McCartney once asked, "All the Lonly People, where do they all come from?" That song never registered with me. I was happy. I had friends, relatives, what did I know about lonilness? Well times have changed. I am now 47 years old. My mom and dad are gone. The only relative I have left is my brother, whom I rarely see. We have one set of friends, out of state, who we see once a year. And starting this year we became empty nesters. I'm at home, allowing the emptyness to get the best of me. My father had more life in him in his eighties than I do now. He on the other hand was surrounded by friends.

I came to this site and was at first welcomed by a warm group of people and for the first time felt surrounded by friends. But like all groups, it take one bully to scare you away. So again, the loneliness sets in.

[ February 24, 2006, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: suzieq ]

Here I am... I am new to this site and was wondering how to jump in. I too am looking for friends - or at least A friend. This is not new to me, but when I was married at least I had another warm body and occasional companionship. I have tried church but that "isn't my bag." I don't want to work on committees, I want to have FUN! I am in two supper clubs and when we meet I feel so much different after a social outlet, but these happen only once a month and not every month. The other downside to this is a work at a job that is very isolating (typing - medical transcription) Anyhow, you ARE NOT ALONE!

I began throwing parties at our home. I invited my girlfriend who would play the piano and sing and invited my new neighbors. This really helped ease our way into a new town. You might try it.

Welcome to both you suzieq and you, morningbelle. You will find many many of us meet here everyday and have become close personal friends. You can vent, ask questions, gripe and cry or laugh, no one judges anyone here and we all are supportive and many in the same boat as you. Some married, some divorced, kids, grandkids, no kids everyone fits in. Morningbelle you live in a state many of our gals reside in and that may be something good for you. I'm not too sure suzieq about CT. Just come on in and post away and make friends. My friends here where I live get angry becaue I am hardly ever available to go fooling around and am always here on line....WELCOME!

Welcome to you suzieq and morningbelle. You came to the right place for making friends. I haven't been here very long, but the women are wonderful to talk to and share with.

I'm an empty nester who lives in NH. I'm in a good place in my life right now, but it took me a long time to get there. I am sure you will gets lots of much better advice than I can give you, so I'll just say hello for now.

Hi, suqieq! Don't feel alone anymore! We are always here (some, like me, are insomniacs and get on late at night when we can't sleep!) I know that lonely, isolated feeling only too well, and you can overcome it! You will love it here!

Suzieq, I can relate so well to your loneliness, except for the empty nest, since I was never able to have children. But after my Dad and Mom died, I fell apart. Still on the mend, but being here has been tremendously healing. So I encourage you to take your shoes off, make yourself comfortable and nestle right in here...it's a really good place to be!

Morningbelle, welcome to you too! I've been on this site all morning and am getting cross-eyed (this place is that addictive!), so have to take a break. But I just wanted to add my voice to the warm welcome and look forward to hearing your voice around here.

Suzieq please try to reconnect with your brother. You and he share a history unlike that of anyone else you know. It's never too late. Come to our website often and tell us what's concerning you, we'll listen. I rarely saw my two brothers too and we live within 55 minutes of each other. I had to reconnect over and over until it finally stuck. Just call him. Make plans to go out to dinner together. Good luck, you're not alone!

[ November 16, 2005, 01:44 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]

suzieq, A warm welcome to you. I think being without my Mom is the hardest thing of all for me. I can relate to you saying your Dad had more going for him at his age than you do. Same here. This transition stage for us is so difficult.

MORNINGBELLE, a warm welcome to you also. I don't feel as alone or lonely since being here. We are a comfort to each other. I thank God for this place.
Hope we hear more from both of you.
chick

Hi Suzieq and Moringbelle!

Welcome! You both sound as if you right where you need to be.

Lot's of wonderful women to talk to. We are all full of ideas, fabulous stories, and sound advice.

Welcome to you both!

Teresa

SuzieQ, i think as women we all feel lonely sometimes...I came here looking for some new friends the same as you..I lost my Mom 7 years ago and haven't really felt the same since...and my Father died last February so this is my first Thanksgiving and Christmas as an orphan..I was my parent's baby..and it really shook me up when I realized that i was no longer anyone's baby. Like Dreamer I am an insomniac ...so anytime you feel the need for a friendly chat I'm a great listener..Also..your sister in law could be a great help to you..your brother should be made to see the light..how can he hold something against you from childhood? And something so obviously unrealistic..he is probably embarrassed that it has gone on so long and can't see a way out with his pride intact ..reach out a few more times..it will make you feel better about yourself...Talk to you soon Girlfriend....

