I just read the other replies and all of you are right. I know in my heart what the right thing to do is, but as I said, I'm struggling with it. I loved this man very, very much. Our relationship was always crazy and I guess we never have been on the same page, but the highs always seemed to outweigh the lows. I still love him, and I just LIKE him - he's sweet as he can be in as many ways as he is a complete jerk.

I am glad to have you guys to lend some input on this subject. My friends all like him and think my little war with Thing is funny.

I don't see how you can like someone who has jerked you around so much...

Daisygirl, I have no idea. I guess all I can say is that he knows me and understands me better than anyone I know, and although I hate the things he does I understand him, too. Everything about our relationship wasn't bad, but it was difficult. I don't love him the way I used to, because it's hard to love someone you can never trust, but there is definately still love there. I guess I can only hope that eventually I will meet someone who will replace those feelings, someone who has never hurt me. I am so disillusioned with dating that I guess it's easier to stay halfway into this relationship because I already know his faults, I already know everything bad about him, so there are no surprises, no disappointments. Does that make sense at all?

"he knows me and understands me better than anyone I know"

and he's using that knowledge to turn you into dogmeat.

Quit disillusioning yourself. He doesn't like you. He doesn't love you. He certainly doesn't respect you. He's jerking around you and Thing for his own misogynist enjoyment.

I don't sense any real love here, of anyone mentioned, for anyone mentioned -- just desperation and self-delusion.

He's a 4-time loser -- and that's just counting his recent escapades. If you go back to him, in any way under any circumstances, you're as big a loser as he is.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but this 3-way emotional S & M is way beyond my comprehension. Too many games.

And way too much BS.

[ October 14, 2005, 03:46 AM: Message edited by: meredithbead ]

How will you ever meet Mr. Right when you're all tangled up with Mr. Wrong? It won't happen. Mr. Right wouldn't want to be with a woman who has so little self respect and involved with another man.

You've crossed a line from what you think is love into obsession. Battered women do this and it's why they often stay. You are trying to prove yourself to this man and Thing. You are trying to be the better woman, the winner. And honey, a wife NEVER competes with another woman. You are either number one in his life or you aren't.

This isn't about whether he loves you or her, it's about you not loving yourself enough to have some respect for your life, soul and spirit. This type of lifestyle will leave you nothing but an empty shell.

Beth1119,

All these women are trying to protect you from harm. How is it that you are not able to protect yourself? I suspect there might be something more going on here than this man in particular. Something in your past relationships or with your family growing up ? Maybe you are accustomed to his kind of behavior? Seems familiar to you? Look a little deeper for reasons why you have a need stay attached to someone who is hurting you.

Remember - if I slap you in the face and say "I love you", do you believe me?

Searcher

After reading everyone's comments, and your response to them, I can only draw one conclusion and that is that you enjoy this triangle. You enjoy the ruckus... you enjoy the play. Because if you don't hold on to the hate, the battles, the fights, then what do you have? You would have to really BE the person you were meant to BE... and that scares you. Being alone and starting over. I don't think you like yourself at all. How could you?

Honey, you deserve the very best life has to offer, but only if YOU believe you do. Obivously, you only believe you are worth HIM. That is so sad. And this hate thing? No one, I repeat, no one can get inside your head and make you feel hate. That comes from you and your decision to hate. You can change that. Its your head, your feelings, your choice.

I think you are comfortable with all of the bad choices going on here. Its better than nothing you are thinking. They are like your friend...

I hope you learn to love yourself again, dear woman. You soooo deserve to do so.

JJ

Beth:

I agree with all the ladies here, you need to distance yourself from these ambivalent types. Spend time with yourself, discover your wants and needs, then make well thought out decisions.

This triangle is harmful to your body and soul. I know, I was involved in a triangle with my ex-husband and one of his ex-wives. Its not worth it to change my identity to make him love me, b/c I stopped loving myself b/c I was planning how to win him over her, changing my looks, perceptions, career, etc. We still divorced and she has now been married 5x. I wasted so much time and dignity.

Drama can become addictive. Better yourself, overcome and you will be the winner.

Also, I agree with Daisygirl, "I don't see how you can like someone who has jerked you around so much...".

Could you be friends w/ Osama?