I'm trying to find my Christmas joy. I was the biggest kid in the world, couldn't sleep waiting for the holidays. I lost my brother a few days before Christmas 02 (suicide)and as hard as I try it's like I have a hole where my heart use to be...but I'm workin on it. I have to keep my mind on the reason for the season.

For some reason the Christmas Blues struck me today...this is my first Christmas without my parents...although my Mom died more than 6 years ago my Dad just passed in Feb..from the day my mother died I took care of my father ..I never wanted him to feel alone...but now...at this time of year...I really really miss my Mom...she was my best friend...and we always had such a great time around the Holidays...everything I touched today reminded me of her..and I feel so lonely now....I wish I could just fast forward my life somehow and have it be spring....I know I'm so blessed with a wonderful husband and loving children...but ...I'd really love to have just one more cup of tea with my Mother....maybe I'll take Lynne's advice and buy a Mood Light....

Deb and Avalon, my Mom passed away on Christmas Day. I decided that I would use this date to dedicate it to my Mom and I spend the whole day, reminiscing and walking down Memory lane with her. There was no friend like Mom. Never will be. I share a cup of coffee with her, share my meals and talk MOH's ear off about her.He loves to hear it year after year. They never met, but Mom would be tickled that 'we' did. Mom's pooped by the time our day ends.
Avalon, my prayers that you find your way of celebrating with you Mom, she is up there with many Moms. Special Invite her to your home and walk down memory lane any day. I appreciate how you are feeling. How do you connect with her now?
Deb, how do you cope with the loss of your brother? I cannot imagine what it does to a sibling...or a Mother. Prayers for you. Prayer for all who find it tough this time of year. God Bless you all.
chick

Chick,
That is a wonderful way to remember your Mom. I am going to suggest this to the family. We lost my SIL last Dec. 23 (and my FIL just 6 weeks later. He had a stroke while telling his doctor about losing his daughter. Just heartbreaking.) Christmas is going to be rough this year.
No one feels right celebrating or decorating.

Chick...thanks for including me in your post..you sound like you have such a healthy attitude in dealing with the loss of your beloved Mother...I , on the other hand, haven't been able to reach that healthy place yet...I talk to my mother in my head all day long ,but instead of feeling comfort, I only miss her more...she was always my safe place to land, my touchstone...I am praying constantly for acceptance and inner peace with it..I have to trust and believe it will come...

Chickadee,
Initially I was numb and devastated. Our father had died only 7 months earlier (Alzheimer's) but my brother's suicide was like living a nightmare. We were only three years apart and we had spent every day together the last three years of his life as we helped look after our dad.
You simply have to take it one day at a time and when you are strong enough you reach back and help someone else who is at the beginning of their survivor journey. I served as a suicide survivor online monitor for two years. Only in the past year have I been able to think of him and remember the good times and his big smile. All things are possible one day at at time.

I hate to hear of the sadness some must endure during a time that is suppose to be a festive time. Right now we are worried about my brother who is in a deep dark place mentally, saying his whole useless life has been nothing more than simply taking up space and waiting to die. For anyone to be in such a terrible state is beyond my comprehension. Bless you all.

[ December 04, 2005, 05:35 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

I realize today that one thing I was missing was the smell of a Christmas tree. We have a really pretty artificial but I miss the scent of pine. We bought pine roping and have draped it over every doorway. Awwwwwww, now it's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas!

Chatty......you make my day with your wonderful sayings.
"Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held it's ground."
Right now, I'm only a nut. And I mean that literally!! But.......I will sprout my limbs pretty soon.
I feel them wanting to spurt out.
Lynne