Seems to me,

a lot of us girls have lost someone recently. This is a hard place to be - but I've found solace in these women and so will you.

So thanks, Chick, Ladybug, Eagle,Dreamer, NHJackie, Chatty, Dreamer, and every single one of you - Danita, and all - you've given me inspiration and hope.

I'm going to encourage those of you who had loving parents. What wonderful memories you must have. My parents are still alive and we just aren't close. I talk to them on the phone about once a month but have to be careful because my mother can be so insulting and I end up gently ending the conversation.

Be blessed that you have beautiful thoughts of those who have passed. At this point, I'm not sure what I'll feel when mine pass away.

I'm convinced (though many will disagree) that when our loved ones die, they find little ways to console us. I would definitely take seeing that license plate as a little sign of his lingering presence and love for you.

With us, after Mom died, we were walking across the parking lot at the funeral home. Suddenly a flock of about 20 white seagulls started circling in the sky right above us. We had to stop and watch as they seemed to dance this most amazing and beautiful dance for us. I'm the only "religious" one in the family, but all of us just knew it was a sign of Mom's love for us...she had this profound commitment to feeding the birds, and for as long as any of us knew her, she always put up clean birdhouses, bird baths and made sure there was enough food for them through the winter months.

Whatever other people might say about it being mere coincidence, I choose to take these little signs of presence to heart and let them bring me comfort and consolation.

[ November 16, 2005, 12:04 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Dianne, my mom can be very insulting too and at one point we went about five years without speaking. You know why. I've had to learn to just keep quiet (hard to do for those of you who know me).

It seems the brother needs some counseling to learn to let go of his unfounded resentment.

Many families go through this but we learn that life is to short to hold grudges. In some cases though keeping a distance is necessary for those who keep getting hurt and have tried to make it better. There is, after all, so much one can do and if it still doesn't work then you have to throw in the towel.

As for my brothers, my mom said it well, "he needs you and you need him."

I read these posts and just cannot find the right words to comment. Know that I pray for you and your family members to get along and love each other...mine included.
chick

My mother can be very insulting, too. She can say such hurtful things, and that is part of the reason we moved here right before my Dad died almost 2 years ago. I don't 'talk back' to my mother, we don't argue (though I have told her she's hurt my feelings; she says I'm thin-skinned...) Now I call her nearly every evening to see how she's doing; if she insults me I generally don't call her for a day - but I don't understand how people can burn bridges with family members. I think your brother will come around. I hope so. I am an only child (former child, that is!)

I consider my sister, husband, childrn and grandchildren my family. I tend to gravitate towards those who care and are loving, not rude and insulting. Family or not.

suzie and morning, you are taking a step in the right direction by coming here and sharing your stories. My prayer is that you will continue to reach out to the women in here and a few in person too.

I am one of those women who just puts herself out there. I am forever calling family and friends and organizing get-togethers. I love people. I love relationships. I have another friend who is the same way. The funny thing is that any time we plan something, or suggest soemthing, people are interested. We have often spoken about what our lives would be like if we sat back and waited for others to plan and organize. Who knows? Maybe we'd be sitting around feeling lonely. I guess I'm just sharing this because you mention loneliness in this post, and you see all the other women who shared their loneliness? Keep putting yourself out there. If you don't want to be lonely, keep taking baby steps to create opportunities to gather with others.

I don't intend to sound preachy. I hope you don't take it that way.

Amen to all who say that the family can disintergrate with the death of one's parents. Your whole life there are Holiday rules and expectations, then the center falls out and no one left can fill the void. I envy people with huge families. There is always someone there. My dad died in 2001 and my mom is in the final stages of dementia. My husband's family is bigger, but has a lot of hostilities. This Christmas we will be alone for the first time ever. Our kids have other plans. This site has helped me feel closer to normal, at least not such a freak when I well up and cry for no reason. I thank you all for your support and candor.

