Has a Mental Illness. It's a great guide to understanding the particulars of different disorders, and a handbook for setting boundaries and establishing a family life in which isn't defined by any disease.

When someone has heart disease, they don't usually say, "I'm a heart-diseased person." They say, "I'm a person with a health challenge."

It's really that way, too, with people with mental illness and their families. We don't let the illness define who we are.

Its been a tough time. My husband is still experiencing derpression and not being able to sleep. He sees his counselor today. Sure hope it helps. He was suppose to go back to work today but I don't know if he made it?? I keep praying and asking God to help him and to speak to him. Lift him out of this somehow. It gets so frustrating. I'm trying to be patient. Pray for us as I will continue to pray for all of you...

Mamma, HAve you been to Juie Fast's site? www.bipolarhappens.com

She wrote a book for family and friends of the people who suffer from bi-polar.

Educate me here...is that the right thing to say? Suffer from?

Mammajude, this is tough--and it may be a place where "tough love" is required. You can't make your husband get himself to his doctor or his therapist. In fact, you may have to set clear limits: Either he stays in treatment, or you take measures to protect yourself from his moods and/or destructive behavior.

I had to say in effect to my daughter:
"I love you. I'll do whatever is in my power to see that you get the help you need. I'll pay for treatment and medication. I'll accompany you to appointments if you want. I'll go to a support group. But I won't watch you self-destruct--and I won't subject myself to abuse." It was a tough thing to say, but I knew it was her best hope. She's doing well now--not without bumps in the road--but she's learning, and so am I. Bipolar disorder is highly treatable, but it takes self-motivation and perserverance in the patient.

One caveat: If your husband is psychotic or actively suicidal, get him to a hospital or call the police. But avoid as much drama as you can. The AA people talk about "detachment with love." You can't save anyone from a destructive bipolar spiral any more than you can save them from alcoholism. You can only do your own inner work, pray, go into therapy, take care of your physical health, seek support from friends, and stay available and encouraging. That's a LOT, in itself!

Dotsie, you've mentioned Julie Fast's book several times. I have mixed feelings about it. Mentally ill people do not need to be infantalized. Good therapists don't do it, even when we work in hospitals. We treat the patient as an adult, respect him or her vulnerabilities and strengths, and pay attention to relationship patterns that might need some work. That includes things like self-care for partners like Mammajude, who may be suffering as much as her husband right now.

ALL of us have pockets of health and pathology and genius and darkness within us. When I begin to think of myself as "the sick one" or "the well one" in any relationship (including those with my clients), I know I'm missing something.

Daphne, thanks for your opinion about Julie's books. I haven't read them. I've corresponded with her several times about her site and writing for my book. I appreciate the information she offers on her site and in her newsletters, but maybe I need to be educated a little better than that. I appreciate your words.

What other books do you recommend, or sites?