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#51850 - 07/22/03 02:18 PM Adoption
countrygirl51 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/05/03
Posts: 221
Loc: Clifton, Ks. USA
Yesterday was a big day for my grandson, Colin. Rusty, my daughter's husband, officially adopted Colin as his son. Colin's natural father, has never seen Colin, except in pictures, and has become handicapped, so he never will see him. He lives in California and was having a real struggle keeping up with the child support payments with his disability. Rusty had been thinking about adopting Colin since he and Becky were married back in 1999, but was afraid it would cost a lot of money. It really wasn't that expensive. I wish we could post pictures on this forum, but will soon have the picture posted on my personal website for anyone interested to access. Anyway, we are very proud of Colin and Rusty was so sincere about adopting Colin that he started crying during the ceremony. It was very sweet. Colin is happy now, too. At first, when approached about the idea, he was reluctant, and said he wanted to stay a Barnes, because his grandpa was a Barnes. So Dennis had a talk with him and told him that he would always be a Barnes inside and that it would mean a lot to Rusty for him to take his name. Colin loves Rusty and so after thinking about it, decided it was the right thing to do.
After the ceremony, which took about 10 minutes or less, we went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch and then I took Colin, his mother and sister to Walmart and let him pick out a small gift.
It was a pretty good day.

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#51851 - 07/23/03 03:11 AM Re: Adoption
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
What a wonderful and inspiring story Countrygirl! Thanks for sharing this precious time with us all. My best to the family and as always, God Speed!

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#51852 - 07/22/03 06:54 PM Re: Adoption
oleladee Offline
Member

Registered: 04/04/03
Posts: 32
Loc: Kansas
being adopted is very special. when you know people have chosen you it can be very humbling. someday your little one will truly understand the enormity of the event and his smile will widen at the thought of the day. i never forget the anniversary of my day... and 30some(mumble mumble) years have passed.
[Wink]
oleladee

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#51853 - 07/23/03 05:19 PM Re: Adoption
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Yes, adoption is near and dear to my heart too. Two of my 3 children are adopted.

Countrygirl, thanks for sharing your story and the pictures. I know you posted in another forum about your web-site and I browsed big time, amazed at your creativity. Also loved your work and the pictures of your family.

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#51854 - 07/23/03 05:20 PM Re: Adoption
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Oops, and oleladee. are you adopted, or are your children? Don't mean to be nosey but you mentioned the anniversary of your day. [Smile]

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#51855 - 07/25/03 03:51 AM Re: Adoption
countrygirl51 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/05/03
Posts: 221
Loc: Clifton, Ks. USA
Thank you to everyone who congratulated me on Colin's adoption. Thought perhaps I should clarify something. Colin is Becky's natural son, therefore he is my natural grandson. Becky had a brief fling with a soldier and Colin was the result. Then she married her old high school sweetheart, Rusty. Colin's natural father had been paying child support since the paternity test proved Colin's paternal roots, but due to military injuries, he had become disabled and was having a real struggle in making the child support payments. Rusty had become very fond of Colin and considered him his son, even though he is not blood related. Therefore, the decision to adopt Colin was not a difficult one. When they contacted Ty, Colin's natural father, he was relieved and eager to give up parental rights to a child he had never laid eyes on. The rest is history. Colin is a happy boy and is full of questions, some not all that easy to answer. But we try to answer them as honestly as we can so he will understand his new daddy loves him. He told his grandpa and me the other day that even though he has never met his real dad, he says he loves him. But, he says, I love my bestest daddy the best (Rusty).

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#51856 - 07/28/03 05:20 PM Re: Adoption
Sandy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/03
Posts: 56
Loc: Colorado
I would like to add my 3 cents. (inflation [Smile] ) My brother gave his son up for addoption when he was 5 years old. my brother was in the military and had been stationed overseas almost since the birth of his son (1976ish). My brother's wife fell in love with someone else, and asked for a divorce and to be allowed to have her new husband adopt my nephew.
Years later, my brother remarried and had three girls. He says he thinks about his son all the time, but that he gave his promise to let him have a new life with his new father. His daughters would like to know their brother, but do not know his new name. These things have caused a lot of sadness on our side of the family. And even though my nephew (whom i have never met) is now an adult, my brother feels he still has no right to contact him.
I have had kids in my classroom that have gone through these kinds of things.
Don't get me wrong. I think the father in this case did the right thing. i think my brother did the right thing. But I also think the natural parents should have a little of the child also. even if it is just so (s)he can tell the child he did it for love. So the child can hear it from the parent. to help the child move forward, instead of always wondering.
Okay, so I gave more than three cents worth. i hope i did not offend anyone. I just wanted to give our experiance.
Sandy

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#51857 - 07/29/03 09:57 PM Re: Adoption
gwinny Offline
Member

Registered: 03/27/03
Posts: 17
Loc: Dallas, TX
SP - Your brother should not feel he does not have the right to contact the son he gave up for adoption -- now that the boy is grown. I am in contact daily with many adult adoptees who are searching for information regarding their roots and biological families. Many, many siblings will search for that lost brother or sister. An adoptee seeking their birthfamily is NOT trying to replace the family that raised them -- and even those that had/have the most loving and wonderful of parents still have an inner longing to know the most basic of information that we who were not adopted take for granted -- who we look like - the genetic traits handed down from one generation to another.

I am a reunited birthmother. My daughter, Juli, has the most wonderful of mothers who raised her -- Annette. Our reunion did nothing to break the close, loving bond that Juli and Annette share. Juli had always wanted a sister when she was growing up. Lisa and Todd (the children I raised) have formed a close and loving bond with Juli. It is so funny watching the three of them together --they are so much alike - even though they were not raised together. Another interesting fact is that Juli is more like me that either Todd or Lisa. We love the same authors, music, we react the same way to problems, and many other things too numerous to mention.

There was very heart warming article in the link below about a man who was reunited with his siblings.

www.yakima-herald.com/article/278277280090469.news

Gwinnetta

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#51858 - 08/05/03 05:38 PM Re: Adoption
Sandy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/03
Posts: 56
Loc: Colorado
Gwinnetta
Thank you for the information. I did look at the article link, and sent it to my brother. My brother feels he gave his word he would stay out of their lives. But I agree with you. My nephew is grown now. And from teaching, I know he would like to know his father. I hope my brother will reconsider. Thank you for your input.
Sandy

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#51859 - 08/26/03 01:03 PM Re: Adoption
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
This whole adoption issue is very near and dear to my heart because 2 of our 3 children are adopted.

I have a story to share thatI thought was sad and disheartening that poeple would even think this way.

Recently, an elder person was telling me about this guy who inherited ALL this MONEY. His parents were fairly wealthy and when they died they left ALL THEIR MONEY to HIM, their adopted son.

The story was told in disbelief because they left their money to their child that was ADOPTED. You know, what a lucky kid and all that ridiculousness. Well who do they think he should have left it to for gosh sakes? He was THEIR SON! [Mad] [Eek!]

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