Norma,

Learning to say "no" forcefully enough so the people who I'd been caving in to believed I meant it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. For a while I went the other way and was saying no to almost anything. Once I learned when to use it appropriately, it became second nature.

Sue, I'm really confused now. If all who communicate with people they don't know on the internet are mentally ill, there must be an awful lot more mental health problems out there than anyone realizes. Also, my therapist told me that writing my story, or anything else, would be one of the most productive and useful things I could do. Frankly, I don't understand where your mental health professionals are coming from. I would find new ones if I were you.

One thing for certain Sue, it's obvious from your postings, that you've got one fine intellect, and express yourself clearly. The paralysis you experienced must have been terrifying and a grand mal in itself, without the resulting head injury from falling indicates a definite physical problem of concern, whether it was because of a high fever, infection or problems such as epilepsy.

Apart from recording family history, writing down one's life story enables us to put very troubling memories away from the front of our mind. It becomes perserved on paper, and in a very real sense we can free ourselves from having to go over and over it in our minds so that cetain things are not forgotten. A second sense of betrayal can evolve if something criminal, unjust, or however troubling is completely forgotten, or passed over..

Libraries exist because of life's experiences and the knowledge which can be gleaned from those experiences.

I have to go out, but Sue, be encouraged okay....

[ January 19, 2006, 03:16 PM: Message edited by: norma ]

suzieq, I am back! I thought about you a lot today as I was freeing myself from my own dark thoughts which I do get from time to time.

I really got angry reading what your doctor said and the asumptions other ones had about you. I guess all of us posting on this website need psychiatrict care according to his assessment. Doctors aren't God and cannot and donot know everything. Each of us is an individual. Frankly, we could all do without doctors like the ones you've described.
I think writing your story or writing in a journal is very therapuetic.
He's even labeled you by saying "you people." You're not a leper to me. Please throw this doctors advice and words right in the garbage where they belong.
You will get better day by day. If it's a nice day where you are now take a walk outside and really take notice of everything around you. Sometimes a walk may help release endorphins which can make you feel a bit better. I know we're all different and what works for one doesnot work for all but I do know it feels good to be outside walking.
Please let me know how you are feeling today. I want to hear from you.

[ January 19, 2006, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]

Sue, I'm with the others. You've found very healthy ways to deal with your bipolar. If you're able, I'd search for new health care providers.

My doctor has actually encouraged me to write while I'm in a depressive cycle. He says it's a form of release and a way to help maintain my creativity. Smart guy? I think so.

Having bipolar has put a bit of a damper in my writing. While I'm stabilized, and wouldn't change it for the world, I do miss the manic side where I'd have hundreds of ideas at a time and the writing flowed for hours.

Sometimes, I'm afraid I've medicated my creativity away.

Just want to say, I sure agree with you Ladybug, about the terrors of treatment during Lincoln's time, and afterwards .. i was thinking that he may have thrown himself deeper and deeper into his work, probably kept reams of thought in private journals, and undoubtedly kept searching through the writings of his religious convictions, trying to find answers, and or some form of inner peace.

[ January 19, 2006, 07:29 PM: Message edited by: norma ]

Vicki, you do have a smart doctor. I wish suzieq could have him as her doctor.

Vicki, I wonder if your doctor could suggest a good one for suzieq even though she doesn't live where you do.

suzieq, my mom called me frantic one afternoon because her doctor's receptionist, of all people, really upset her by saying to her, "you might have cancer." Of Course she didn't have cancer the receptionist was just being a B-witch.

These are pathetic people who have no business being anywhere near the medical profession. Since the idea of cancer strikes fear in most people and they know this you have to ask yourself why she said this to you? I agree, it's time to seek out a new doctor. Have you done any research on line about those ECT treatments to see if they are the cause of these lesions? I wouldn't be surprised to learn if they are the cause.
I really do wish I could just sit and talk with you. You seem fine to me but you are dealing with so much stress it's simply put you on overload.
There are no simple, easy answers here. But I do know the support of friends and just talking about what you're going through can be a big help. I hope that we here are helping in some small way. There are some of the very best and finest ladies here offering you whatever they can.

You are a good person. Keep writing.

(((( HUGS ))))

[ January 19, 2006, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]

See what I mean suzieq about causing uncessary pain and fear to a patient? I've seen and heard it happen over and over again.

How are you this morning? I can really "hear" the change in your demeanor and you DO sound happy and uplifted.

Again, while taking my morning walk I thought about you and what I could say to you to help you feel you are not alone. One of the women on my street is a psychologist that offers sessions of counseling in her home. You would like her very much. Guess, what? She suffers from depression and takes meds for it as well. I'm really curious now as to what she'd think about the comments your doctor is making to you?
Sooner or later this branch of medicine is going to have to realize that some of their methods are not effective enough in dealing with mental health. I wonder too, if research money is slow in coming to new methods of treatment.
There have been numerous articles in our Plain Dealer bemoaning society's attitude toward people suffering from depression and other forms of mental illness. I'm sorry but I still can't understand why this cruel, insensitive attitude prevails.
I'm pleased suzieq, that out of a bad experience came a good one. I'm just sorry that you had to experience such a frightening one first. At least this group of doctors mended their errors.
I'm hoping each day finds you happier and stronger. I think it can be so. I think the key is finding people to talk to who don't make you feel odd or uncomfortable to discuss it with.
There are hundreds of thousands of people in our country alone who at some point in their lives have or will have suffered some form of mental illness. With numbers like that we can't afford to be cruel and insensitive to one another. The joking must stop in order for people to take this illness more seriously.

Ladybug, you're so right. It's time to take the blinders off when it comes to dealing with Mental Illness. People think "Crazy" and "criminal" too often when they hear that someone has a mental illness. Those people have such narrow minds.

I don't tell everyone that I have Bipolar. The reason? Mostly because it's not any of their business, but also because I don't want the stigma of having a mental illness and being treated differently.

Especially, because bipolar has made a lot of news lately, and not for good reasons. Look at the guy who said he had a bomb on that flight in Miami? He was bipolar. People hear bipolar and automatically think "unstable".

But, I'm not unstable. Darn it. I've been stable for quite a while now; more than year. It took some time getting there to find the right combination of meds, but that's common in bipolar. Meds don't work the same on every person, so it takes some time to work out the right combination.

Susieq, I think it's imperative that you find a health provider that you feel comfortable with and who doesn't treat you the way your current providers treat you. Do you have the ability to change doctors? Sometimes, depending on health care coverage, you have to work within their systems. It's also scary finding a new doctor. You have to transfer records, go through the questions again, and get used to a new personality.

Speaking of the SERENITY prayer. My doctor says that's how I should live my life with bipolar. He says don't dwell on things I have no control over. I should live for the now and not worry about what might happen.

Did I mention I like my doctor? :-)

You've got a good doctor Vicki. I'm glad to hear of the successes you've had with the help of a good doctor. It's vital to your well-being to be under the care of a good doctor who really knows his field and practises it with compassion.

You know when I hear of the story you mentioned I never think the person is "crazy" I often think their meds are the cause of the bizarre behavior and totally unsuited for them. My neighbor had to try different antidepressants and even different dosages to finally get it right. How many people suffering from mental illness are walking around right now taking meds in the wrong dosage or completely unsuited to their needs? I think these are the unfortunate people making the headlines simply because of the wrong medication they are taking.

[ January 20, 2006, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]