Your words, smilinize, are very profound. Food for thought. I knew endorphins existed for physical stresses (when I used to job a lot the feeling afterward was great). I didn't stop to consider your views on them...goodness, what we do to ourselves.
Dianne, you are so right...I've decided to stop trying to get an impossible situation to work...I am not going to change either one of them...I think they feed off each other and I do not want to be sucked into their drama anymore. I'll be there if mom gets into trouble, but it's just not worth my worrying over it anymore than needbe.
Thanks everyone who has offered your words of support and advice and prayers. I love you guys.

Hi all, people can also get used to the stress hormone cortisol, which rises during stressful times. People can come to believe the rise in cortisol is a normal state, and seek ways to keep the cortisol levels high. In the womb, a fetus can experience the rise in cortisol levels, and actually experience stress. Also, Dee, was Robin actually diagnosed schizophrenic? Being schizophrenic could be a reason for her beginning to self-medicate with drugs at age 14. Also, a lack of conscience is often related to schizophrenia. Not all schizophrenics lack conscience, but some do. There are many levels of schizophrenia. A lack of conscience is an indication of a socio path who literally cannot feel remorse or empathy. Even if schizophrenia was not a part of the package, being the child of an alcoholic is a big void to fill with drugs. Your MIL was probably in an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with her husband, and has transferred that type of relationship to her daughter. It's very sad that your MIL lives her mature years in this unhealthy way. Love and Light, Lynn

Lynn...I think yes on all questions...Robin has been diagnosed as a schizophrenic. I'm not sure what leve, however, she is. Evidently, feeling for others comes and goes...depending upon what Robin wants at the time. Her biggest problem that we hear of is how she blames her mom for her behavior now.
Yes, my MIL was in an unhealthy relationship with her husband...he was never without a beer or something to drink. She could not depend upon him...he worked for the RR and would often be falling down drunk at work...back then, workers supported each other during those times (sounds crazy), but they did. Yes, it's a shame my MIL has to live her golden years with this demon on her back...it sounds horrible but all Robin's siblings wish she would pass on...putting their Mother out of harms way. No one would do Robin any harm...they just wish God would take her because all she ever causes is pain. Now, that's a family in crisis if you ask me.
I think mom is just as addicted to Robin as Robin is addicted to the drugs. They feed off each other somehow. Very sad.

Love and light to you, too, Lynn. Thank you so much for your insightful and caring words.

Dee, so what are you and your hubby doing differently? I bet you realize you have more time for yourselves when you back off the family talk.

Maybe your MIL feels needed by Robin. That might be the drug part of it. She probably doesn't feel that the rest of you need her because you're normal and Robin isn't.

Dee, this is such a sad situation. My father was schizophrenic, and used drugs and alcohol to self-medicate. Combined with Thorazine and Stelazine, his behavior was a menace to society. He rarely, if ever, felt empathy or conscience. When he committed suicide, all the family could say was, "It's for the best." If you ever want more perspective, a really good book (besides mine!) is "When Madness Comes Home" by Victoria Secunda. It offers case studies and information on what it is like to be involved with a family member with mental illness. Dianne, as you probably know, the need to be needed is a part of the co-dependent psyche. However, MIL should realize that her need to be needed by her daughter is reaching dangerous life and death levels. MIL is at risk from daughter's violence; Robin is at risk for self-injury. When will this vicious cycle stop? Does it really have to take a tragedy? Where is the mental health care system? I know my father knew he had his rights, and by golly, he used them to keep out of jail and hospitals, no matter who or what he was hurting at home! Oh Dee, I know you must feel like you want to back off from this topic. Unfortunately, the mentally ill make havoc even after death. Love and much Light, Lynn

Dee, I am posting some paragraphs from my book. This is in regards to my father committing suicide. Dee, I wish PEACE for Robin, your MIL, and your family. Hopefully, that Peace does not have to occur via a tragedy. ****Later I learned that my father left no suicide note. Even if he had, who would have recognized his handwriting? He never wrote a letter or signed a card. What he left was unfinished business, a mess of blood and brain matter for his brother Henry to mop up and emotional debris for the family to sort through.
I never wanted to see him again, dead or alive, so I refused to attend the funeral. Besides, how does an adolescent daughter eulogize her schizophrenic father? My brother Eric made the arrangements. It was too much of a traumatic task to ask of a twenty-two-year-old son. To bury his own father, a suicide, seemed cruel and unusual punishment for a son who had been subjected to the vast violence of this madman his entire life.***Evidently, Dee, your MIL and Robin has hit a chord with me. I just wish I could help. I posted this to offer some insight into the emotional context. I bet you feel like your hands are tied, and as long as Robin rules the roost, there is not much you can do. And the health care system today is set up for brevity of treatment. How can I help? Love and Light, Lynn

Dee, one more thing: Yes, being a victim is like a drug. I craved my father's love and approval, although he could never offer affection. But as long as he was alive, I would try, try, try to achieve it, no matter what it took. What it took was my soul and my own will to live. He would give just enough charm, just enough wink, just enough roses to feed my need. So I would open up to him, and whammo bammo he would victimize me, even by sexually abusing me. I haven't responded to your question sooner because I've been dwelling on it off and on for a few days. But I've come to the conclusion that the answer is yes, being a victim is like a drug: the constant craving, the obsession to get it, the love/hate relationship. Love and Light, Lynn

[ August 30, 2005, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: lynn329 ]

Lynn, your post from your book reminded me of how much I enjoyed reading it. You are such a great writer. You always took me there. What's going on with your next book?

Thanks Dotsie. I appreciate your comment. Today I did an interview with a TV station producer. Yeah, the media here in CO Springs is finally taking notice of my work. The station is putting together a video on domestic violence. The producer got of a copy of my book and asked me to be the voice for the victims in this video. She told me that my book had her in tears. She said she had never experienced SA or DV. You came to mind; I remembered when you called in to world talk radio and told listeners that they did not have to be a victim to relate. The TV producer said that the book really opened her eyes and her heart in compassion. That's music to my ears. It means I did my job as a writer. I spend so much time promoting Beyond the Tears and advocating for victims and corresponding with survivors that I have had NO time to work on Beyond the Fears: A Cancer Survivor's Story. You would think that after the writers' conference in Vermont I'd be writing every day. But I have to respond to interest in Beyond the Tears, seize the moment. Thank you for saying I am a great writer. You read a lot of books! I hope I didn't come on too strong for Dee. I noticed we haven't seen her lately. Love and Light, Lynn