Dear Nikki,
You'll always find a willing listener here at BWS. Many of us have suffered w/ disorders or mental illness and or have family members who have. I'm happy to listen if ever you need a friend. So many of the women here have helped me over the past couple of years, it's time to pay it forward. Email privately if you like.
Kathryn

I'm a retired Home Health nurse, and I am also bipolar. Didn't figure it out until 1998, when my mom was diagnosed on her deathbed. With a second major in psych! The mood swings can be blamed on life stresses, so it's hard to diagnose. I figured it out when I cried over getting a $4000.00 check. I was overdosed on depakote, my liver and pancreas went toxic,almost died, and now I'm afraid to take anything. The doc had me on 1,000 mg/day. I only weigh 100 lbs. Looked it up in the PDR-I thought that sounded like too much! I had a psychotic break too, without knowing it, and took my hands and eyes off the wheel while driving in a school zone. Now, I have a broken neck and head injury to go with it. The shrink is not responsible because I didn't go to the hospital. Heck, I didn't even know anything was wrong with me! I have partial seizures now, and my neurologist just overdosed me on Zonegran. Turns out it's a sulfa drug, and I'm allergic. I have chronic migraines, and carry imitrex injections everywhere I go. Then, to top that off, 8 years ago I went through menopause, in itself a mood disorder. Is there no end? Good thing there's a heaven. I, for one, can't wait!

Blaze, I appreciate your comment about heaven. How true.

I'm sorry to hear about your ups and downs. How long ago was your accident?

Do you keep track of what medications and the exact dosage that work? Are you satisfied with the doctor you are currently seeing?

I had a friend who died in her late 70's, or maybe she was 80. Anyway, she battled depression and mental illness her whole life. She was diagnosed bipolar only a few years before her death. She was so grateful for the diagnosis. She said it helped her make sense of her life.

[ May 31, 2005, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Yes, exactly. We are told it's everything from postpartum depression to PMS to hysterical woman syndrome, I used to think it was the men in my life. We're not nuts, just moody! Look around at any time, and you'll find something to blame it on. Brain chemistry is the true cause, they say, and I add: it has a lot to do with blood sugar, too. I produce too much insulin in response to sugar or carbohydrates. No brainer: when the blood sugar is normal, we feel good. If not, then we are either on a high or a low. They need to research that further, since we are a nation consuming on average 120 lbs of sugar per year, and 50 years ago, we consumed only 3 1/2 lbs. per year. SEE THE RED FLAGS, ANYONE? Just got my medicaid card, will be going to the doc to play guinea pig soon. If you are female, you are often misdiagnosed. Remember the aspirin thing? The accident was 7 years ago, and I couldn't even make a sentence for a year. I thought I would be a writer when I retired. Well...maybe. The hospital said I was fine, and sent me home with codeine. My doggone neck was broken! I TOLD 'EM that sucker hurt. Found this out in January this year. Too late to sue. We nurses say, we're here to keep those doctors from ruining people's lives. Bif!

I see a link in the amount of sugar I consume to how my mood is. Since I have been on the ATkins, not really strict, my mood has improved and my depression has lessened. I can always tell the difference if I have over loaded on sugar. I feel horrible.

Sherri, same thing here with both my middle child and myself...we also have interesting food allergies that will kick in mood swings.

Our family began switching to more natural based foods, lacking in food colorings/dyes/preservatives and eating lots of protein several years ago to combat some of the difficulties we have had with blood sugar levels - very much like the Feingold Diet.

Blaze, I am so sorry to hear all that you have been through. I carry Imitrex injections too because too often I vomit the tablets and thus waste a dose. I also experience paralysis during migraines. I've been on Depakote to prevent migraines, although I am moody but NOT bi-polar. However, my neurologist during cancer said that Depakote is now used to "break" a migraine. I think I was getting 1000 mgs IV. But I was on it for a year, and it didn't work as a preventative. So she switched me to Topamax, which made me thin and crazy, and caused WORSE headaches! The Topamax c aused such tingling in my hands and feet that I couldn't feel the keyboard and the floor. Plus, it made me aggressive. For example, instead of saying, "Honey, how about a kiss" I'd say, "Hey, you give me a kiss right now!" So, now I am on good old Inderal as a preventative, Celexa, and Imitrex PRN plus phenargan for nausea. Blaze, you must have been in so much pain to have a broken neck! I've been almost two weeks with a migraine. They are completely debilitating. The best treatment for me is Demoral to knock it out but Imitrex is also a miracle drug in my lifetime. Dallas, has changing your diet helped? Love and Light, Lynn

Lynn, I can't believe you battle these headaches and other ailments. You are so high functioning. How do you do so much when you feel so poorly? You're amazing!

Hi Dotsie, thanks for saying that I am high functioning. I need to hear that sometimes. I woke up feeling like a loser today because I'm not doing enough. My husband and I talked about me going back to work, using my social work degree, but I am so afraid of these migraines! I wonder how much more I could have done had I not had these ailments. Thanks for the compliment...I really needed that today! Love and Light, Lynn

Lynn,

You are more then "high functioning"...and you are on a journey that is a mission as well.

Make sure you take time to take care of yourself, instead of looking at what you aren't accomplishing.

You are where you are saposed to be!

Got that?

hugs,
danita