What you said is true, Dandy. That's why my husband and I try to just start new traditions with our kids or even do something different each year. I beleive in going with the flow with however we are feeling that year. It's too bad your kids won't include you in their plans. Do you and your husband have the option (and $$) to go to a resort or B&B to celebrate with others?
Or are there any friends or neighbors who you could get together with?
Hey, if you wanna travel to SW CO, you're welcome here! I got enough kids to share with several couples!!!

Thanks Bluebird,
Maybe I'm afraid if we go a different direction it will mean that the Holidays will never be the same. I guess that is true, I just don't want it to be so. Would love to see Colorado, hear it's beautiful.

Dandy,
My heart really aches for you...I lost my Dad to dementia last February and I am still reeling from the loss...this is my first Christmas as an orphan and I know it's silly to feel so sad because I have a loving husband and 4 amazing kids to share the Holidays with...but I was somebody's child for 50 years..and now that dimension of my life is gone..forever...I am praying that after Christmas is over that I can move forward and begin to grieve a little less each day...but the holidays are all about the Family...beginning with the Holy Family...and celebrated all over the world by each of our families...it's the way Christ taught us to be with one another...have you told your children how this is affecting you this year..perhaps one or more of them can postpone their plans for a day or two and join you...or even better...perhaps you can join in with them and begin a new tradition? Either way...don't keep this to yourself suffering in silence only leads to built up resentments...let them know that you need them to be with you...ok? I'll pray that it works out and you won't feel alone...all the Blessings of this beautiful Season to you and yours...

Thanks A/B,

Actually, one is expecting their first baby and the other lives 2 states away. Just feeling sorry for me. You know how productive that can be.

Avalon, it's not silly to be sad, ever. And I know that feeling of being an orphan. My dad died when I was 24 and my mom died when I was 38, and that's how I felt. My husband couldn't relate because both of his parents were still alive. And then of course, the siblings start to drift apart. That's when I started focusing on my own kids and what we wanted to do as a family.

Dandy, I was totally serious about coming here. I've got a big family and my SIL and MIL are coming to stay, so I don't really have sleep over room. But if you can afford to stay at a hotel, you are welcome to come here for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It's a beautiful little town.

Dandy,
You are not alone . I have been thru family trama on my mothers side . My mother is 94 years old does not know me and out of town . My husband sisters we are close too , but they are out of town for Christmas . I do have a married daughter here and will see them on christmas day. Christmas is for friends , also . Do you have friends that you could invite over . If you and your husband were close you could come .


I know your kids will call or maybe they will surprise you just show up for christmas . Aren't I the positve one.

Hey, just thought of something . Meridith is in Orange County CA . Maybe she could give you a call . Just some thoughts .

[ December 16, 2005, 10:58 PM: Message edited by: Nancy50 ]

Wow, your response is making me cry. I talked to the kids about my feelings, and as it turns out, my husband's as well. One surprised us with an immediate visit and the other will be coming in January (new baby and all). We have thought of 2 people within driving range to visit on Christmas Day. Neither would have had company otherwise. Is this a challenge, or what? Christmas is about God's WHOLE family. Bless you all for the loving net.

Dandy,
There are Angels at work here . Christmas is the spirt of caring sharing with on another . I am so happy that things have turned out well. This will be the best Chrismas ever .

I knew things would work out. God is good.

For those who feel lonely, I agree with Dotsie. Taking the first step and reaching out to others, organizing get togethers, etc. is a step in the right direction.

Even for those who've lost loved ones... reaching out to others and getting together with others who need love and support might prove beneficial for all involved. I learned this, as a child, from my mom. When we lost my dad, mom always looked for someone to cheer up in some way. She always looked past her needs to help others in greater need. Her helpful and positive outlook proved to be a lifesaver and a great example for us.

I pray each of you have a blessed Christmas and New year.

I don't know if I said this somewhere else in the forums - but I believe if each one of us just reached out to one other person - that the world would be a more loving place. Even if WE are suffering - if we can just take that step - and do something for someone else!

Every year my family puts together a gift basket for someone that God puts on our hearts. It is one of our favorite parts of Christmas.

danita

First my Grandfather passed away and things didn't change too much on the holidays but then three years later my Grandmother passed away and everything changed drastically. The entire family began going their own way and some of us grandchildren moved away, it has never been the same since. My Grandmother was definitely the glue that held our family structure together, we all just knew for all the holidays we met at their home and feasted and laughed and shared stories, it was the most magical of times. Even though I have my son and his family I am always just a bit sad during these times. My mother is a couple thousand miles away but does get together with her sisters....

