She lived at home during her formative years did she not???? I rest my case.

I think it is something we all forget now and again -- children are watching and observing and absorbing what we do ALL the time. It's not everything in how a child turns out, but it is a significant part of their makeup. It's almost like they learn what's o.k. and what's not o.k. If they see their parents acting poorly, they think, at some level, that that is o.k.

Then are we saying that all the parents who have posted problems with their adult children here haven't done a good job? I know it's not how I feel. If an adult woman gets pregnant and aborts her child is her upbringing really at fault? If she chooses an unsavory profession or steals or does drugs as an adult is it really her upbringing? Her parents didn't tell her to do it and she likely knows her parents won't approve of her behavior but chooses to do it anyway. I've known several examples of children being raised in loving homes with strong moral values and religion who grew up and became very bad adults. Should the parents be held responsible for the choices these adults make?

Please forgive me if I left that impression. I certainly can't speak for every parent, just for myself. I will have to live for the rest of my life with the knowledge that I failed my youngest daughter when she was still at home with me.
When she was 11 she was diagnosed with clinical depression with suicidal ideation. She went into the mental ward of a local hospital and was put on trazadone, buspar and zoloft.
My little baby who we lovingly called our little "Ewok" because of her big round blue eyes. When I discovered a back pack filled with used pads and asked her about it, she told me she had started her period when she was 10! A year before and hadn't told anyone because she was so terribly shy.
The kids in Christian school picked on her and said they wouldn't be her friend unless she gave them her lunch or lunch money. It killed me to see her suffering emotionally and I had to scramble to find out how to best help her.
I made the mistake of going into super hover, sheltering mom who was willing to give her anything she wanted to make her happy.
I bought her the most expensive clothing, hovered over her all the time, threatened the kids at her school and their parents, home schooled her, went with her to counselling, cried with her, held her, made up little games the two of us could play, tried to get her interested in music, sports, dancing, anything, even 4-H!!
Nothing brought her happiness and joy. I thought I would die during these many many years. I love her so very much! I would give my life for her and in many ways, I have. What do parents do when they have a child with MS or MD or cancer? I feared losing her so much that I did. I didn't impose boundaries on her as she grew into a teen. I left the other two daughters to themselves way too much and they turned out great.
So I've learned a lot and wouldn't repeat my behavior again, not would I run for office. I own my mistakes and am reminded of them every day of my life. But, I wouldn't and couldn't run for office.

Having your father make such as a** of himself and a fool of her mother in front of the entire country must've had some negative effect on Chelsea. However, if she did have an abortion, how is that a bad thing if her parents and the entire Democratic party say abortion is no problem? And since when does ending a relationship and having a broken heart make you a bad person? I never did see anything written about this on Chelsea but from the info from Number 5 I have this to say: Geesh, the papparazzi is brutal - on one hand the liberal press wants legal abortion and on the other, they skewer a young woman who has one.

I think we should take responsibility for some of the issues our children have, especially if we have addictions, end up with bad men, or behave immorally. It doesn't mean we're bad parents, just not perfect. I acknowledged to my son that I now see how I could have been a better mom, but his response was "Don't ever say that again, you were the best parents of any of my friends." He will understand when his son grows up.

Daisygirl

Number 5, I posted immediately after you, and just want to say that many of us look back with regret at some of the things we did wrong when raising our children. It's very likely that your daughter would've done the same no matter what you did, so don't beat yourself up for it. I hope you will forgive yourself.

I heard of a study years ago of inner-city kids and what made some, even siblings raised in the same house, rise above their circumstances and others get involved in drugs and gangs. They determined that there is such a thing as a survival gene. Some have it and some don't.

Again, we certainly changed the subject. It would be very interesting to have dinner and a couple of glasses of Pinot with you ladies! I bet we could solve many of the world's problems!

Daisygirl

You know number5 we do the best we can with our children , they did not come with a manuel of how do raise them or keep them from bad friends . We had baby books on how to take care of them . We do the best we can and hope for the best . What is the old saying when they start to walk the walk away from you and they just keep going they don't walk toward us . Sometimes kids do give us a hard time ( I have been there) . As long as they know they are loved and you are there for then and to liston to them they will come back to you .

I have more to say , but will stop for now. I hope this helps too.

All we can do as parents is the best we can do. We can instill the best morals and principles in our kids and pray alot..."NO" Ladybug, no one is blaming anyone for how their child turned out. But truth is truth and a good foundation helps when these kids are faced with their peers in the outside world. Some parents are partly to blame because of their own lack of moral character but I haven't seen any of that in here from anyone. Do we make mistakes, yes we do and will continue to make them, we are only human after all...

I know Chatty, I cleared that up in a PM.

[ January 31, 2006, 11:38 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]