Dandy if you could get to Vegas my son and nhis family and myself would be glad to share our holiday with you and I have a very comfortable couch, I am serious!

Chatty, I didn't have any living grandparents as a child. However, I had an aunt who was like a grandmother to all of us. Her home at Christmas sounds like your grandparents. I'll never forget her family parties. Kids were scrambling everywhere. There was always tons of food. So many sweets that I recall the year my brother got sick from eating too many of her scrumptious chocolate chip cookies. She was the best cook. SHe made verything from scratch. Her apple pie was to die for. The apples came right off the trees in her back yard.

You set a great example of reaching out to others because so much of your family is out of town. What are you doing for the elderly this Christmas?

dandy, I'm so glad things are looking better for your Christmas day. I hope to hear aboaut it.

Songbird, this is the first I recall hearing about your dad's death. how old were you when he died?

Thanks Dotsie and Christmas Eve evening will be the annual Christmas party at the nursing home. I baked 15 cakes which I froze and have to decorate Christmas Eve and I am making six different appetizers. This year the event will be catered, a nice sit down dinner and then music, dancing and opening gifts. Seven of us ran around town begging stores etc. for gifts for them and we really hit the jackpot this year, so many merchants gave as did many private people so they will each have several very nice gifts to open...It should be a nice holiday for them all this year.

Chatty and Dotsie,
I call these someones parents or parent in a nursing home of forgotten ones. My mother is out of town and I don't get to see her for christmas . If it is just a hug or a kind hello that maybe the only one they get for a long time. Good for you Chatty . Give a few hugs for me and a hello . I wish I could go with you .

Just warms the sole .

chatty, I've shopped the public for different school functions and it is no easy job. They are approached by everyone for freebies so they are very selective about who they give to. CPngrats on meeting with success! Have a Merry Christmas Eve! What appetizers are you making?

Chatty, bless you! You are an awesome boomer-chick!

Daisygirl

I remember when
everyone I knew
Was there with me
I could touch them

Most of all I remember
Watching… looking at hands
Doing tasks.. using tools
Making meals

The sounds of home
As much as the scene
And scents of gardens
And scents of rooms

I drive past now and then
But alas the heart has gone
Those favoured above all others
Are missing from that hearth

Yet there in a blink of an eye
I see new hands doing other things
I have moved up a notch
In the family tree

Yes I remember
when everyone I loved
was there beside me
and I could touch them
................................................
from Mountain Ash.

I just know many of you will understand my words

Moutain Ash......such wonderful words.
It touched me also, and yes I understand your words. Went right to the heart!
Lynne

very nice, Mountain Ash. I like the way the theme of hands follows through.

Hi there, I feel very lonely right now. I am 51 just got married a little over a year ago and have discovered my husband enjoys porn. I am reaching out desperately right now to help relieve the pain and to surrond myself with beautiful people. I also fear of losing my Mom. We talk almost every day. Her health is ok, but she is 84 years old.

china, continue to reach out. Are you doing anything locally to become involved?

China my mom will be 87 in April and I worry daily about her but I swear she is healthier than me and seems to have twice as much stamina, God love her. No matter what we say to you or how many friends surround you your sorrow from what might have been will cause some lonileness. Have faith knowing this too shall pass. Possibly if you assert yourself regarding the porn and let him know you mean business, "you or porn," he may surprise you. I hope so, guess its worth a try....

[ February 09, 2006, 08:42 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Dotsie and Chatty Lady, I will be joining the Lutheran Church that is in our town. I just went over there tonight to get the times of the services. As for as me or porn, hmmmmmmmm, he is being very indifferent. I am so tired, haven't been able to sleep. I just want to cry and I am a bit scared.

China, I'm so sorry that you are feeling lonely today...I have been there and can empathize totally...these dreary winter months can really add to the heavy feelings we have and also make us feel isolated...it's great that you have your Mom to talk with every day...enjoy each day with her ...none of us is guaranteed tomorrow no matter what our age...you are doing the right thing for yourself by reaching out to other people..and perhaps asserting yourself with your husband the way Chatty suggested will do the trick...Chatty always has great advice to lend...Here's a hug ((((China))))...feel better soon....